Meditations from Zion

John 7:12
Among the crowds there was widespread whispering about him. Some said, “He is a good man.” Others replied, “No, he deceives the people.”

I used to think that it was critical to maintain a good reputation. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it is impossible to do. How my actions or words are interpreted and cannot be controlled? From one person’s perspective, my behavior may seem erratic, loud, insensitive. From another person’s perspective, I am charming, spontaneous, and entertaining.

I can only be true to myself and subordinated to a God who will guide me from within … if I listen and comply. But my compliance and faithfulness will not control reputation. There is comfort in doing what I believe is right, but I can’t expect my actions or words to be universally accepted or understood.

For many years, I have been tossed about by the wind of reputation. I have worried too much about the opinion of others. I have been a chameleon, hoping to adapt to every situation and person. I feared the talk behind my back, the looks, the sudden quiet when I walk into a room.

But I see now, it is time to stand. “My shield is God Most High…” [Psalm 7:10a] and that must be enough. And as I stand, I will look for the path, the way, that is laid out before me, and I will make every effort to only take a single stepping stone at a time. Each step will have its challenges… the adversarial winds, the tempting sirens, the sluggish heat. Other steps will bring joy, comfort, and confirmation that I am on the right path.

My reputation is in God’s hands. So be it.