Meditations from Zion

It comes up a lot: grace. It is one of the greatest mysteries of the Christian faith and the least likely to be immediately understood. Grace is a power. Grace is a state of being. Grace is personal and specific. Grace is a gift. And Grace . . . is a change agent.

I Corinthians 15:9-10a
For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect . . .

As a believer, I can look back and say that grace has changed me during these years of following after Christ. That would only make sense since it’s all about God’s grace.

But, what about the time before? Can I understand that the really hard times before I accepted Christ were also about grace? Can I understand that losing my father at age nine included grace? Can I accept a bi-polar mother, poverty, loneliness, and a failed first marriage still had the mark of grace?

That is certainly the message of Paul, the great persecutor of the early Christians, a “pharisee of pharisees” [Acts 23:6], he thought he knew it all. He was an insider. And from his perspective, the followers of Jesus were desecrating the law, blaspheming against God, and disrupting a tenuously achieved “order.” He took it as a personal mission to destroy or incarcerate all followers of Christ. He was a righteous champion for God.

In many ways, after his conversion, he was still the same man: a man of passion and conviction. He was relentless before and after meeting Christ on the road to Damascus.

But all the while . . . he was under the banner of grace. And although he would carry the guilt and shame for those years of persecution and would have to face the friends and relatives of those he had killed, he also recognized the call that was there throughout his journey.

I feel the same way really. In the Methodist church, they call it “prevenient grace,” that time when God was putting together all the pieces, manifesting in ways unknown, unrecognizable, and yet, still present. For all of the tough times in my life, I have to admit I was graced with many strengths as well.

I am more like a little terrier dog that will not let go. I have persistence and I have energy. I have hope and I have resilience. These are also gifts of grace that I needed as I slogged through those early years without understanding and with a veil still covering the eyes of my heart.

None of us can assume where someone else is on this journey. God forgive my judgment of others. Help me recognize the hand of grace on them, just like it was on me.