Meditations from Zion

Am I finally getting it? Every promise of God is possible because of grace. If my inheritance depended on my ability to obey the law, all would be lost. There is no sinless life and I am no different.

Romans 4:16a
Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham’s offspring . . .

Why does it all feel so difficult then? Why can’t I enjoy the full freedom that grace affords? Certainly I’m doing better in this aspect, but I still battle with the traditional culture of “shoulds” and “should haves” and “shouldn’t haves.” You know, you “shouldn’t” read that kind of book, you “should have” gone to church today, you “shouldn’t have” wine with dinner. But the court room cannot be in my own head or my perceptions of what “others” think. There is only one Judge that matters.

My historic difficulties have been wrapped around trying too hard: trying to be a “concept” Christian. I have tried to live the “idea” of being a Christian by doing “this” but not “that,” by embracing the unspoken rules of Christian behavior, by wearing a “believer’s” mask.

My focus this year must be on confession. Freedom and grace come through acts of confession. Authenticity of the heart begins with a transparent relationship with God. I long for true fellowship with other people of faith (koinonia), but I cannot expect to achieve this if I shutter myself from God, much less my family, friends, acquaintances, and fellow believers.

True obedience to the “law” comes from the heart and the heart is only prepared to obey when it is clear and whole. This holiness (wholeness) comes forth through the gate of confession.

Can I extend my understanding of grace to other people? Can I shed my tendency to judge others by pouring out the same oil of grace upon them that God is pouring out on me? Do I have the courage to invite them to remove their masks with the promise that I will not turn away? And what about the people who have grown tired of wearing a mask, who no longer have the energy to put one on anymore, who appear to be content in their darkness, can I be the light of grace for them?