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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Hour of Decision

Posted in Feast Days and Holy Days, Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2009| Leave a Comment »

John 12:23
Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified….”

There are several places in scripture where Jesus refers to “the hour.” Sometimes he speaks of it as a time that cannot be known or that the hour was approaching or that the hour had not yet come. But here in John 12, the tone changes and he identifies the time as “his hour.” From that “hour” forward, everything would be different.

I’m pretty sure most of us can’t predict when one of our “hours” is necessarily approaching, but when it does come, I think we know it for what it is. Now, I am not talking about the hour of a person’s death. I am talking about an hour of decision… an hour of transformation… an hour of self-discovery. These “hours” or times usually place a question before us: will you go or stay, will you accept or reject, will you agree or disagree, will you lie or tell the truth, (to name a few). These are those decisions that cannot be taken back.

Preparation for these “hours” is general, at best. As a Christian, the obvious things apply such as prayer, study, worship, and sensitivity to the voice of God. But perhaps it is more telling how we walk out our decisions after they are made.

I have a friend who is in a terrible marriage (who doesn’t know someone like this?) and continues to grieve and cry and rant over the circumstances. I understand in my heart and yet, I cannot help but think that the “hour” came and went. If a person decides “to stay,” then the rest of the time should be spent making “to stay” work. If not, then go, and make “leaving” work. One cannot both stay in body and leave in spirit or heart (or vice versa). It is living a lie.

When Jesus resurrected Lazarus, it was His last great miracle. He did not tell anyone “not to tell.” His time had come and everyone needed to know it. So He climbed on a donkey and entered Jerusalem publicly inviting His enemies to finish what they had started. He accepted every step, every curse, every attack, and every pain after His decision. We must do the same.

We have been fooled into believing that the decision itself is the hard part. Not at all, it’s the life after the decision that is the challenge. Thanks be to God who helps us walk out our decisions, both good and bad.

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On Brotherly Affection 3

Posted in Fifty days with Jesus, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2008| 1 Comment »

So let’s talk about families and relationships. What is the expectation? While we are still children , we certainly expect our parents to be safe. We expect our parents to know what is best. We expect them to love us and take care of us. If this expectation is broken, for whatever reason, we are already at a disadvantage as we move into adulthood. If we have lost our ability to trust, we have lost one of the key elements to love.

Love requires an exposure of the heart and the ability to tolerate a bit of heart stomping. But there are limits to what a heart can bear.

Children are extremely resilient. They can forgive “absent,” “bad,” “neglectful,” and even “brutal” parents for a long time, but eventually there is a toll that is extracted from the heart. So often, these broken experiences with a parent are stumbling blocks on the path toward hearlthy adult relationships not to mention a relationship with Christ.

But perhaps the parents are not cruel, but simply broken themselves. The cycle often goes from one generation to another. They may have never experienced unconditional love, trust, encouragement, praise, boundaries, instruction, or anything else that is part of the growing up process. They cannot “miraculously” pass these elements down to their own children. They must learn them themselves first.

There are ways to repair the damage to the heart and to learn new behaviors and attitudes. In the secular world, it is usually through counseling or, if the person is lucky, through an extremely well-grounded, patient, and healthy mate who can model love (but this opportunity is rare since most broken adults are rarely attracted to healthy adults… but gravitate to the familiar).

In the Church, this healing should come through our interactions with Christ and the family of Christ. First of all, we have Christ’s sacrifice [symbolized by the cross] whose blood insures we have access to God Himself … we have access to the holy of holies where there is healing for all. And so, we should be able to appropriate this power, to place the cross between ourselves and others, and to connect heart to heart, soul to soul, spirit to spirit. The past should no longer have such a great influence over us.

Instead, we forget what is available to us. We shield the heart from further hurts. We create our own version of the “holy of holies” and only allow others into the “outer court.”

I’m thinking it’s time to take down the veil between my personal “holy of holies” and the outer court. It’s time to stop requiring all kinds of sacrificial proofs from people I encounter… prove to me that you won’t hurt me, take these litmus tests to prove your worthiness or compatibility quotient to be my friend, be sure you are “like” me before you enter or you’ll be cast aside.

Earlier I said that the heart must be able to tolerate a little stomping. I know this to be true because Jesus himself alluded to it… the forgiving of others seventy times seven for starters.

When I came to the Lord, it was through a young man who initially hid his Christianity from others because he was afraid that people wouldn’t like him. Instead, they didn’t like him anyway because they believed he was “faking” and hiding something. They even thought he was “gay” and encouraged to “come out.” In the end, he did come out… he came out as a Christian. Did it turn things around? Did he suddenly have great numbers of friends? No, not really. But he felt better about himself. And, in the end, because he came out for Jesus, his testimony brought me to the Lord. That was almost 30 years ago.

Friendship, marriages, families, churches … all relationships must be based on truth. There are no guarantees in relationships. When the heart is injured by another, it is only Christ within who can heal, protect and renew. But we should not ask Him to insulate us from pain. The butterfuly that does not struggle to emerge from the cocoon is not strong enough to survive. Life has pain. Relationships have pain. Love has pain. We grow stronger through experience if we choose it.

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