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Posts Tagged ‘fear’

There is so much power in the written word that many people have died for what they have written or what they have read. And historically many great books and writings have been lost, mostly because the words were feared.

Acts 19:19
A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly. When they calculated the value of the scrolls, the total came to fifty thousand drachmas.

Of course, in this story, the scrolls that are burned are actually writings used in sorcery. I’m not sure how they manged to place a dollar value on them… was it the cost of buying these scrolls? If so, this is a huge amount of money. A drachma is a silver coin usually assumed to have the value of a day’s wage. Relatively speaking, what would that be in today’s economy? Even at the low end of $50 per day, this is still millions of dollars. What writings have such value today?

The books in Paul’s time were destroyed because of the way they were used. Their power was in the person who “wielded” it. But we miss that point and instead, we fear the writing itself.

This is such a compelling concept that Ray Bradbury wrote Fahrenheit 451 back in 1953 and it is still considered a “must-read” by all students. Hitler too destroyed books that might challenge his authority. Communists did the same and tightly controlled what would be published.

I am a librarian and a book lover. Reading is one of my greatest pleasures and I read a wide variety of books from fantasy to contemporary fiction to religious nonfiction and reference books. When I first started working at the library I had a flashback of myself at my childhood library. I spent many many hours there since it was within walking distance of my home. I remember holding my body flat up against the books on a shelf wondering if I could absorb the words by osmosis. I wanted them all inside me.

We are now living in an age of information. Words are everywhere, particularly since the Internet has brought words and information of all kinds, both healthy and perhaps unhealthy, depending on one’s point of view. Words are even translated into hundreds of languages all over the world. Information is there for the reading. Unfortunately, it is not all true or accurate. And here is another challenge.

Some people are afraid of words. It is true that words have power but that power can be diffused or endowed by the reader. We must read with intelligence and discernment. Not every book that is labeled Christian is good. Nor is every book that is not Christian bad.

What is the value I place on the words I read? What is the value I place on the scriptures on my book shelf?

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Really, aren’t there a lot of things that any one of us would do if we knew we would be safe?

Acts 18:9a
And one night the Lord said to Paul in a vision, “Have no fear… ”

Paul stayed in Corinth over a year and a half because of his vision. He held onto the promise of safety and moved forward with it. He had total confidence in God and in the words he heard spoken in the night.

I base so many of my choices on the fear/safety ratio, and not just physical harm but emotional harm as well. Will I be embarrassed? Will I fail? Will there be someone here who is smarter, stronger, quicker than me? Will I be exposed? Are there people here who look like they might hurt me? Is this place too dark… too loud… too chaotic? Is this situation similar to another situation where I was hurt before? Is there too much change? Is this happening differently than I expected? What if … what if… what if…?

Of course, there are times that everyone should be vigilant. I am not suggesting that we should walk blindly into truly dangerous circumstances or situations without wisdom and common sense. And yet, is it possible that we judge the level of danger too quickly? Is it possible we allow fear to drive us away from someone or something important?

Hundreds of times, scripture tells us not to be afraid, that God is with us. Isn’t this where confidence starts?

What is stronger…. my fear or my trust in God’s safety promise?

Lots of questions today. The key to all of the answers is our confidence in God… “If God is for us, who can be against us?” [Romans 8:31] That means all of my circumstances are in God’s hands… the ones that feel or seem dangerous as well as those that are completely benign.

It is my interpretation of people, places and things that gives them power to make me feel unsafe. If I put all things through the filter of the Holy Spirit, the picture changes. I can actually choose to feel safe.

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Acts 16:14b
… The Lord opened her [Lydia] heart to respond to Paul’s message.

Revelation… truth… understanding… none of these can happen without an open heart and it is God who makes this happen. It’s not that we can’t open our own hearts, we can. Unfortunately, we usually don’t realize how closed off we really are. We assume our hearts are open… after all, what does a closed heart even look like?

I imagine a closed heart like a fortress, like the keep of a castle, the last line of defense… it is the stronghold. The heart can be like an entire castle for our normal activities and relationships; we open and close the drawbridge, we let people and ideas come in and out. But the stronghold is not open to just anyone. And sometimes, no one is allowed inside at all. And if we have collected assumptions, secrets, memories, untruths, misconceptions, pain, and prejudices, they are stored in there to keep them “safe.” If the storage areas are full, some of this stuff will pour out through the window slits and cracks and affect our daily lives. But generally, we manage to keep all that stuff inside. It is, after all, way too dangerous to let anyone inside, just opening the door may let too much out.

When I hit forty, my stronghold was so full that it was not just leaking out, it was spewing out periodically like a volcano. I often felt like I would explode, literally. I would sob uncontrollably. I would walk outside in some lonely place and just scream and scream until my throat was raw. My thoughts were jumbled up. I was like a lone survivor in an ocean trying to hold on to a life boat, but with no clue how to get in. I really thought I was going crazy.

I am grateful for the counselors, pastors, and friends who held me up during this difficult time of my life. The very thing I feared the most was the very thing I needed to do: open the keep… open the stronghold. Finally, I asked Jesus to do this work. I could not. When the door finally opened, it was not pretty. Eventually, equilibrium was achieved.

And after awhile, I thought the work was done. The proof was in my fresh energy and sense of renewal. It was during these healing years that we adopted our children, moved into a different house, changed jobs, I got a second master’s degree, I met new people and allowed new ideas to filter in.

But what was considered new then has become somewhat entrenched in my stronghold again. It is not as full as before. It is not as volatile. But I am aware that the door of my heart/my stronghold has been swinging shut more than I would like. And so, I ask my God this day, to keep my heart open. Give me courage to embrace people… all different kinds of people… authentically. Give me faith that you will sift ideas for me. Give me revelation knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. Give me trust that Jesus will always be my doorkeeper.

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Acts 16:3a
Paul wanted to take him [Timothy] along on the journey, so he circumcised him because of the Jews who lived in that area…

Well, this certainly took me off guard. First, all those promises of freedom for the gentiles who were coming into the faith (including release from having to get circumcised), then, that freedom was tweaked and the gentiles had to follow at least “some” of the laws and it was assumed they would attend synagogues for ongoing instruction. Now, poor Timothy, who was already well respected by the all the believers in Lystra and Iconium, is tapped by Paul to join their band of merry men and become a leader among the believers. Paul wanted to bring Timothy along on the missionary journey. But… and there it is … but!… Paul insisted that Timothy be circumcised!

And the reason? Apparently, it was known that Timothy’s father was Greek and appearances required that he be circumcised. They all agreed that Timothy’s new leadership position required stricter adherence to the laws and traditions of Judaism. He basically needed to “go under the knife” to give himself additional legitimacy.

This outward act did nothing to bring Timothy any closer to God. Its primary purpose was to ease the perceptions of others.

Do we do this with our own leadership? Do we require the outer trappings in order to feel more confident of the person’s heart?

No one does well under the microscope. There is a fabulous episode of Twilight Zone called “The Monsters are Due on Maple Street.” The entire story is built around the power of speculation and interpretation of innocent events which lead to distrust and tragedy. In the end, the aliens really have landed and they discover how easy it was to create paranoia and panic, concluding that the easiest way to conquer the Earth is to let the people of the Earth destroy themselves, one “Maple Street” at a time. We can destroy one another with our assumptions based on appearances.

This is human nature. But, as believers, shouldn’t we look beyond appearances? Let us not put heavier “expectations” on our leaders for the wrong reasons: for appearances’ sake. Let us, instead, look to the heart.

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Acts 13:50b, 52
…They [the opposition] stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region…And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes we mistake opposition for failure. After all, in this case, the opposition managed to expel both Paul and Barnabas from their city. And later, they even followed the two apostles to Lystra and stirred up that crowd so much that they stoned Paul and left him for dead. But none of these things deterred the apostles. They either “shook the dust from their feet” or waited on God to heal them and moved on.

How often do we cave to opposition in our own worlds? If I look back, I realize how many times I have given up my ideas or projects under opposition. I kept looking for a blessing, a success, as the signal that God wanted me to continue. If I wasn’t successful then I became too discouraged to continue. And so, there are plays unfinished, performances never executed, work undone, blogs left idle, ideas left hanging, people lost, children untouched, jobs never started.

Lord, forgive me for running from the opposition… the challenges of life, the struggles, the confidence in You. Give me courage to hold fast and move forward. May wisdom be my sister in all things.

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Acts 13:9-10a
Then Saul, who was also called Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, looked straight at Elymas and said, “You are a child of the devil…”

This incident happened on the initial leg of Paul’s first missionary journey in Cyprus. Apparently, it is on this journey that Saul changes his name to Paul, which historians surmise he did to be more accessible to the Greeks. And it is here that he and Barnabas encounter a sorcerer named Elymas who opposed them when they sought to speak to the proconsul that Elymas had been serving up until then.

But what is of greater interest to me is this phrase about Paul being “filled with the Holy Spirit.” As far as I can tell, this particular phrase, or ones similar to it, are only mentioned a dozen times in the New Testament. And yet, this is a phrase that many contemporary Christians (particularly Charismatics and Pentecostals) bandy about as a frequent experience marked with outward expressions like tongues, laughing, shaking, and the like. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying these expressions of the Spirit are not authentic, I’m just not sure they represent being “filled” as in filled to overflowing.

I think that true fullness would, by its very nature, pour out on others. Most of the “filled” examples in scripture are followed with a time of emptying by speaking and prophesying, literally speaking for God. Anything else is probably less than full. I just think we have diminished the impact of what it means to experience the Holy Spirit in this way.

I have used the phrase myself. But now, I think I have been merely touched by Holy Spirit. Whatever experience I had was just a breath of the Spirit compared to being filled. There is so much more. If a person is actually filled to overflowing, something happens… something changes. Power is exercised and by its very nature, it is according to the direction of God for the sake of another. Someone else is changed, not so much the person who is filled.

I am ashamed to say but I believe I have sought these “infillings” for myself and not for others at all. Oh, it sounds so pious, to seek the Holy Spirit and to go deeper into the things of God. But really, isn’t the whole point of my faith supposed to be to touch others?

So many traditional church folks are afraid of the “postmodern” movement because it is so inclusive and yet, there is one thing the emergents and postmoderns have over a lot of the other Christians… they “get” the “relationship” message. They are loving and serving others as a natural outpouring of their faith and their walk “in the way of Jesus.” They are living with and serving the poor and the unlovely. They are not trying to get more filled… they are trying to empty. They are pouring themselves out for others.

Clearly, I am still holding on too tightly to what I have. I am afraid to empty myself because I don’t really trust God to keep me filled. Forgive me.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

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Acts 12:23
Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died.

I think God was trying to reach Herod. First, God put it upon John the Baptist to declare against Herod and ultimately, to put himself in danger by discrediting Herod. John was put in Herod’s prison for some time and yet, the implication is that Herod spent time listening to John [Mark 6:20]. Something was stirring but Herod could not grab on to it.

Herod preferred making decisions and pontificating in a group. He enjoyed the adulation but I think he was a a type of chameleon who observed the people and adjusted himself accordingly. I think he was a fearful man who did not like being alone. He was wooed by the words and opinions of others. It was his fear of the people that ultimately led to the beheading of John.

Herod even met Jesus face to face… but again, in a group setting. I think Herod was afraid of Jesus but found strength in the mockeries of others. He had an opportunity to encounter the Christ … but he chose unwisely. He sent Jesus away.

I’m sure Herod knew that the miracle of Peter’s escape from the jail, was just that, a miracle. And so he ran from Judea and went to Caesarea, his father’s creation, a city to commemorate Caesar, a pagan city with “a deep sea harbor and built storerooms, markets, wide roads, baths, temples to Rome and Augustus, and imposing public buildings. Every five years the city hosted major sports competitions, gladiator games, and theatrical productions.” [wikipedia]

Herod was more comfortable here. There were few, if any, reminders of his heritage or the constant knocking of God upon his heart.

In the end, Herod could not run anymore. Under the adoration of the people there and their proclamations that he spoke like a god and not like a man, this is what Herod really wanted: to be a god. And so the one true God finally took direct action against Herod and afflicted him with some kind of parasite and Herod died, probably in agony. He ran and ran until he could not run anymore.

I wonder what would have happened if anywhere along the way, Herod had stopped running and took hold of the altar horns, metaphorically speaking, and asked for God’s mercy. What then? But like Pharaoh of old in the time of Moses, his heart was hardened.

What is God speaking into my heart today? Have I closed off his voice? No more running Lord. Speak, your servant is listening.

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