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What Do I Want to Hear?

February 27, 2012 by Irmgarde Brown

How often do people say, “Did you pray about it?” or “Did you ask God first?” and although I may or may not specifically seek God’s favor or direction, can I hear truth if I have already made up my mind on what I want to hear, on what I want to do? Am I just looking for a stamp of approval?

I Kings 22:5
But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel [Ahab], “First seek the counsel of the LORD.”

When Jehoshaphat came to ask Ahab to join forces against the King of Aram [Damascus], they both knew they needed God’s go-ahead. Despite hearing his standard 400 prophets affirm the plan, Ahab (evil as he was) still wanted one more proof, a endorsement from the prophet Micaiah who served the one God. They went through the motions and Micaiah even played along and agreed with all the other prophets. But Ahab didn’t believe him and made him give the true message from God. It wasn’t a good message: both armies would be scattered and Ahab would lose his life.

Despite dressing in disguise for the battle, a random arrow shot Ahab anyway. He stood and watched the battle and the destruction of his army as blood filled his chariot before he died.

Ahab believed he could trick the prophecy by disguising himself. He actually believed in the words of Micaiah enough to do that, but not enough to halt the plan, to change his mind.

I don’t have a prophet to come to my house and tell me God’s answers to my questions. But I have written often and believe the presence of the Holy Spirit within me is my source of inspiration and prophetic expression. As a result, I am respectably good at hearing affirmation from the Spirit when I seek a sanction to proceed. But I am not no sure I recognize the stop signs, the tug of holding back, the cautions. Sometimes, I will take silence as an approval. It’s because I want that thing to happen; I want to will it to be so, to be OK.

My single focus on what I want closes my interior hearing. I am no better than Ahab in that regard.

Forgive me Lord. Help me sustain those times of confusion or “not knowing” long enough to hear truth, to recognize truth whether it be a yes or no, a now or later, a different answer than I want.

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Made Alive in the Spirit

February 26, 2012 by Irmgarde Brown

Michelangelo's Pieta

Since the Sundays in Lent are generally excluded from most Lenten rituals, I decided to do something a little different on Sundays as well. I looked up the Lectionary for today, Year B. A Lectionary (a list of scripture readings appointed for a given day or occasion) is generally used by denominations that follow the church calendar such as Catholics, Eastern Orthodox, or Episcopalians. Judaism also has a lectionary of Torah readings.

Today, the readings are from Genesis 9:8-17 (Old Testament); Psalm 25:1-10 (Psalm, usually read responsively); I Peter 3:18-22 (New Testament); and Mark 1:9-15 (One of the Gospels).

The phrase that captured my imagination is from I Peter 3:18b “He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.”

It is through the transformation that Jesus endured from his 40 days in the desert to his death and resurrection that his Christ-ness is revealed to Human and the Holy Spirit is given to Earth to dwell with us and in us. It is the ultimate integration of the covenant God made with Noah for the sake of all life on earth which he signed with a rainbow. Jesus began his three year ministry after his trial in the desert; his first message was straightforward: “The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!” [Mark 1:15] Christ=Kingdom of God.

And lastly, I had a secondary serendipitous experience. For the last 6 months or so, I have started my morning devotion time with a single scripture, to prepare my heart and mind. This is what I wrote on the top of every page: “Guide me in your truth and teach me for you are my God and Savior and my trust is You.” [Psalm 25:5] To find the same passage in today’s Lectionary confirmed the rightness of choice and serene presence, as though, I too was being made alive in the Spirit.

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With All My Heart

February 25, 2012 by Irmgarde Brown

From Holy Card Heaven online Collection

The Israelites were set to enter the promised land when Moses gave one last sermon (since he was not going with them) in which he warned them of the slow falling away that would probably happen. And yet, he also promised a God way to stop the downward spiral.

Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there [Canaan] you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.

So many times, I have not recognized my own descent into old habits and ways.

How often have I successfully achieved my weight loss goal and then, slowly crept right back up again to the old weight or worse, a higher weight. I lose my tenaciousness after the goal is met. I stop paying attention. I listen to the wrong inner voice that gives me permission, “just this once” or “a little won’t hurt.”

But this same thing happens spiritually. When I experience those divine highs, it is often easy to lose sight of the way that got me there.

God is not the one who is far away. I am the one who turned aside. I lose my focus and become engaged in something along the side of the road. And soon, I am heading down a side path, picking up crumbs along the way, curious where it will lead even, but ultimately I end up in some brambles and the trail that looked so clear at first, is indiscernible.

At that point, what to do? I look up and see I am in uncharted woods. How do I seek God at that point “with all my heart?” What does that look like? When I am in chaos or depressed or caught up in a situation or relationship that is overwhelming, what is next?

That is the moment in which I must choose how to give up. But which kind? Will I give up to the moment and keep doing what I’ve been doing? Will I say, “what’s the point of trying anymore?” Will I eat the next ten pounds in resignation? Will I stay in an abusive situation? Or is there a different way to give up?

Seeking God with the whole heart and soul is a type of submission, a giving in, a giving up to a higher authority. It’s confessing my inability to fix, solve, or extricate myself from the moment.

This is the most dangerous juncture. This is the prayer point that can change everything — or not.

Each time I reach this point, the fear is almost overwhelming. If I really give this up to God, what will my life be like? Will I be the same person? What if I have to become a missionary and go to Africa or Uzbekistan or something like that? Will I have to sell everything and live with the poor in India? If I give God my heart and soul, will I turn into some right-wing Bible-thumping narrow-minded extremist?

Goofy, right? I’m just saying, that’s how my mind careens when I’m faced with true change. But, of course, it’s not like that at all. When I do pray in this letting go way, when I confess my weaknesses and my self-destructive choices, when I hand my “out-of-control” to God, slowly and methodically, the downward slide stops. Breath. And a new way is illuminated, sometimes dimly, sometimes in bright neon. But God’s promise is a faithful one.

Seeking God with my whole heart and soul is a prayer of confession and discovery. Like the prodigal son [Luke 15:11-31], my eyes are opened, and I am able to start the walk home, one foot after another. I become the small child who is learning how to walk, each step I take toward the arms of grace is a victory. And the angels rejoice.

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Lookin’ in All the Wrong Places

February 24, 2012 by Irmgarde Brown

There are two insights here: one, the implication here is that mediums and such have power otherwise, it wouldn’t matter and two, looking for direction from them is a type of spiritual adultery.

Leviticus 19:31
‘Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God.

I have always held a healthy respect for people who are gifted with other-worldly capabilities and communications. Of course, there are charlatans as well, but I do believe there are legitimate seers and mediums. To throw the baby out with the bathwater and say they don’t exist is foolish. There is a spirit realm and it’s not just populated with angels and cupids. There are forces outside our 3-D world and they are referenced in the Bible a great deal [See Ephesians 6:12].

The point is that we are discouraged from using these people to communicate with that world. I don’t know why, really. This is a trust issue. I think of it as the same warnings that parents give to children, to stay away from the burners of the stove. It’s a force we may not understand fully and it’s better to stay away.

I was thinking that part of the problem might be the limitations of the message. Perhaps a medium would give direction based on circumstances in that moment and the listener takes it to heart and makes decisions and plans based on that advice. We may move in this one direction based on the revelations of a spiritist, but then miss out on a more creative plan that God may have.

It’s a matter of settling in and trusting the Holy Spirit to direct our lives. That is rarely on our time schedule. And so often, we become discouraged or impatient (like Saul and the witch of Endor – see I Samuel 28) and look for the easy answers, the quick result.

Lastly, is the issue of spiritual adultery. God promises to take care of us. It’s a covenant relationship just like marriage. If we seek direction from other sources, we are showing our distrust and we are breaking our vow to remain faithful to the One God.

I’m not so rigid to believe that reading books about fantasy or fairy tales are dangerous. I think that’s going overboard. I also don’t believe lighthearted play with a ouija board or tarot cards is going to mar a person for life. The danger is in the authority we give to these people and practices. As soon as we seriously engage in them, we are, indeed, playing with fire.

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Because I Said So

February 23, 2012 by Irmgarde Brown

Clearly, if we must be told, as a people, to “not” hold grudges or seek revenge, it must be a norm or tendency. My kids call it “paybacks.” Instead, we are to love our neighbor and why? Because the Lord God says so.

Leviticus 19:18
‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

Of all the things I struggle with, I don’t believe seeking revenge is that high on my list. Grudge-keeping on the hand, is pretty good sport in my head. It’s just one more list. I keep lots of lists and the grudge list, whether I want to admit it or not, is hanging out there waiting for additions at a moment’s notice. It’s amazing how quickly I can drag up the list once I’m wronged again. Not good.

The solution, based on this scripture, is to love that neighbor. And not just love them in general, but with the same care that we love ourselves.

There’s a trend out there to turn this command into a kind of self-serving mandate: I must learn to love myself first. I think that’s self-help myth. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all love ourselves enough to keep eating, sleeping, and entertaining ourselves. That’s not to say we don’t abuse our bodies, use terrible self-talk, and procrastinate. My guess is that the best way to stop self-bashing is to stop bashing others. In the meantime, if I could just give the courtesy of basic acceptance, like food, shelter, clothing, and remember that everyone is working the human thing. We all make mistakes.

I think it’s time to erase the grudge lists. Delete, delete.

Anyway, there’s good reason to do so. God says so.

There is no grudge, no revenge, no mistake, no betrayal that is bigger than God. If I can’t figure it out, if I can’t muster up the reasons to let these things go, then I may have to drop back to the common denominator: God says so.

As a parent, how many times have I finally used this reason. Sometimes, it’s just too complicated, too time-consuming, too frustrating to explain the ins and outs of why a particular decision must be made. Kids don’t get it. And so, I drop back and punt: Because I said so. Apparently, in this case, God feels the same way. Stop with the lists and planning for evil and love instead. It doesn’t have to be Valentines Day with hearts and flowers and chocolates, just the basics, just simple courtesy and respect for the core of the other person, the sacred core created by God.

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Seeking God’s Will

February 22, 2012 by Irmgarde Brown

To whom do you go seeking God’s will? The “right” answer is that we go to God, but honestly, how many of us are very good at “hearing” God’s answers to the burning questions of our lives, our hopes, our futures, our decisions?

Exodus 18:15
Moses answered him [Jethro], “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will. . . . “

When Moses led the people out of Egypt, it was understood that he had communion with God, heard God’s voice, and was directed by God. The people believed in Moses and trusted him. Of course, this was before he disappeared up Mt. Sinai for forty days and forty nights. Nonetheless, at that point, they came to him for “judgments” in the midst of their disagreements. It was Jethro, Moses’s father-in-law, who observed the morning to evening ritual of “holding court” that Moses did for the people and it was Jethro who suggested Moses divide these responsibilities to other trusted leaders that Moses could appoint over “thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens,” saving the more difficult cases for himself.

Here’s the point: As long as we give authority to someone to make a judgment on our behalf, we are accepting that judgment as God’s will.

This is the basis for our modern court system in which we have, as a culture, determined that controversies should be submitted to a judge (and sometimes a jury), to pronounce an answer, a judgment. Of course, in our world, we have now developed a complex appeal system. In essence, saying, “that’s not God’s will, that’s not the answer I wanted or needed or expected; that judgment wasn’t fairly determined, let’s try again, etc.”

To whom do you give the authority to make judgments in your life?

Is God sovereign or not? As a believer, can I make a judgment or take a path that is outside God’s ultimate will? OK, I’ll grant that my road could be shorter/smarter/leaner if my decisions were more in tune with the Holy Spirit. If I could slow down and ask God more often for direction, I’d probably stop wasting so much time and energy on detours. And yet, God does make the Way.

I have no Moses. Instead, I have the presence of the Holy Spirit within, given by God through the Christ. God’s will is not some floating pronouncement out of reach that requires intense prayer and fasting and study. It’s in the little things, the little daily judgments, the little decisions. And then, it’s on me to accept “what is” in order to move on to what can come next.

Today, I am in God’s will. I have given authority to Christ Jesus who dwells within as Spirit.

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Fat Tuesday 2012

February 21, 2012 by Irmgarde Brown

Photograph by Frederick Glazier, circa 1900

As noted earlier, tomorrow begins a new series of meditations for Lent. But today is Fat Tuesday or the last day of Mardi Gras and Carnivale; some cultures call it Pancake Day or Shrove Tuesday.

I was curious how the pancake thing got started and apparently (according to Wikipedia) pancakes have all the ingredients (sugar, fat, flour and eggs) that are normally curtailed during Lent. Now, to be honest, I’m not planning on excluding these things from my diet during Lent. Instead, I’ll be dropping Lattes and Sodas (OK, some sugar there, but mostly Aspertame and other chemicals) as well as my current addiction for Scrabble, Words with Friends, online Sudoku, and Angry Birds. No long-standing traditions there for the Tuesday before Lent except play as many of those games I can in a day and have two lattes today instead of my requisite one. I should probably put $3.17 in a jar every day too.

I’m being a little frivolous here but truthfully, the whole point of Lent is to set aside some time, to reset the mind (and body) to a different circadian rhythm. We all have habits that drive us. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve missed a highway entrance or exit because it was different from my routine.

Lent is God time. As I consider this challenge, I’m thinking I will try to do a lot of things differently, like take a different route to work and modify my morning and evening routines. I want to look with new eyes and hear with refreshed ears. I want to visit places I have never seen before. I want to give myself permission to expect God in all of these new places and new experiences.

Out in the open wisdom calls aloud,
she raises her voice in the public square;
on top of the wall[d] she cries out,
at the city gate she makes her speech.

I want to hear wisdom calling.

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