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Keeping My Heart Open

November 21, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 16:14b
… The Lord opened her [Lydia] heart to respond to Paul’s message.

Revelation… truth… understanding… none of these can happen without an open heart and it is God who makes this happen. It’s not that we can’t open our own hearts, we can. Unfortunately, we usually don’t realize how closed off we really are. We assume our hearts are open… after all, what does a closed heart even look like?

I imagine a closed heart like a fortress, like the keep of a castle, the last line of defense… it is the stronghold. The heart can be like an entire castle for our normal activities and relationships; we open and close the drawbridge, we let people and ideas come in and out. But the stronghold is not open to just anyone. And sometimes, no one is allowed inside at all. And if we have collected assumptions, secrets, memories, untruths, misconceptions, pain, and prejudices, they are stored in there to keep them “safe.” If the storage areas are full, some of this stuff will pour out through the window slits and cracks and affect our daily lives. But generally, we manage to keep all that stuff inside. It is, after all, way too dangerous to let anyone inside, just opening the door may let too much out.

When I hit forty, my stronghold was so full that it was not just leaking out, it was spewing out periodically like a volcano. I often felt like I would explode, literally. I would sob uncontrollably. I would walk outside in some lonely place and just scream and scream until my throat was raw. My thoughts were jumbled up. I was like a lone survivor in an ocean trying to hold on to a life boat, but with no clue how to get in. I really thought I was going crazy.

I am grateful for the counselors, pastors, and friends who held me up during this difficult time of my life. The very thing I feared the most was the very thing I needed to do: open the keep… open the stronghold. Finally, I asked Jesus to do this work. I could not. When the door finally opened, it was not pretty. Eventually, equilibrium was achieved.

And after awhile, I thought the work was done. The proof was in my fresh energy and sense of renewal. It was during these healing years that we adopted our children, moved into a different house, changed jobs, I got a second master’s degree, I met new people and allowed new ideas to filter in.

But what was considered new then has become somewhat entrenched in my stronghold again. It is not as full as before. It is not as volatile. But I am aware that the door of my heart/my stronghold has been swinging shut more than I would like. And so, I ask my God this day, to keep my heart open. Give me courage to embrace people… all different kinds of people… authentically. Give me faith that you will sift ideas for me. Give me revelation knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. Give me trust that Jesus will always be my doorkeeper.

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For Appearances’ Sake

November 20, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 16:3a
Paul wanted to take him [Timothy] along on the journey, so he circumcised him because of the Jews who lived in that area…

Well, this certainly took me off guard. First, all those promises of freedom for the gentiles who were coming into the faith (including release from having to get circumcised), then, that freedom was tweaked and the gentiles had to follow at least “some” of the laws and it was assumed they would attend synagogues for ongoing instruction. Now, poor Timothy, who was already well respected by the all the believers in Lystra and Iconium, is tapped by Paul to join their band of merry men and become a leader among the believers. Paul wanted to bring Timothy along on the missionary journey. But… and there it is … but!… Paul insisted that Timothy be circumcised!

And the reason? Apparently, it was known that Timothy’s father was Greek and appearances required that he be circumcised. They all agreed that Timothy’s new leadership position required stricter adherence to the laws and traditions of Judaism. He basically needed to “go under the knife” to give himself additional legitimacy.

This outward act did nothing to bring Timothy any closer to God. Its primary purpose was to ease the perceptions of others.

Do we do this with our own leadership? Do we require the outer trappings in order to feel more confident of the person’s heart?

No one does well under the microscope. There is a fabulous episode of Twilight Zone called “The Monsters are Due on Maple Street.” The entire story is built around the power of speculation and interpretation of innocent events which lead to distrust and tragedy. In the end, the aliens really have landed and they discover how easy it was to create paranoia and panic, concluding that the easiest way to conquer the Earth is to let the people of the Earth destroy themselves, one “Maple Street” at a time. We can destroy one another with our assumptions based on appearances.

This is human nature. But, as believers, shouldn’t we look beyond appearances? Let us not put heavier “expectations” on our leaders for the wrong reasons: for appearances’ sake. Let us, instead, look to the heart.

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Grace vs Pragmatism

November 19, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 15:39a
They [Paul and Barnabas] had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company…

I think about all that Paul and Barnabas had been through and wonder how this disagreement finally tipped the scale. Maybe they were always kvetching with each other and this was one kvetch too many. Who knows? But clearly, these wunderkind apostles did fight.

It appears that Barnabas was ready to extend grace to John Mark for his disappearing act when they were all traveling together before (near Pamphylia), but Paul was not. For Paul, it was simply unwise. He didn’t think they could “count on” John Mark.

Both Paul and Barnabas were considered apostles. Both men were familiar with the Holy Spirit. Both men were prayer warriors. Both men were leaders. And yet, they could not agree.

It is no different today. There will always be disagreement between leaders … between believers. Some lean toward grace and some lean toward pragmatism. Is one right where the other is wrong? No, they are simply different roads.

John Mark went on to write the book of Mark which has been included in the canon of scripture. Barnabas disappears from the story after leaving Paul. Silas, Paul’s new companion, went on to work with Timothy. And of course, Paul continued his own journeys. Each man contributed to the story in his own way.

There is a place for both: grace and pragmatism. They are not necessarily on opposite sides of the coin.

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Freedom with Strings

November 18, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 15:19-20
It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God. Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood.

Well, this threw a little wrench in my understanding today. By only looking at small pieces of Bible text at a time, at one moment there seems to be complete freedom and then the next chunk adds the strings. This shows how important it is to have the ability to see the forest and trees.

But I am not a bible scholar. Each day I’m just trying to find what God might be saying to me through the Word and how to apply what I read to my heart walk.

The verses of Acts 15:19-23 put unexpected boundaries around the freedom I had felt in earlier verses. I would need to do much more reading, but from the little I did read this morning (Here a Little, There a Little website), I realize that it’s important to understand more about that time period and culture.

The believing Jews did not expect or want the incorporation of Jesus into their world and faith to separate them from their Judaic heritage. Jesus was/is the Messiah and therefore the completion of many prophecies. He was a Jewish phenomenon and, from their perspective, Jesus was providing a way for the gentiles to be adopted into the faith.

As mentioned in the “Here a Little, There a Little” article, James released the gentiles who were coming to Jesus from circumcision but they would enter the faith with the same restrictions as “strangers” who wanted to live among the Jews (as written in Leviticus 18). And then, they would learn about the law of Moses (verse 21) in their local synagogues. In other words, the disciples expected everyone who came to Jesus to ultimately become a Jew with faith in the Messiah.

This makes sense. But, history shows that things did not work out that way. Instead, over the years, the “Christians” or Christ followers who were gentiles, absorbed their faith in Jesus into their own traditions and faiths.

The strings that James attached to the Christ followers of Asia Minor were not strong enough and Jesus faith morphed and morphed and morphed. Many bible readers say we are following the word of God literally… but if that were true, then we would all be Messianic Jews. That’s not a bad thing at all, but it hasn’t happened that way. And at this point in our world, I doubt it ever will.

So, where does that leave us gentiles today? Hanging onto grace… that’s all we can really do.

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Power of Grace

November 17, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 15:11
“No! We [Peter speaking of Jewish disciples] believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they [the gentiles] are.”

Grace, grace and more grace. It is grace that does all the work. Grace = Jesus.

No human being can operate faithfully and fully within the laws of God alone. It is simply impossible. We are fallible, imperfect, careless, and prone to err. Perhaps we intend the best, but we bring far less to the table of life. We are handicapped in one way or the other. We hurt each other. We fail each other.

My daughter has told me how I am the only one she can trust, that I have been steadfast, that I am her hero. And I tell her… get ready, because I will fail you eventually, whether perceived error or truly just blowing it. I keep trying to bend her trust toward the only One who is totally reliable. It’s not me, I know.

God has poured so much grace upon me already. I am thankful for family, shelter, work, food on the table, transportation, freedom, and health.

Who are the gentiles of today? Isn’t it possible that God will pour out his grace on those unlike us… whose lives are different than our own? Who are we to decide what someone else’s faith walk will be like?

There was much damage done by many well-intentioned missionaries who entered cultures unlike their own and did everything they could to recreate those cultures. Look what the well meaning “whites” did to the Native Americans here in the United States… not just condemning their faith, but stripping Native Americans of their dress, their music, their land, and their history. Or, what of the Africans who were brought to this country? They too were forced into a new life, often under the trappings of “saving their souls” because they were categorized as barbarian or primitive.

Grace is more powerful than anyone’s culture. Grace knows how to integrate into any culture and reach the heart. It is the power of grace that transforms the human spirit. Lives are not changed at my insistence that they worship the way I do or read the text the way I do or pray the way I do.

The Jews who had accepted Christ had to a make a huge shift in thinking in order to embrace the gentiles. Can we do any less to those of other cultures, sexual orientation, or race? Let us trust Grace.

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Giving Up Circumcision

November 16, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 15:5
Then some of the believers who belonged to the party of the Pharisees stood up and said, “The Gentiles must be circumcised and required to obey the law of Moses.”

Circumcision was one of the most important signs or acts that a Jewish man did. It went way back and it was sacrosanct. And yet, here was Jesus turning something else inside out. I mean, at this point in all the conversions, there were even Pharisees who had become believers. The Pharisees were taught to obey the law to its “nth” degree. And yet, here was Paul, who had also been a Pharisee, saying that gentile believers did not need to be circumcised just because Jewish believers were circumcised. That’s huge!

The question that comes to my mind is how many customs and traditions have Christians developed over the years that are just like circumcision? For some it’s baptism of a certain type, for others it’s speaking in tongues (or other manifestations), for others it’s going to church, for others it’s communion specifics, for others it’s designations of priest or pastor to sanctify various things, for others it’s certain social issues, for others it’s sexual orientation, for others it’s certain types of prayers… you get my point.

If God pours out the Holy Spirit on someone who does not match our rules and customs, what then? Is it any different from giving up circumcision?

Jesus turned the Jewish world upside down… but I think Jesus is still turning worlds upside down.

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Conversion in a Vacuum

November 15, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 13:21b-22a
Then they [Paul and Barnabas] returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith.

There were no Bibles for the new Christ-followers in Asia Minor, particularly the gentile converts. There were no “new believers’ kit” and there were no pamphlets. There were no “4 Spiritual Laws” and there were no welcome packets or prayer cards. There were no mentors nearby and no “big sisters or big brothers.” There were no pastors or Jesus-believing rabbi’s.

They had each other.

They had what they could remember from the introductory teachings of Paul and Barnabas. And, if they were lucky, they might have access to a free-spirited Jew who might share with them what he (or she… maybe) knew of the Law or perhaps there was someone who had memorized portions of the psalms and would sing/speak them. Only later, did they have the letters. And still much later, they had a few visits from other believers who trusted Paul and Barnabas and were willing to teach the message of Christ to the gentile converts.

They had prayer, their first and most vital connection to their faith. They had the Holy Spirit.

Their ability to “remain true to the faith” was under girded by the Holy Spirit. And I believe the message was a simple one. They were not dissecting the written word. They had the witness of Paul, Barnabas, and the resonance of truth within.

When I first asked Christ to guide my life, I was alone. I had had the witness of one fallible man, Tom, who had tricked me into reading the New Testament. And on the night I finished reading that Gideon edition of the New Testament, I could not call the essential message a lie. And if it was not a lie, then I had to reckon with the truths.

It is the essential messages that reach the heart: God loves human beings so much that God sent his son-self as a human to teach and show people the nature of the kingdom of God. Jesus proved himself and the kingdom over and over again. He loved and he served and he died (by choice). That sacrificial act made it possible for people to commune directly with God. Jesus then arose from the dead by the power of the Spirit. And that same Spirit manifests the kingdom of God within those who believe to this day. This is how faith operates. This is why we can commune (pray) with God.

But people want to codify the faith. They write, they translate, they extrapolate, they simplify, they complicate, they erase, they add, they emphasize, they minimize, they err, they correct, they change, they rearrange, they chisel, they smooth, they broadcast, they whisper, they blog, they twitter, the IM, they sing, they proclaim, they conceal.

Jesus said, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ [Luke 10:27]

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