John 20:24b
But he [Thomas] said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”
Poor Thomas has become legendary by the phrase, “doubting Thomas,” used in both secular and religious circles to mark someone as “unwilling to believe.” So often, the implication is that he was a second-class disciple because he didn’t believe at the first. And to make matters worse, Christ himself admonished Thomas by saying, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” [verse 29]
But I think we are being a little unfair. After all, the rest of the disciples DID get to see Jesus appear that first time in the locked room. We don’t know if they would have done any better than Thomas, had any of them missed that gathering. Direct experience is powerful. And it is for this reason that many people over the years have become believers: a direct experience with God in Christ.
Everyone else is initially dependent on the testimony of others. Is our story compelling? Is it complete? Is it loving? Is it inclusive? Is there room for doubt?
I think there is a healthy place for doubt. In some cases, it’s better to face the truth of our fears, our concerns, our uncertainties and engage them. To camouflage doubt is much more serious and weakens faith even more when the tough times come along. There must always be room for questions and those who don’t doubt must embrace lovingly those who do.
Christ returned to the locked room specifically to meet Thomas there, to meet his doubt. The transformation of Thomas in that moment is worth noting: he went from doubt to total belief and faith. I am convinced that Thomas was never shaken again by doubt. When doubt is authentically washed away by the revelation of truth, it sticks.
But we should not fear doubt, instead, lay it at the foot of God who will address it. Sometimes the road from doubt to faith is a slow journey. For instance, if we have doubt in ourselves, it often takes a series of positive experiences to reveal our ability to do or succeed at something. And the building of our faith in God may be the same way. Each person is different. Some achieve faith in the blink of an eye and some along a path that is only illumined one stone at a time.
My own doubt in God’s love for me has traveled in waves over the years. Naturally, it tends to rear its head when circumstances are most difficult: when my marriage was in crisis, when I couldn’t bear children, when our finances were stripped bear, when our parents died, and so on. But each time, I can say, Christ appeared in the locked room of my heart. His presence replaced doubt with hope and I was made new again.
I am on the slow path, I guess. And although I am not Thomas, I am stronger for each doubt challenge along the way.
Meditations from Zion 