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Posts Tagged ‘choice’

Overwhelmed by the Wind

Posted in Christmas Through Epiphany, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2010| Leave a Comment »

When prisoner Paul was on his way to Rome by sea, he warned the ship’s pilot that a storm was coming. But on the day they started out, there was just a “gentle south wind” and all seemed well. How often do we start out in a gentle wind only to be shocked by a windy reversal?

Acts 27:14-15
Before very long, a wind of hurricane force, called the “northeaster,” swept down from the island. The ship was caught by the storm and could not head into the wind; so we [the ship that was carrying Paul to Rome] gave way to it and were driven along.

I have had wind on the mind all week. It’s been really windy in our area, so much so that we lost two huge Beech trees that broke off at the midway point in our back yard. What a mess. The wind has been almost a constant. This week I realized I don’t really like wind. I don’t like its relentlessness.

I’m not talking about a gentle breeze that cools the skin on a hot day or a even a a few gusts that come and go. I mean wind that bends the trees and jangles the heavy wind chimes outside my window.

In Paul’s story, the ship’s pilot was so sure that light wind was a good omen. And I’m certain he was well seasoned and knew the signs and ways of the sea. And yet, the storm came all the same. How many times have I set out on ventures that appeared to be smooth sailing on the surface but turned into gale force winds unexpectedly.

I have based many a decision on outward signs alone. I did not seek the unseen forces that can only be found through prayer and meditation. I’m not just talking about small decisions, but big ones like getting married, getting divorced, moving to New York, leaving New York, getting married again, starting a new job, changing jobs, and so forth. At the outset, each and every choice seemed reasonable and appropriate at the time, but I cannot say those decisions were made with much prayer. In fact, I confess the real praying didn’t start in earnest until the wind start really blowing.

What happens then? Honestly, once the big winds start, there is rarely anything can be done. In Paul’s day, they could no longer control or steer the ship and so they “gave way to it.”

I have tried battling the winds of some of my decisions. But the truth is, sometimes we just need to let go. Give the ship to God and wait for the storm to settle. Then, and only then, can we really assess what happened or why. But more importantly, only then can we ask God to show us the next step.

This is not unlike Rescue. We must ride the circumstances to some degree until some calm comes to the moment.

For a season, I tried to teach myself to enjoy roller coasters. They are basically harmless and yet their appeal is in calling forth some basic fears of falling, heights, and speed (very windy!). There was a roller coaster (one of those “mouse” types) that just about did me in as the individual cars rounded corners with the front end hanging off the edge. I pretty sure I compressed my son’s hand into a pancake. But I couldn’t stop the experience in the middle. I couldn’t get off the roller coaster. I had to ride it to the end. I survived. And then I made some new decisions. I figured out that I don’t need to go that way. I can skip that roller coaster next time.

There is one other thing that can help in a stormy, windy situation: to be grounded in a God relationship beforehand. Even if I screw up and don’t specifically prepare my soul for my next storm, I know I can trust in the God who has been carrying me through regular days up until then.

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How Did I Get Here?

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , on December 8, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 19:32b
“… Most of the people did not even know why they were there.”

How many times have I looked around and asked myself how I ended up in a particular situation? Sometimes, it’s a crowd thing, to be sure, just being caught up in the synergy of the thing and suddenly, there I am, in the midst of a mass of people who are shouting and carrying signs. I’m not shouting; I’m not carrying a sign. I’ve just realized where I am and I don’t want to be there, but how do I extricate myself?

Some of these things have happened because I didn’t stop to really think. I just went along for the ride not realizing where the ride might lead me. This is usually a type of teen behavior. I should know better.

I remember my first marriage. I was only eighteen and when I accepted that proposal of marriage, never did I realize that I would be caught up in a whirlwind that would not stop. And so, on that fateful day as I walked down the aisle, I knew I was making a mistake. But it was too late and I was not brave enough to be a “runaway bride.”

I remember going up to Toronto when the Toronto Blessing was big news and people were flying in from all over the world to experience this “new wave” of the Spirit. It was all so exciting until I found myself standing on a line with hundred and hundreds of other people waiting for someone to come along and pray for me with the expectation that I would be “slain in the spirit” and fall backward (they also provided catchers). Now, I know that being slain in the spirit can happen, it has happened to me once or twice and I went from upright to flat on the ground, with no catcher, no injuries, and thoroughly blessed. But my Toronto encounter was a conveyor belt and I wondered what I was doing there.

The list of these “where am I” experiences is long. Did someone tell me ahead of time? Did someone try to stop me? Did someone warn me? Unfortunately, I don’t remember that part. I was always too caught up in the moment, in the crowd, in the momentum.

As a parent, I am trying to be that voice of caution or “reality check” for my teenagers. They’re not listening either. Instead, they are calling me a “bubble breaker” who pricks the balloons of excitement and enthusiasm for a project.

But following a momentum without really thinking doesn’t just happen to teenagers. We are all guilty of not looking at all sides of a situation. It can be something as simple as raiding the grocery store for milk, eggs, and bread at the slightest hint that there may be a snowstorm. It can be showing up at a county council meeting to scream about taxes or budget cuts. It can be passing along an email or a blog post that is caustic or crude or downright wrong.

How do we get into these situations? We don’t take time to think… to pray… to consider the consequences of our actions. We lose courage in the face of the crowd, the group voice, the assumptions of righteousness.

Lord, give me a heart of courage this day. Give me sensitivity to your voice, your Spirit. And above all, give me mindfulness.

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Is It Safe?

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Really, aren’t there a lot of things that any one of us would do if we knew we would be safe?

Acts 18:9a
And one night the Lord said to Paul in a vision, “Have no fear… ”

Paul stayed in Corinth over a year and a half because of his vision. He held onto the promise of safety and moved forward with it. He had total confidence in God and in the words he heard spoken in the night.

I base so many of my choices on the fear/safety ratio, and not just physical harm but emotional harm as well. Will I be embarrassed? Will I fail? Will there be someone here who is smarter, stronger, quicker than me? Will I be exposed? Are there people here who look like they might hurt me? Is this place too dark… too loud… too chaotic? Is this situation similar to another situation where I was hurt before? Is there too much change? Is this happening differently than I expected? What if … what if… what if…?

Of course, there are times that everyone should be vigilant. I am not suggesting that we should walk blindly into truly dangerous circumstances or situations without wisdom and common sense. And yet, is it possible that we judge the level of danger too quickly? Is it possible we allow fear to drive us away from someone or something important?

Hundreds of times, scripture tells us not to be afraid, that God is with us. Isn’t this where confidence starts?

What is stronger…. my fear or my trust in God’s safety promise?

Lots of questions today. The key to all of the answers is our confidence in God… “If God is for us, who can be against us?” [Romans 8:31] That means all of my circumstances are in God’s hands… the ones that feel or seem dangerous as well as those that are completely benign.

It is my interpretation of people, places and things that gives them power to make me feel unsafe. If I put all things through the filter of the Holy Spirit, the picture changes. I can actually choose to feel safe.

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Grace vs Pragmatism

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 15:39a
They [Paul and Barnabas] had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company…

I think about all that Paul and Barnabas had been through and wonder how this disagreement finally tipped the scale. Maybe they were always kvetching with each other and this was one kvetch too many. Who knows? But clearly, these wunderkind apostles did fight.

It appears that Barnabas was ready to extend grace to John Mark for his disappearing act when they were all traveling together before (near Pamphylia), but Paul was not. For Paul, it was simply unwise. He didn’t think they could “count on” John Mark.

Both Paul and Barnabas were considered apostles. Both men were familiar with the Holy Spirit. Both men were prayer warriors. Both men were leaders. And yet, they could not agree.

It is no different today. There will always be disagreement between leaders … between believers. Some lean toward grace and some lean toward pragmatism. Is one right where the other is wrong? No, they are simply different roads.

John Mark went on to write the book of Mark which has been included in the canon of scripture. Barnabas disappears from the story after leaving Paul. Silas, Paul’s new companion, went on to work with Timothy. And of course, Paul continued his own journeys. Each man contributed to the story in his own way.

There is a place for both: grace and pragmatism. They are not necessarily on opposite sides of the coin.

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Do you have an appointment?

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , on November 11, 2009| 1 Comment »

Acts 13:48b
“…all who were appointed for eternal life believed.”

My husband is totally annoyed by telephone marketers. We have put ourselves on all the “don’t call” lists and yet, every once in awhile, it still seems as though a few get through. If they do call and it’s Mike that answers the phone, he yanks their chain a bit and asks them, “do you have an appointment?” It really throws them off their game. And in the end, he tells them that he does no business on the telephone unless they have an appointment. I am waiting for the industrious sales person who actually writes Mike and requests an appointment.

When we lived in Atlanta, we had a friend who was very interested in Calvinism, Armenianism and predestination. I am not a good one to explain the nuances but I do know that there are many people who hold to the idea that only those who are “predetermined” or “chosen” will accept Christ. While others, believe that anyone can be saved. Some denominations are known to follow along these lines, Presbyterians are generally Calvinistic while Methodists are Armenian.

Certainly, this scripture fragment seems to imply that only those who were appointed for that time accepted the message that Paul and Barnabas preached.

But here’s my answer to all of this… an appointment can be for today or it can be for tomorrow. Just because someone’s appointed time is not today does not mean that he/she will not have another appointment with Christ in the future. It is not for us to judge. I believe I missed some of my appointments with the Lord and surely, my life would be different today had I accepted Christ in a meaningful way as a teenager or in college.

Now, I know that the Calvinists take it the next step and say that the appointment they are talking about is the “ultimate appointment.” In other words, everyone who is chosen by God in advance will eventually find God. Since God is sovereign, no one can really resist God. We have free will but, really, God can hit the override button at any time.

So, in the end, because I agree with that one key part, that God is sovereign, I believe God can override any destiny … any destiny. There are none who need to live out their lives separated from the grace, peace and love of God.

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Running from God

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , on November 6, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 12:23
Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died.

I think God was trying to reach Herod. First, God put it upon John the Baptist to declare against Herod and ultimately, to put himself in danger by discrediting Herod. John was put in Herod’s prison for some time and yet, the implication is that Herod spent time listening to John [Mark 6:20]. Something was stirring but Herod could not grab on to it.

Herod preferred making decisions and pontificating in a group. He enjoyed the adulation but I think he was a a type of chameleon who observed the people and adjusted himself accordingly. I think he was a fearful man who did not like being alone. He was wooed by the words and opinions of others. It was his fear of the people that ultimately led to the beheading of John.

Herod even met Jesus face to face… but again, in a group setting. I think Herod was afraid of Jesus but found strength in the mockeries of others. He had an opportunity to encounter the Christ … but he chose unwisely. He sent Jesus away.

I’m sure Herod knew that the miracle of Peter’s escape from the jail, was just that, a miracle. And so he ran from Judea and went to Caesarea, his father’s creation, a city to commemorate Caesar, a pagan city with “a deep sea harbor and built storerooms, markets, wide roads, baths, temples to Rome and Augustus, and imposing public buildings. Every five years the city hosted major sports competitions, gladiator games, and theatrical productions.” [wikipedia]

Herod was more comfortable here. There were few, if any, reminders of his heritage or the constant knocking of God upon his heart.

In the end, Herod could not run anymore. Under the adoration of the people there and their proclamations that he spoke like a god and not like a man, this is what Herod really wanted: to be a god. And so the one true God finally took direct action against Herod and afflicted him with some kind of parasite and Herod died, probably in agony. He ran and ran until he could not run anymore.

I wonder what would have happened if anywhere along the way, Herod had stopped running and took hold of the altar horns, metaphorically speaking, and asked for God’s mercy. What then? But like Pharaoh of old in the time of Moses, his heart was hardened.

What is God speaking into my heart today? Have I closed off his voice? No more running Lord. Speak, your servant is listening.

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Wisdom and Opportunity

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2009| 1 Comment »

Acts 7:9b-10
But God was with him [Joseph] and rescued him from all his troubles. He gave Joseph wisdom and enabled him to gain the goodwill of Pharaoh king of Egypt; so he made him ruler over Egypt and all his palace.

They go hand in hand, wisdom and opportunity. It is opportunity that gives expression to wisdom.

I have missed so many opportunities to do or say something because of lack of wisdom. I simply did not know or recognize the moment of decision or worse, I recognized it too late.

In college, I was in a sorority and apparently, many of the sisters were active in Campus Crusade for Christ. At the same time that they started having meetings in our rec room, I started dating. I passed up several opportunities to attend one of those meetings in order to go out or hang out with my new boyfriend. Who would I be today if I had met Christ as a young adult?

In Chicago, when I was trying to get “into” the theater scene, I had my choice of small theater companies with which to align. I didn’t really think about it much nor consider my options and as a result, I chose unwisely. I missed out on working at the Steppenwolf Theatre that has since become part of the bedrock of professional theater in Chicago founded by such icons as Gary Sinise and John Malkovich.

The list goes on. We all make choices that redirect our lives. Granted, there is no way to know which road is really best. Hindsight is always easier than foresight.

But wisdom is a gift of God. And today, I have no excuse for missing a God-created opportunity. If I pursue my opportunities with prayer and meditation first, then I will be ready to choose.

O Lord, give me discernment and sensitivity to the circumstances of my life today and may wisdom be my sister-friend, whispering truth into my heart and soul.

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