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Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Seek Peace and Pursue It

Posted in Eastertide, Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Photo by James Thobe

Peace is another word for God as is Light and Love and Jesus. I seek and I find and then I must pursue the next seeking and the next finding.

I Peter 3:11
They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. [Psalm 34:14]

Through the course of this Lenten study on seeking, I have discovered that seeking is also asking, it’s an internal process, an acknowledgment of now and a need change, it’s humbling, it’s sowing, it’s trusting in both the process and the results, it’s repentance, it’s persistence and desire (as strong as thirst in the desert), and most of all, it’s learning to recognize the One who is sought. It’s a cycle of findings.

Like any other spiritual practice, it’s a discipline and requires both mindfulness and diffidence. This is a journey for the long haul. This is a lifelong practice.

I lose the sense of process so quickly along the way. My personality is one that prefers projects (beginning, middle, and END). I want to get there. I want to see the finish line so I know I’m going the right way.

But, alas, the walk of faith is not built this way. I know it in my head and yet, I keep trying to change the rules of engagement.

In nature, every season has a new challenge, it’s either too wet or too dry, too cold or too hot. Predators abound as do victims. Disease finds root and spreads. Death appears unyielding and potent, but then new life springs up with even more vigor, like new growth after a devastating forest fire.

Hope and faith are the fuel of seeking.

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Reap Unfailing Love

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , on March 28, 2012| 4 Comments »

It’s a process, this sowing and reaping thing. Generally, this pairing is used as a metaphor for the bad things that happen in our lives, but of course, good planting makes for good results. Unfortunately, the good seeds seem to grow a lot slower than all the rest.

Hosea 10:12
Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.

I’m not really much of a gardener so I’m sure I’ll play havoc with this metaphor but there are some pictures that come to mind. For instance, the last time I tried to prepare and plant a 10×10 foot vegetable garden in my back yard.

Soil preparation was a complete nightmare. We live in one of those developments and didn’t realize how much refuse is buried on a lot before or while they are building a house. I found huge globs of cement, parts of boards, rocks, and even empty cans in that small plot of land I was trying to plow up by hand. And of course, the soil was as hard as could be. We finally had to buy top soil to dig into the original dirt which was worthless (it’s a wonder that grass could grow).

Finally, I got the dirt to look somewhat welcoming to a small starter plant or seed. And this was probably the best part of the process, the actual sowing or planting. Little did I know that the next challenges would be equally daunting: deer from the woods could easily hop over our split rail fence, our dogs and cats liked the new fresh soil for digging and leaving personal gifts, the weeds were indistinguishable from the plants (to my untrained eye), and the Maryland weather offered no assistance whatsoever.

So, after all that, what did I reap? Two broccoli heads, scrawny tomatoes, wilted lettuce, holey peppers, and three carrots of diminutive size. Go ahead and laugh. It’s a willow tree now anyway.

I’m glad the Holy Spirit is a better gardener/farmer than me. Oh, I know, I still have to participate, but I think the overall procedure is in God’s hands if I release my control, my time table, and my expectations.

Just keep doing the “right” thing, as best I can. Again and again and again. Keep trusting. Keep forgiving. Keep asking for forgiveness.

In both Mark 4:8 and 4:20 in the parable of the sower, I am promised a 30-60-100 fold return, but there is no promise about when.

Sowing in the Spirit realm is a marathon, not a sprint.

I love the idea of “unfailing love.” In this phrase is hope and promise, persistence and progress. I am actually living in the midst of unfailing love right now, no matter what my circumstances might try to negate. I have planted with Christ. Now, I must stand and give thanks because those other roads I could have taken, back there in my past, would have destroyed my garden altogether, I’m sure.

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The Poor, Promises and Praise

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I am not poor. Of course, I’m working on it, what with spiraling debt and fruitless planning. But, in the greater scheme of things and the world at large, I am quite flush and comfortable. So, who am I speak about the promises of God for the poor?

Psalm 69:30, 32
I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. . . . The poor will see and be glad — you who seek God, may your hearts live!

And yet, promises and precedents do exist.

In the time of Christ, the poor saw Him first and recognized God in Him. The poor followed. The poor believed. The poor sustained the faith. And the rich worried.

But God’s empowerment is not a change of social status. In all the acts that Jesus did for the poor, he never made anyone richer. He healed, he fed, he taught. He gave hope where no hope had been. He gave strength to the weak. He spoke to the wealth within each and every human being. He loved.

One of the essentials to surviving and perhaps overcoming one’s circumstances is trusting God’s providence in the midst of difficulty. It’s living through this day because the next day is in God’s hands and anything can happen. This is the significance of praise: it’s trust.

Back in 1970, Merlin R. Carothers wrote a book, From Prison to Praise, that is still in print today and continues to change lives. A lot of us tried his formula but it always felt a little forced to me. I felt like I had to manipulate my circumstances to find something I could praise God for in the midst of them, like having a flat tire on the freeway, but “praise God,” a policeman stopped. And so forth. I’m not saying this way of looking for the silver lining in life events doesn’t have value, it does, but today, I’m thinking differently.

Instead, as in the case of the poor whose circumstances may not be dramatically changed from day to day, it’s trusting God in the midst of the worst. God is sovereign whether I can see it, feel it, or touch it.

Perhaps it’s too hard to say, I praise God in this nightmare, then say instead, “I trust God.” They are the same.

It’s not up to me to figure out which part of this crisis can be turned for good or how God will manifest nor do I need to be a Pollyanna . Instead, it is the simplicity of “I am here, God is here, I am here with God” [Brian McLaren, Naked Spirituality: a life with God in 12 simple words].

If it is hard for me to maintain a place of trust in God, how much more for those in crisis every day?

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Afraid of Abandonment

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on March 7, 2012| Leave a Comment »

If I am afraid of being abandoned (or forsaken), I will begin looking for signs of it. Although I want that person to remain close, I will put him under the microscope and scrutinize every action and word. My fear morphs into expectation and soon, it’s just a matter of time before he is gone.

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Throughout scripture, God speaks promise and comfort particularly in the area of abandonment. God promises to remain with us, to stand behind us, to live within us [Deuteronomy 31:6; Joshua 1:5b; I Chronicles 28:20; Psalm 94:14; Hebrews 13:5]. Over and over again, one promise after another about forgoing abandonment. It’s not God’s way. So, why must these affirmations be repeated so much? Because we don’t believe it.

There are any number of reasons we expect God to abandon us. In my case, it began with my father’s death when I was nine years old. As a child I could not really understand the circumstances. I only knew or felt that he had left me. And then there was the string of boyfriends who came and went. They, too, added to the pattern, not to mention a dearth of friends when I was young.

As a believer, things got a little better and early on, I gravitated to those verses that promised the steadfastness of God. But even those declarations were chipped away over the years by deep disappointments and failures. Later, depression itself threatened my peace of mind and trust in God. A cloud of loneliness, even in the midst of family and activity, became another secret menace to my heart. And then the inner voices became the same kind of microscope I had used in relationships. “If God really loved you, would He allow you to be in this marriage? If God really loved you, wouldn’t you be able to have children? If God really loved you, wouldn’t you be more successful as an actress, director, playwright, realtor, salesman, manager?” On and on and on.

It can be a slow slog back to faith: a daily choice to believe despite circumstances; a commitment to read and contemplate the promises; a time of quiet and meditation; a courage to confront what appears with what can be.

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Basic Search or Advanced?

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , on February 29, 2012| Leave a Comment »

When God searches my heart, I believe it’s a cooperative effort. In other words, I don’t think God is lurking around my heart and soul without my acquiescence (not that God couldn’t, but doesn’t). If I practiced more mindfulness and stayed in tune with the Holy Spirit, the process would be deeper.


I Chronicles 29:9a
And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought.

I don’t believe God searches my heart like an airport full-body x-ray scan, where I am humiliated and exposed by the discoveries God might make about me. God is not looking for weapons of mass destruction or examining my heart just to find the mistakes and evil lurking there. Instead, God is teaching me about myself and about my Spirit-self. God is lighting up my interior.

Depending on my willingness to learn, God will do a basic search or a more advanced one. If I am closed off to the idea of transparency and truth, if my fears about my past and future are more powerful than my desire to know, then God’s search is less invasive. Holy Spirit, as teacher and guide, operates at my pace. I can choose to remain at a cursory level or I can open the closet doors, the cellar doors, and the attic drop down ladder.

This is a trust issue. The more I can trust God, the more likely I will go deeper into the heart of God within.

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Turning My Head to Look

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 28, 2012| 2 Comments »

Ceramic tile by Katherina Short

Imagine being in that early flush of honeymoon love and waking in the morning. The first thing I do is turn to look at my beloved. A wonder. If he has risen beforehand, I might call out the name or simply rise to seek him out. I know he is there. So it can be with God.

I Chronicles 16:10-11
Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

To seek God does not need to be a quest, it’s just turning my head to look, to really look. It’s like being at a party and for a moment, losing sight of my date. I look for that familiar head of hair or the clothes I know he wore. There he is. All is well. I don’t need to rush over and clutch at his sleeve. We are in the same room. We are together.

Sometimes seeking God is simply a reawakened awareness of God’s proximity to me.

As children grow into toddlers, the first thing they want to do is stretch the boundaries of their independence. One of two things happen, the child ventures away but keeps checking back to make sure Mom or Dad can be seen, can be reached in need. Often, the toddler will make a number of trip back and forth, out into the bigger space and back to Mom. Yep, he knows the way and he fees secure. The next foray may be further and maybe out the door. But, if the toddler goes too far, the parent senses his absence and will follow.

I want to capture this truth today. Not just now as I’m writing, I want to pull myself away from what I’m doing and intentionally look for God–in the eyes of a friend, the walk of a stranger, the wet nose of my dog, in a handshake, in a flight of birds, in the wind or warmth of the sun.

Look! Look!

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What Do I Want to Hear?

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2012| Leave a Comment »

How often do people say, “Did you pray about it?” or “Did you ask God first?” and although I may or may not specifically seek God’s favor or direction, can I hear truth if I have already made up my mind on what I want to hear, on what I want to do? Am I just looking for a stamp of approval?

I Kings 22:5
But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel [Ahab], “First seek the counsel of the LORD.”

When Jehoshaphat came to ask Ahab to join forces against the King of Aram [Damascus], they both knew they needed God’s go-ahead. Despite hearing his standard 400 prophets affirm the plan, Ahab (evil as he was) still wanted one more proof, a endorsement from the prophet Micaiah who served the one God. They went through the motions and Micaiah even played along and agreed with all the other prophets. But Ahab didn’t believe him and made him give the true message from God. It wasn’t a good message: both armies would be scattered and Ahab would lose his life.

Despite dressing in disguise for the battle, a random arrow shot Ahab anyway. He stood and watched the battle and the destruction of his army as blood filled his chariot before he died.

Ahab believed he could trick the prophecy by disguising himself. He actually believed in the words of Micaiah enough to do that, but not enough to halt the plan, to change his mind.

I don’t have a prophet to come to my house and tell me God’s answers to my questions. But I have written often and believe the presence of the Holy Spirit within me is my source of inspiration and prophetic expression. As a result, I am respectably good at hearing affirmation from the Spirit when I seek a sanction to proceed. But I am not no sure I recognize the stop signs, the tug of holding back, the cautions. Sometimes, I will take silence as an approval. It’s because I want that thing to happen; I want to will it to be so, to be OK.

My single focus on what I want closes my interior hearing. I am no better than Ahab in that regard.

Forgive me Lord. Help me sustain those times of confusion or “not knowing” long enough to hear truth, to recognize truth whether it be a yes or no, a now or later, a different answer than I want.

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