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Posts Tagged ‘faith’

Loving Delusions

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2012| 2 Comments »

Matrix


How long? Maybe forever without intervention. Am I living within a mirage? Am I seeing what I want to see instead of what is there? Am I in the simulated reality of some matrix that I cannot readily perceive? Have I allowed myself to believe in a lie? A delusion? How would I know?

Psalm 4:2
How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods [lies]? Selah.

I am not the only one. Living in denial is fairly common. And why? Because stepping out of that state denial may mean facing some difficult truths. I’m pretty sure this cannot be done alone. Why would someone in denial stop living that way by choice? No, something would have to happen, some kind of wake up call.

Some common forms of denial manifest in people who are entrenched in addictive lifestyles: everything from drinking to drugs, pornography to hoarding. These habits become the norm.

My daughter was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 18 after we adopted her at almost 16. She was living in a constant state of fluctuating pain. She didn’t know that other people did not hurt when they got out of bed every morning or have aching hands, feet, knees, and back every day. She thought everyone lived with pain but she was merely less tolerant than most. How does one learn how to live without pain when that is all a person has known? Would she even recognize the absence of pain?

Some people live in a fog when it comes to relationships. As a result, they explain away physical, mental, and emotional abuse. The abuser is always sorry, after all; the abuser promises to never do that again; the abuser is a delusion.

Lord, forgive me if I have continued to love the delusion. Open my eyes. Reveal deception, my own and others. Shorten the time of my mistakes; restore to me the years that the locusts have eaten [Joel 2:25a]. Give me understanding and wisdom and courage to confront my demons, my deceptions, my false gods and idols. Selah.

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Calling into Existence

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2012| 2 Comments »

Joan of Arc as played by Renee Jeanne Falconetti, 1928

The Lectionary readings for this day, the Second Sunday of Lent, are Genesis 17:1-7, 15-16; Psalm 22:23-31; Romans 4:13-25; and, Mark 8:31-38 or Mark 9:2-9.

From these readings comes a theme of covenant, promise, and faith. From it also comes this verse in Romans 4:16b-17: He [Abraham] is the father of us all. As it is written: “I [God] have made you a father of many nations.” He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—-the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.

The God who calls into being things that were/are not. For me, this phrase is worth holding onto forever, this is a game changing verse.

But, what is even more intriguing is the crossover of events and messages that I experienced today. First, in church, our pastor started a new series on praying boldly, which means to pray the big things, the larger than life prayers. If those prayers come to fruition, there is no doubt that God is in the results. Elijah was known for these kinds of prayers. And like Abraham’s faith, it’s believing God can bring things that are not, into existence.

Secondly, I went to Voices of Light: the Passion of Joan of Arc, an oratorio with Silent Film presented by the Baltimore Symphony, the Baltimore Choral Arts Society, and four soloists. The original music was composed by Richard Einhorn who was also present at the concert and introduced afterwards. The film, from 1928, was directed by Carol Theodor Dreyer and starred French actress, Renee Jeanne Falconetti, who, incidentally, never acted in another film after this one. The film was based on the actual court record of questions that religious authorities asked Joan D’Arc and her subsequent answers. And although her story ends in her death at the stake, her short life, driven by her voices and visions from God, crowned a king (Charles VII) and turned an army in despair into hope. Her faith was so authentically depicted, I could only weep at her inner battle. We saw her fears and faith seeking dominance.

Can I walk with such faith? Can I pray boldly? Can I challenge my fears and overcome them with my faith? Can I trust in the covenant I have made with God through the Christ?

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I Promise

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2012| Leave a Comment »

What is a promise? I know what it should be. I know that it should be binding and carries with it an expectation. If I promise to do something, the person expects me to follow through. A covenant is the next step up and just below law. Our culture has never mastered covenant.

II Chronicles 15:12
They [Asa and the people of Judah] entered into a covenant to seek the LORD, the God of their ancestors, with all their heart and soul.

Covenant is harder. Despite the promises and the expectations and outward signs of agreeing to a covenant, it can be broken with no apparent ill effects. At least that’s what people seem to think. The most controversial covenant is the marriage. Couples stand before witnesses and make vows, they agree, they promise, they share ritual, and yet, divorce statistics range near 50% for first time marriages and higher for second and third marriages.

I am one of those statistics. I married for the first time at eighteen. And although I was “in love,” I also had this reasoning in the back of my mind: if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just get a divorce. It’s not a good start to a promise.

As a parent, I have tried to avoid the “I promise” phrase because I know how easy it is for things to go awry, for circumstances to change, for promises to be broken.

But today, as I traverse then Lenten time, I feel compelled to make and hold to some promises. I have committed time to God in prayer, meditation, and writing. I have promised to seek God throughout this journey. And I feel the weightiness of this agreement in a way I never have before.

When I was twelve, my mother had tried to find a new spouse by answering personal ads in the Latvian newspaper. One of those men invited us to visit him in Niagara Falls, Canada. I didn’t like this man at all and one night, when the two of them had gone out on a date and stayed out very late, I prayed fervently and made many deals with God if would break up this couple. I believe this was a girl’s version of a foxhole conversion. My mother never remarried, but I didn’t follow through either. Or did I? Was my rediscovered faith at 28, a consequence after all? Did my promise bear fruit?

Sometimes, I think it does work out that way.

The things we say, the words we speak, have power, particularly if they are heartfelt. In that other world, inhabited by spirits and angels and so forth, what happens to the promises we make?

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What Do I Want to Hear?

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2012| Leave a Comment »

How often do people say, “Did you pray about it?” or “Did you ask God first?” and although I may or may not specifically seek God’s favor or direction, can I hear truth if I have already made up my mind on what I want to hear, on what I want to do? Am I just looking for a stamp of approval?

I Kings 22:5
But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel [Ahab], “First seek the counsel of the LORD.”

When Jehoshaphat came to ask Ahab to join forces against the King of Aram [Damascus], they both knew they needed God’s go-ahead. Despite hearing his standard 400 prophets affirm the plan, Ahab (evil as he was) still wanted one more proof, a endorsement from the prophet Micaiah who served the one God. They went through the motions and Micaiah even played along and agreed with all the other prophets. But Ahab didn’t believe him and made him give the true message from God. It wasn’t a good message: both armies would be scattered and Ahab would lose his life.

Despite dressing in disguise for the battle, a random arrow shot Ahab anyway. He stood and watched the battle and the destruction of his army as blood filled his chariot before he died.

Ahab believed he could trick the prophecy by disguising himself. He actually believed in the words of Micaiah enough to do that, but not enough to halt the plan, to change his mind.

I don’t have a prophet to come to my house and tell me God’s answers to my questions. But I have written often and believe the presence of the Holy Spirit within me is my source of inspiration and prophetic expression. As a result, I am respectably good at hearing affirmation from the Spirit when I seek a sanction to proceed. But I am not no sure I recognize the stop signs, the tug of holding back, the cautions. Sometimes, I will take silence as an approval. It’s because I want that thing to happen; I want to will it to be so, to be OK.

My single focus on what I want closes my interior hearing. I am no better than Ahab in that regard.

Forgive me Lord. Help me sustain those times of confusion or “not knowing” long enough to hear truth, to recognize truth whether it be a yes or no, a now or later, a different answer than I want.

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With All My Heart

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2012| 2 Comments »

From Holy Card Heaven online Collection

The Israelites were set to enter the promised land when Moses gave one last sermon (since he was not going with them) in which he warned them of the slow falling away that would probably happen. And yet, he also promised a God way to stop the downward spiral.

Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there [Canaan] you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.

So many times, I have not recognized my own descent into old habits and ways.

How often have I successfully achieved my weight loss goal and then, slowly crept right back up again to the old weight or worse, a higher weight. I lose my tenaciousness after the goal is met. I stop paying attention. I listen to the wrong inner voice that gives me permission, “just this once” or “a little won’t hurt.”

But this same thing happens spiritually. When I experience those divine highs, it is often easy to lose sight of the way that got me there.

God is not the one who is far away. I am the one who turned aside. I lose my focus and become engaged in something along the side of the road. And soon, I am heading down a side path, picking up crumbs along the way, curious where it will lead even, but ultimately I end up in some brambles and the trail that looked so clear at first, is indiscernible.

At that point, what to do? I look up and see I am in uncharted woods. How do I seek God at that point “with all my heart?” What does that look like? When I am in chaos or depressed or caught up in a situation or relationship that is overwhelming, what is next?

That is the moment in which I must choose how to give up. But which kind? Will I give up to the moment and keep doing what I’ve been doing? Will I say, “what’s the point of trying anymore?” Will I eat the next ten pounds in resignation? Will I stay in an abusive situation? Or is there a different way to give up?

Seeking God with the whole heart and soul is a type of submission, a giving in, a giving up to a higher authority. It’s confessing my inability to fix, solve, or extricate myself from the moment.

This is the most dangerous juncture. This is the prayer point that can change everything — or not.

Each time I reach this point, the fear is almost overwhelming. If I really give this up to God, what will my life be like? Will I be the same person? What if I have to become a missionary and go to Africa or Uzbekistan or something like that? Will I have to sell everything and live with the poor in India? If I give God my heart and soul, will I turn into some right-wing Bible-thumping narrow-minded extremist?

Goofy, right? I’m just saying, that’s how my mind careens when I’m faced with true change. But, of course, it’s not like that at all. When I do pray in this letting go way, when I confess my weaknesses and my self-destructive choices, when I hand my “out-of-control” to God, slowly and methodically, the downward slide stops. Breath. And a new way is illuminated, sometimes dimly, sometimes in bright neon. But God’s promise is a faithful one.

Seeking God with my whole heart and soul is a prayer of confession and discovery. Like the prodigal son [Luke 15:11-31], my eyes are opened, and I am able to start the walk home, one foot after another. I become the small child who is learning how to walk, each step I take toward the arms of grace is a victory. And the angels rejoice.

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Lookin’ in All the Wrong Places

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2012| Leave a Comment »

There are two insights here: one, the implication here is that mediums and such have power otherwise, it wouldn’t matter and two, looking for direction from them is a type of spiritual adultery.

Leviticus 19:31
‘Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God.

I have always held a healthy respect for people who are gifted with other-worldly capabilities and communications. Of course, there are charlatans as well, but I do believe there are legitimate seers and mediums. To throw the baby out with the bathwater and say they don’t exist is foolish. There is a spirit realm and it’s not just populated with angels and cupids. There are forces outside our 3-D world and they are referenced in the Bible a great deal [See Ephesians 6:12].

The point is that we are discouraged from using these people to communicate with that world. I don’t know why, really. This is a trust issue. I think of it as the same warnings that parents give to children, to stay away from the burners of the stove. It’s a force we may not understand fully and it’s better to stay away.

I was thinking that part of the problem might be the limitations of the message. Perhaps a medium would give direction based on circumstances in that moment and the listener takes it to heart and makes decisions and plans based on that advice. We may move in this one direction based on the revelations of a spiritist, but then miss out on a more creative plan that God may have.

It’s a matter of settling in and trusting the Holy Spirit to direct our lives. That is rarely on our time schedule. And so often, we become discouraged or impatient (like Saul and the witch of Endor – see I Samuel 28) and look for the easy answers, the quick result.

Lastly, is the issue of spiritual adultery. God promises to take care of us. It’s a covenant relationship just like marriage. If we seek direction from other sources, we are showing our distrust and we are breaking our vow to remain faithful to the One God.

I’m not so rigid to believe that reading books about fantasy or fairy tales are dangerous. I think that’s going overboard. I also don’t believe lighthearted play with a ouija board or tarot cards is going to mar a person for life. The danger is in the authority we give to these people and practices. As soon as we seriously engage in them, we are, indeed, playing with fire.

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Seal of God

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The locust attack from the Abyss comes after the sounding of the 5th trumpet. The first four are equally devastating, from “hail & fire mixed with blood” to a huge blazing meteoric object as big as a mountain to comet-like star (or person?) that turns water to Wormword and a consuming darkness to follow. Not a good time to be hanging out on Earth.

Revelation 9:4
They [the locusts from the “shaft of the Abyss”] were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads.

Of course, no one really knows what any of these images or trumpet blasts really mean. It could be representative of things to come, things that have already happened, or things happening now. I do think it’s a little amusing to read the various interpretations that specifically write with great sounding authority. But really, these are just ideas and “plausible” explanations. I don’t really believe anyone today has the inside track on these symbols and images.

And yet, I am intrigued by the idea of the seal of God. This, too, has many interpretations, some believe it’s an actual mark on a person’s forehead while others claim it’s a mark of obedience to the laws and words of God in the mind. Some view it as the antithesis to the “mark of the beast” which is described in some detail in Revelation 13.

But here’s all that matters to me: the seal of God is a mark of ownership. No one (and I believe this wholeheartedly) can “earn” the seal of God. It’s a gift. It’s a grace.

I have that. Now. Whether I will suffer or not suffer in some time of trial and tribulation, I don’t know. But I know I am God’s own, a follower of the Christ, in communion with the Holy Spirit within. There is no 666, no barcode, no QR code, no tattoo, no other mark that will change the God-mark on my heart. Amen. So be it.

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