Meditations from Zion

For those of you who don’t know, I just published my first novel called Sister Jane, which is available at all online bookstores (shameless promotion). This was a huge week for me and I’m still over the moon. It’s funny, though, as I began talking about my book, many of my acquaintances and even long-time friends were surprised to find my first published work to be fiction. Truthfully, I have been writing stories all along as well as blogging and writing essays. The wonder is that I managed to get it published. Yay, me.

About two years ago (pre-Covid), I went through a rather lengthy discernment practice to determine where my energies needed to be directed. I have a history of spreading myself too thin and found myself becoming the “Jill of all trades and mistress of none.” But now, as I enter the last quarter of my life (or less), I have sensed an urgency to focus and listen and act out of a newfound co-creative space with God.

My first narrowing came in the letting go of my photography hobby. I still love the wonder of photography and I certainly have my camera and enjoy shooting moments here and there, but I recognized that I was at the cusp of my learning and if I wanted to become really “good” then I would have to devote more time to it. I had to choose.

My second shift happened during the pandemic itself as we all hunkered down into our homes and smaller spaces. I was at least two years into receiving personal spiritual direction; I had completed a year-long spiritual practices series of retreats; and, I was even asked if I wanted to consider becoming a Deacon in the Episcopal Church or study to become a Spiritual Director. So many wonderful choices, but again, I searched my heart and God’s heart within my heart and found that I didn’t need a formal title to grow within and deepen my relationship with God. Instead, I wanted to write about it and not just regurgitate what I had been taught, but to integrate the process and weave the discoveries into my writing.

Here’s what fiction gives me that other formats do not. Multiple characters can see and experience circumstances, faith, God, relationships, pain, disappointment, betrayal, love and many other aspects in a variety of ways that don’t always fit into a traditional Christian box. I don’t fit into that box either. Fiction gives me the most freedom.

At my launch party, someone asked me if any of my characters were based on real people I knew, and the crowd laughed when I said, “everyone.” But most of all, my characters are also based on parts of me, both light and dark, as well as good and “evil.” Fiction may be a story, but what lies beneath it can be deep Truth.