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Archive for the ‘Lent’ Category

What do you think it means to “fight the good fight?” I used to think it meant a lot of proselytizing and speaking out for the faith. I needed to take a stand, face derision for my beliefs, hold the line, and be bold for Jesus. Wrong.


I Timothy 6:11-12a
But you, man [woman] of God, flee from all this [the love of money], and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith.

To fight the good fight, it’s an interior struggle; it’s learning to choose, in the moment, the right way, the honest way, a choice that may not be “best” for me. It’s about experiencing God in such a way that I am awake to the Holy Spirit and respond to people and situations as the Christ would. It’s about believing in the truth of the Presence. It’s all real and true and does make a difference inside me. I am different because of that Presence. It’s love. And that’s the most difficult of all because it’s love in the face of all things, it’s love so strong that one’s heart is visible, it’s love so authentic that is can tolerate rejection and hatred and betrayal. That’s why endurance is part of the package. That’s the fight part. Keeping on. And then, the last: gentleness. What? Gentleness? How do we do this long-suffering battle with gentleness?

It would take everything in me to test to truth of these words. And that’s the point.

I need to be gentle with myself. It’s a journey. It’s a war to become . . . to really give it all away (those old ways, not just the stuff) and follow the Christ.

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Contentment can turn into complacency if not tempered by the presence of God. While the drive for monetary success can override smaller, gentler ways and cause discontent, sorrow, or grief. Success, fame, renown . . . they are also cut from the same cloth as the love of money.


I Timothy 6:6, 10
But godliness with contentment is great gain. . . . For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Two sides of a coin are represented in this brief passage.

On one side, I see the importance of adding godliness to the formula for contentment. So many people have taken contentment to mean “door mat” or satisfaction with misrepresentation. Neither of these are correct. True contentment is wrapped up in trust first and sensitized to the Spirit within that trust wrapper. When we cannot change a situation, then we must trust God to know and impact it in God time. And when we can change a situation, then we must move according to the stirrings from the Holy Spirit, moving at a non-human speed. That’s how contentment and godliness work together.

On the other side of my coin is too much action with the wrong motivation. It’s change for the sake of personal gain alone. It’s living a deception and for this reason, it brings grief, for once the money or fame or notoriety are achieved, truth is lost and in many cases, the people who mattered most are cast away while the secret dream that had nothing at all to do with money is forgotten.

Sometimes, acclaim comes without an expectation or specific desire for it. Sometimes, it’s a by-product because a person acted out of pure motive and devotion. It can happen. But not often.

For me, I have known none all and none. Griefs have come and I have felt the piercings. Mostly, because of my fears of not having money. And so, there is a holding or misuse of money, a drive to protect what I do have. It colors my world and I don’t like it, but I am hard-pressed to let go. I am hard-pressed to experience contentment within the confines of what is: this much money and no more; this lifestyle and not another; this security and not that other one; this way for now and not another way.

Grief comes with loss and how interesting to be warned of loss in the midst of “financial gain.” Another scriptural paradox!

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Words are compelling. They can change someone’s mind or lock in a point of view; they can soothe or they can motivate to action; they can break a heart or heal. Words create and words destroy. Depending on the wielder of those words and the interpreters, meaning can go either way.

I Timothy 6:4b-5a
“. . . He [one against the message of the Christ] has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between men, . . . ”

Currently, there is quite the controversy over the book, Love Wins, by Rob Bell. Perhaps by now, a few of the attackers of this book have actually read it, but I have a feeling that their minds are made up about the author and will read into those words what they believe are true. In response, they have added more words that are even more controversial, like heretic and apostate and “universalist.” These words are highly charged and challenge anyone who might want to agree with Rob Bell’s proposition as being in equal danger. Each day, I google Rob’s name and his book to find additional essays and points of view. Today, I discovered a well crafted essay from Richard J. Mouw, the President of Fuller Theology, who called Bell’s book one of salvific generosity or a generous orthodoxy, a term popularized by Brian McLaren some years ago (also a controversial author).

And so the battles rage about words and more words. Some are determined to “protect the faith” and some are equally determined to take grace to its limits, expanding the faith.

I am not a theologian nor do I have any authority to speak either way really, except by personal experience. I have written about my mother before who died at 91, in full dementia, and after a long life of mental instability, bitterness, and hardness of heart. But, when it came time for the end of her life, love was there and she had a specific experience of seeing the Christ. How could that be? How could God break through that cloud of confusion? Because, love can win. That love came through me, my husband, my children, my church family, my friends, and my neighbors. That love was three-dimensional, yes, but I believe it was also supernatural.

There is potential for recognition of the Way at any point in a life. We will never know.

When I give my own testimony of how God reached into my own soul, I am always reminded that several people who had known me before my revelation would say, “You? You are a Christian? You are LAST person I would think would ever do that.” And so it was, that I was the last person, like the woman who washed Jesus’s hair with her tears. And so, among the terrorists and killers, the child molesters and liars, the idolaters and the prisoners, I am there too. We are all among the last. And what words are there for us?

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What is it about the laying on of hands that is so potent that Paul must give warning about it? Some translations imply it’s the implied authority that the laying on hands imparts, but I think there might be more to it than that: it might have to do with power.

I Timothy 5:22
Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, and do not share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure.

When the elders or leaders lay hands on Timothy, he was empowered or anointed or sent forth to do the work to which he was called. The people who touched him agreed with this call and witnessed it. They shared some part of themselves through that touch. And with it all, came the “gift” that was his and needed for the work ahead.

On occasion, we still see the laying on the hands in our contemporary churches. Sometimes, it is done to send out someone on a missionary journey or a new project. But more often, it is done in the name of healing. And isn’t it because we want that act to evoke a change? We desire for our health, let’s say, to give strength to the one who is sick. Or, maybe, we can be a conduit for a greater power, that of God Himself through the Holy Spirit within us.

But why doesn’t it seem to work?

Perhaps we lay hands too quickly. Perhaps we have missed the true transaction. Perhaps we should step back and consider why we are reaching out.

The laying on of hands should be intentional. I intend to make my next act more meaningful. I will ask for the explicit participation of the Holy Spirit beforehand. I will prepare my heart and clear my mind and purposefully extend the promise of the Christ.

Who am I to do this? No one, but a follower of the Christ who walks ahead of me and shows the way.

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Paul writes to the elders who “direct the affairs of the church” and I can’t help but wonder, what is this church? Many have written about the church over the centuries and it continues to morph. Today, some are big business while others gather in a private home. What is it for me? You?

I Timothy 5:17
The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching.

There is something about the corporateness of “church” that appeals to me. If I had the time, I’d look up the scripture references to gathering together, supporting one another, and building unity. But for now, I’ll just say, I know, in my heart, that “koinonia” is important.

There is a difference between Church (capital “C”), the greater Body of Christ throughout the world and the sub-unit of the Body, also called church (small “c”). In some cases, those sub-units have become silos and have built walls between their brands of corporate worship and the practices of other groups. They may even worship the same God but too many become suspicious if activities and terminology don’t resonate with their own.

Is church merely a place to worship together? Or is it just a corporate agreement that we share the same God? Is it a family? Or is it better than family? Is it accidental or intentional?

Some will glibly say the church is the people and not the building. And yet, they don’t know the person sitting next to them.

Mike and I are part of the launch of a new church in Havre de Grace called Restore Church. What will that look like? How will it be different, or will it? What does it mean to “do church?” Will we be able to know one another? Will we achieve true koinonia?

Will we get caught up in the government of church or the “affairs of the church” and lose the essence?

There is so much talk about church planting, but what are we planting? Are we putting down roots? Are we nurturing ourselves and others?

For the past twenty years, we have been at the same church, a wonderful mass of people, and yet we felt it was time to move on to experience something else. There was no anger, no complaints, not really, just a languishing feeling. My fear is that it simply comes with my age. Am I simply tired of church in its most traditional sense? What is it I want to experience now?

I have a lot of questions but few answers today. But I know this, it’s important to ask and to seek. It’s important for Spirit to lead.

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Culture, culture, culture. Is there any doubt that Paul is writing out of his time and place? In these verses, Paul lays out some very specific parameters and rules in order to be on the “widow list.” What did they get for being in this list?

I Timothy 5:9-10
No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband [dead or alive], and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

According to the Amplified translation, the list or roll was for those women who would, from that day forward (assuming they could stay on the list), would receive church support. They would be cared for and loved. God forbid if a woman was 59 or 58. Would they bend the rules? What is her husband was an abusive clod? What if her children, despite her efforts, ended up in jail? Who decides what is hospitable?

If there are women out there who met all of Paul’s rules, I doubt very seriously that they would need to be on the widow list because individuals would be reaching out to them for all their good deeds, help, and foot washing [personal service]. Outside of money, the women on Paul’s list seem to be strong, healthy, and full of spiritual insight. They would be loved and appreciated already.

Sorry, but I think the women on the widow list might need to be different in today’s world: homeless, abused, neglected, lonely, shamed, lost, addicted, sick, or hungry. They need strategies for survival and recovery. They need patience and forbearance. They need unconditional love and wisdom.

The widow list is not like Santa’s list, where only the “good kids” get the stuff. Like the movie, Cider House Rules, where the list was made by people who had never walked or understood the shoes of those who lived in the Cider House, so are Paul’s Widow List Rules. I find him insensitive and downright clueless.

But perhaps the really sad thing is that we all make “Widow lists.” We judge the ones around us and compare their circumstances to the list in our heads. Is this person deserving? Should I give this homeless person a dollar or will he/she squander it away?

I wish I could remember her name, but there is an amazing British woman who has served in China for many years as a missionary. I will never forget one of her teachings that chided us well-meaning helpers saying that Jesus only asked that we give and serve the poor, not second-guess what will be done with with the gift. Such an idea goes against everything we assume: shouldn’t I be a steward for what I give? I don’t know the answer to that.

But today, I’d like to throw out my lists and see what happens.

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Photo by Roy Mac

A friend of mine derisively asked me what traditional Christians believed they were being saved from? She, who believes more so in the oneness of all things and the greater gestalt of body, mind, & soul, has no reason to entertain an eventual end result of hell. Is that what salvation is all about: “not” hell and “yes” heaven?

I Timothy 4:16
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

It’s not quite so simple for me. I mean, I believe in a God that is so not like us that we can’t fathom what God IS. Why else would God say, “I am that I am” [Exodus 3:4]. God is non-dimensional in a human sense and because God probably dwells in a non-dimensional or other-dimensional world (for lack of a better term), is that heaven? Or is that simply not our world?

Then, to complicate matters, some of this non-dimensional space exists within us — that’s the “kingdom within” stuff.

“Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, ‘The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, “Here it is,” or “There it is,” because the kingdom of God is within you.’ “[Luke 17:20-21]

Isn’t the kingdom heaven? Yes. Within . . . and without. Because God is greater than my interior self or my personal piece of the Holy Spirit.

So what is hell then? Well, it’s certainly NOT any of those things. It’s not experiencing the kingdom within or without. It’s not being aware of personal spirit, much less Holy Spirit. It’s a separation. The question is whether there is sentience (awareness, mental perception, consciousness) after the body stops working, after the body dies. Is it hell because the self knows it is separated? [See the story of Lazarus, a poor man who begged at the gate of a rich man every day. Lazarus died and went to heaven while the rich man died and went to hell – and knew it. Luke 16:19-31]

Christ says the way of the personal spirit, the soul if you will, is easy after “body death” when it’s connected to a “host.” We are literally invited to become parasitic and leech off the Holy Spirit as much as we want. I know these terms are generally used in a negative sense, but think about it. And for interest’s sake, I found that one of the synonyms for parasite is follower or apostle as well as bootlicker, sycophant and servant.

“This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” [I Timothy 2:3-4]

Knowledge of the truth is awareness of the way.

To be saved then is to discover the inner way and to be conscious of it, to choose to jump on the back of the Host. Once attached and embedded, then Self is redirected and desire is born to love, to help, to enlighten, to listen, to bear, to hope, to renew, to persist, to expand, to glow, to know, and to become transparent.

There are a lot of people who are bashing Rob Bell for his latest book called “Love Wins.” Lots of hype. But it’s interesting to me to discover how many people are angry that he is saying that Love might be so powerful that it will become the ultimate paradox and break open the gates of hell. God is Love and God provided the Christ to reveal the mystery of the love message and the Holy Spirit to work the message in our lives.

In the early days of my Christian walk, I cringed when well-meaning people in passionate church settings would ask me if I’d been saved. I had no idea what they were talking about except for some vague sense of possibly escaping the fires of Dante’s Inferno if I asked Jesus into my heart. Asking Jesus into one’s heart is only effective if we latch on tight to the Host. Life is a rodeo. And hell is a tsunami of the soul.

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