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O, My Uncircumcised Heart

October 20, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 7:51
You stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit!

It’s such a temptation to use a public forum like this to pontificate about the condition of the church or the condition of all the “others” who are not in God’s will or plan. But today I realize again how important it is for me to show my own heart. Oh sorrow, it is buried again beneath the layers of self-deception.

The heart is tricky because it regrows layers even after it’s been circumcised. These regrown layers may start out very thin and almost indiscernible at first, but eventually, layer upon layer forms and the heart is back to where it was before the Holy Spirit touched it. As the layers accumulate, the hardness begins to set in and although the mind and body can go through the motions of worship and service, the heart is no longer involved.

Some of the symptoms: a cavalier attitude toward corporate worship, missing times with God, a quick temper, a judgmental cattiness, overwhelming tiredness, forgetfulness, looking for change for the sake of change, putting others under the microscope, dropping responsibilities, indulging the body, resisting the Holy Spirit, just to name a few.

I don’t think I’m at the totally hardened stage yet … obviously, or I wouldn’t be writing today.

Psalm 51:17 says, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” It’s really quite simple, acknowledge what is happening and be chastened by the truth of it. It goes right along with repent. It goes right along with choice.

God does not come in with a sledge hammer or a fancy butcher knife to do heart work. Instead, like a child who runs to a parent and shows the injury, God brings comfort and then gently removes the harmful effects. God cleans the layers of dirt and grime and if necessary, the scab that his holding in infection. God uses truth with love.

I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like placing myself in places where I might get hurt. I hide my fears with layers of humor and bravado and chameleon-esque behaviors. In this way, I can keep people out of the tender places, I can control the connections. I know how to hide.

Oh, “refiner’s fire,” come and burn away the dross. Give me courage to be transparent and authentic. Give me courage to accept my tender places.

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Bare Feet and Holy Ground

October 16, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 7:33
Then the Lord said to him [Moses], ‘Take off your sandals; the place where you are standing is holy ground…’ [Stephen to the Sanhedrin]

I have always thought Moses was told to remove his sandals because they defiled the ground. But today, as I read this passage, I see something new: it was important for Moses to actually feel that holy place with his feet. There was strength and truth and power that would touch him through the ground, that holy earth spot.

I don’t have much experience, background or tradition of holy places outside the church or in various para-church settings. But I think there would be more experiences if I would open myself to them. I too often cocoon myself away from seeking out holy places.

In the same way that Moses stepped onto holy ground initially in sandals, I clothe myself in tradition and limiting expectations. It’s time to take off my shoes…. again.

Some years ago, I was on the cutting edge of worship. I was listening to the Vineyard and Hillsong and even Maranatha before that. I was standing on the charismatic bandwagon and riding up front. I was dancing and praising and jumping and shaking and laughing. I was speaking in tongues and singing in the spirit. I was prophesying and interpreting. I was on fire.

But I don’t think I was standing in bare feet on holy ground. Not really. I was going through the motions (and emotions) of what it might mean to touch holy ground. Actually, all I did was put on a different pair of shoes than the more traditional churches were passing out to their congregants.

Today, there is another generation of believers who is trying to take off their shoes and experience God’s holiness. For some of us, it’s too different. They are getting their feet very dirty. They are slopping through some weird stuff, but they are persisting through the swamp and on to higher ground. They are loving God and loving Christ Jesus and loving their neighbors. They are emergents like the Emergent Village, they are Christianity 21, they are Catalyst, they are in “conversation.” They are connected virtually and face to face. They are Solomon’s Porch, Apex, House of Mercy, Ooze, Axxess, Sublime Remix, Boaz, Headspace, Cedar Ridge, Water’s Edge, Tribe, Resonance, Three Nails, Mars Hill, and ReIMAGINE, to name just a few. They are embracing Christ in our culture and sharing His relevance with those who have long since worn boots in all the holy and unholy places.

For the naysayers against this new brand of followership, I remind them of Gamaliel, “So in the present case, I say to you, stay away from these men and let them alone, for if this plan or action is of men, it will be overthrown; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them; or else you may even be found fighting against God.” [Acts 5:38-39]

Lord, take my shoes this day and help me touch holy ground. Give me insight and transforming power. Give me courage to walk in this new place. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll dance again.

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Between Two Worlds

October 15, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 7:22, 25
Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action… Moses thought that his own people [Israelites] would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not.

I know what it means to be between two worlds… or more. I am a first generation American. My parents arrived in this country in 1951 and, as most immigrants do, they looked for a community of Latvians. They ended up in Indianapolis, Indiana where over 2500 Latvians had settled. Over the years, the Latvians built a community center and had various civic and religious organizations. But, when my father died, we were somewhat ostracized from that community and I never understood why and until much later in life.

You see, my mother is only half Latvian and half German. Her mother was German (as well as her step-mother), and in the end, her sympathies and traditions were more rooted in Germany. She had even “re-patrioted” to Germany before the war, a common practice by anyone with any German heritage. My parents actually met in Germany where my father was a prisoner of war and my mother worked as a translator because she was tri-lingual (German, Latvian & English).

In the end, within that Latvian community in Indianapolis, her Germanic roots and her widow status caused many a cold shoulder. As a result, we gravitated to the American society.

But that was not a smooth assimilation either. We were still foreigners. English was actually my second language as we primarily spoke Latvian in the home until after my father’s death. We were definitely different. My mother had a heavy accent and she had some eccentric ideas to say the least.

We lived between those two worlds, trying to juggle them. We attended events and made friends in both worlds, but we never felt truly a part. My brother and I finally chose one community over the other: we chose to become as American as possible and for many years, we both cast off our Latvian heritage.

My daughter, recently adopted from Russia as a teenager, is going through similar struggles. She doesn’t really fit into either world. Her Russian friends (and extended biological family) see her as a traitor of sorts for moving to this country and her American high school is less than embracing, mocking her accent and loopholes in cultural and language norms (by students as well as teachers). Her pain is palpable.

Moses was raised as an Egyptian… but he was an Israelite. He thought he would be embraced by the Israelites when he discovered his lineage and his background. They did not. His solution was to run away. He went to Midian and raised a family there. His solution was to cast aside both cultures and start over. I can understand that mindset.

We all know the story. God called Moses back to lead his people. God had prepared Moses for this task, specifically by placing one foot in each culture.

Someday, my daughter will discover the power of living and surviving the challenges of two cultures.

For myself, I have been more like Moses and I escaped into a different third world: the Christian world… a culture, up until recent years, all its own. But, like Moses, I feel God calling me back to integration.

I cannot run from the pain of my past. It is all part of who I am and who God wants me to become. All of the choices, the mistakes, as well as the victories and successes, are part of today. Those experiences made my today.

I choose wholeness for myself today… for my daughter… and for anyone who has struggled with any separation within.

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Wisdom and Opportunity

October 14, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 7:9b-10
But God was with him [Joseph] and rescued him from all his troubles. He gave Joseph wisdom and enabled him to gain the goodwill of Pharaoh king of Egypt; so he made him ruler over Egypt and all his palace.

They go hand in hand, wisdom and opportunity. It is opportunity that gives expression to wisdom.

I have missed so many opportunities to do or say something because of lack of wisdom. I simply did not know or recognize the moment of decision or worse, I recognized it too late.

In college, I was in a sorority and apparently, many of the sisters were active in Campus Crusade for Christ. At the same time that they started having meetings in our rec room, I started dating. I passed up several opportunities to attend one of those meetings in order to go out or hang out with my new boyfriend. Who would I be today if I had met Christ as a young adult?

In Chicago, when I was trying to get “into” the theater scene, I had my choice of small theater companies with which to align. I didn’t really think about it much nor consider my options and as a result, I chose unwisely. I missed out on working at the Steppenwolf Theatre that has since become part of the bedrock of professional theater in Chicago founded by such icons as Gary Sinise and John Malkovich.

The list goes on. We all make choices that redirect our lives. Granted, there is no way to know which road is really best. Hindsight is always easier than foresight.

But wisdom is a gift of God. And today, I have no excuse for missing a God-created opportunity. If I pursue my opportunities with prayer and meditation first, then I will be ready to choose.

O Lord, give me discernment and sensitivity to the circumstances of my life today and may wisdom be my sister-friend, whispering truth into my heart and soul.

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Looking to My History

October 13, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 7:3
“Leave your country and your people,’ God said [to Abraham], ‘and go to the land I will show you.” [retold by Stephen]

All history has lessons and truth for us today, whether it is on a national, local or personal level. It is important to remember. It is important to tell the stories. It is important to learn from our histories. They put our present into perspective.

So much of who I am today is because of my past. Whether I like it or not, my decisions are all colored by my personal history. I cannot escape my past nor can I pretend these things did not happen.

The fact that my mother was the primary breadwinner and bi-polar while my aged father succumbed to alcoholism and died in my ninth year has colored every relationship I have ever had. Among other things, I learned from my mother fierce independence and self-preservation; from my father I carried away a distrust of men and a fear of abandonment. As a first generation American, I learned what it means to be “different” and an outsider. Growing up in a poor environment, I learned the importance of hard work and commitment.

There are so many things, it’s too difficult to enumerate them here. But my point is that these “history lessons” must be integrated into a life and tempered with the new information of today.

There are blessings and obstacles from the past. All must be remembered and assimilated.

I don’t believe we do enough remembering. Out of my broken past, I have lost much. I assume these lost memories have been locked away in a box somewhere deep inside of me. I am sorry now that I cannot retrieve them and address them as an adult.

But there is still a treasure of later memories. I have known Christ now the majority of my life. It is time to remember and tell the stories of this way that changed the very direction of my life. I am here today and alive (literally) because God touched me, beckoned to me and I followed.

Christ is my story. Christ is my history and my today and my tomorrow. It means something. This partnership changed everything.

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Synagogue of Freedom

October 12, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 6:8-9
Now Stephen, a man full of God’s grace and power, did great wonders and miraculous signs among the people. 9Opposition arose, however, from members of the Synagogue of the Freedmen (as it was called)—Jews of Cyrene and Alexandria as well as the provinces of Cilicia and Asia.

It isn’t mentioned anywhere else that I could find, this “synagogue of freedom.” So, it must of been a local phrase coined at the time. And yet, it clearly represented the establishment… the norm. These were the ones who so feared the changes brought on by the believers in Jesus that they created a separate identity that held a powerful buzz word: freedom. How ironic. Because it was really the teachings of Jesus that promised freedom not the laws perpetuated and elaborated by the temple priests, teachers of the law, and their “synagogue of freedom.”

Today, there are similar organizations that are predominately concerned with “protecting” the people from change in their personal view of true doctrine. They are generally conservative in all areas of life both religious, social, and political. There is no room for anyone who does not conform to their views.

But Jesus had room for everyone. Jesus was confident enough in the power of the Kingdom, through the Holy Spirit, to transform lives from within. He did not look at the outer shell of a person, but the heart. He was less concerned with the actions of a person’s past and more concerned with their potential. He believed in the power of love and hope and grace.

Jesus was an idealist.

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Sharing Responsibilities

October 11, 2009 by Irmgarde Brown

Acts 6:3
Brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility [feeding the poor] over to them.

We each have unique abilities and it’s important to know what they are and how they can be used to serve the greater good. But have we narrowed our vision too much?

Some have used this story about the apostles calling for the choosing of the seven as an excuse for leaving the mundane tasks of service to others. In some churches, these are the “deacons,” whose task it is to handle the day to day needs of the church: they are the worker bees.

This mindset has created hierarchical structures and divisions. The apostles, although concerned about their own call to teach and proclaim the gospel, were also concerned about the needs of others. They knew it was their responsibility, as leaders, to ensure that the needs of all were met. This is how they came up with selecting/anointing seven additional leaders whose criteria for leadership was the same as their own: wisdom and the full presence of the Holy Spirit.

These seven were not “below” the apostles nor was their job description less important. They were filling an important role in the body. If there are people going hungry in our congregations, our neighborhoods, or even our cities and towns, then this role has been lost. And of course, we know that’s true.

If every church cared for the poor, the widows, and the orphans within its geographical reach, all of their basic needs would be met. Instead, the church is more concerned about the mortgage on the building, the color of the carpet, and the cost of benefits for the staff, etc.

Leaders in the church: make sure all of the needs of your poor are being met and if they are not, then stop what you are doing and get it done. And if the body of believers in a particular church are well off, then it should adopt a church family in the poorer area and meet the needs of their poor, their widows & orphans, together.

Idealistic? maybe. I would love to see a map where every church is pinpointed, large or small. I think, at the very least, the U.S. population would be well-covered with such an abundance that there would be enough for others around the world.

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