I want to do the right thing. I want to be a good mother, wife, and friend. I want to choose well. But truthfully, my “trying” and my desire are not enough.
Romans 7:15; 18b
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. . . . I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
As long as I am trying and doing and choosing in my own strength, I am behaving just like an alcoholic, promising myself and others that I’ll do better “next time.” This is the point of decision: do I keep trying to do it myself or abandon this tactic and truly give myself over to that “higher power?”
Even though I have surrendered a great deal of my life, I am still hanging on to a lot of details. I am still hanging on to what “I want to do” with my life and what my kids should be doing. I am still controlling. I keep taking back the reins particularly when I look around and the environment has become unfamiliar.
God is actually about change. And although I say I love change, it’s change under my control and understanding that I love: change that doesn’t touch the heart of me.
But now, I see, that God is moving me toward the next level. It’s time to move into new terrain.
I have said again and again that I want more intimacy with God in Christ. So, now, I stand at the door. When I open this door, my ability to control the outcome is negligible. My hand is on the latch.
Meditations from Zion 
I’m right there with you, Irm, aside from the loving change part. Unfamiliar is a scary word for me. I too, want to do what the Lord wants me to do. Why is it so difficult? I suppose it boils down to: I have the desire, but not the will. Staying focused, not letting ourselves get distracted and getting started are the hardest parts. I think we should open the door anyway and give God the opportunity to mold us into HIS kids, for HIS purposes. You are so right… Desire is Not Enough, BUT…Nothing is impossible with God!