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Praying the Psalms

August 4, 2013 by Irmgarde Brown

I have been contemplating today how I will continue my path. I have just completed creating a six-week study of the Book of Ephesians in Bible lesson/question format; and as a result, I knew I wanted to spend some time in prayer and perhaps study prayer along the way, but how? I prefer grounding any of my efforts in scripture, no matter how far afield I may go along the way. The most logical place to start appeared to be the Psalms.

I didn’t want to simply start at Psalm 1 and plow through them one by one; instead I wanted the selections to more closely reflect my state of being that day or week. As a result, I have discovered a number of web sites that lay out the psalms by the church calendar (Book of Common Prayer Psalter), by topics, and by summary statements. I will begin with these, looking for revelation and, hopefully, an inner journey that will manifest in a more joyful, peaceful, and moderated outer life.

It is the Spirit I am pursuing in prayer. It is the Presence. It is an intimacy I believe is attainable; a listening place where direction is palpable and rooted in the holiness of God in Christ’s Spirit.

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Study is Not Devotion

July 22, 2013 by Irmgarde Brown

prioritiesThis summer, I have moved most of my writing energy to a new online project called Bible Study Together. It started as a request from my pastor to experiment with creating a Bible Study through a Facebook group. That venue proved problematic because of the way the posts bounce around when a person comments on a particular post. As a result, I moved everything to the blog which has proved far more successful.

The process is quite different from devotional work and although the learning and appreciation I have for the book of Ephesians has grown immeasurably, I would not say it has enhanced my quiet time.

How do people balance all of the possibilities? I never seem able to get the percentages right. I enjoy new experiences but they come at a cost. My home environment has reached “chaos” standing, particularly the office. With the kids all in “adulthood” but still living at home, there is a scatteredness to our schedules that makes dinners or “family” time an anomaly. Church time now has additional responsibilities and it is rare to find time for reflection. Besides, our services aren’t even structured for that. I knew that going in.

I remember going on a personal retreat to a convent. It was a wonderful experience in the end, but it took a full day and a half before I really managed to settle into a routine of true contemplation and prayer. The first hours I slept heavily or made lists of all the things I needed to do when I got back. My mind whirred.

So, here I am, making myself another promise: two more weeks of the study and I’ll get back to my first love. But who knows, really, what the next two weeks will hold?

 

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Waiting in Christ

June 19, 2013 by Irmgarde Brown

waitingI usually berate myself when time and circumstances change my patterns. I think, “Oh no, I’ve dropped out of grace again and I’m sliding down the slippery slope of inattention to the things of God.” But am I?

You, however, should stand firm in the love of God, constructing a life within the holy faith, praying the Spirit’s prayer, as you wait eagerly for the mercy of our Lord Jesus the Anointed, which leads to eternal life. [Jude 1:20-21, Voice translation]

Always dreaming of a future life, I imagined so many things: the perfect family, the perfect job, fame, fortune, respect, and a certain level of material possessions (growing with each year, of course). I would be a deep thinker and a luminous communicator. I would be Job before the tragedies took everything away from him (see Job 29:13-25). But unlike Job, I wasn’t looking back on such a life, I looked forward, still hoping it would come, some breakthrough, some coming together of the stars, some magic.

I am reminded of my mother, who at 90, sorrowed and complained often, “What should I do with the rest of my life?” In some ways, it’s charming, this idea that anything could still happen. But I knew the truth of it, it was more about a certain disappointment in what was, what had been. The life she had lived was not the life she had dreamed.

Each life has a rhythm. We can live in that rhythm or go counterpoint to it. Each life has seasons. The seasons may be challenging or boring. They may be mundane or full of excitement. But I see clearly today, the time must be embraced for what it is and not for what it could be.

As a believer in the Christ Spirit within, this “being-ness” is even more critical because it is Spirit that sets the beat.

I am always looking for life to happen faster: either I’m trying to get through the tough spots quicker or leap over the boring spots. But if I can be centered in the unity of soul, in the marriage of my spirit with Christ, then, each moment counts again.

In Christ, that is the key. And anything else is kicking against the “goads” [Acts 26:14].

Waiting in Christ (in Spirit) is different than any other kind of waiting. It is not filled with expectations. It is not building pictures of the next moment or next year. It is rest and trust and confidence. It is “yes.”

So, what prevents me from becoming a slug, a beached whale? Waiting in Christ includes action, but God-breathed. In the Spirit place of waiting, God’s voice is clear and the next step certain.

Like the many paradoxes of faith, this is one more: waiting in Christ is the most active choice of all. It is the womb of miracles.

 

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God With Me

June 2, 2013 by Irmgarde Brown

mustard-seedAnd that ‘s all I know right now. God is with me despite my inner chaos, despite my sense of loss, despite my confusion. God is with me even in the darkest night, the shallowest hope, the greatest disappointments. God is still here.

Have started a brief 30 day reading plan on behalf of my church, to encourage others to read. Funny, in the very midst of this, I am feeling very hollow. My muse is on vacation. My Spirit is quiet and I am deaf. And so, all I have is my mind to remind me, intellectually, God is here. (Matthew 1:22-23)

Yesterday, a friend posted on Facebook that he was feeling depressed. I told him to take a breath and go somewhere beautiful. I think I need to take my own advice. This morning, I woke early with only a few hours sleep. My dreams were vivid and then I was subsequently crestfallen to emerge into this reality.

And so, I see: I need my own rebirth, a baby Jesus to be born and start again, a babe of an idea: a mustard seed to renew my soul.

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Today

May 26, 2013 by Irmgarde Brown

todayHave been asking God for some small revelation, some little nugget to feed my soul, but the days are crowded and cramped and my spirit self has been relegated to the back porch. It’s not a good thing. But I still have today.

Look at the grass growing over there. One day it’s thriving in the fields. The next day it’s being used as fuel. If God takes such good care of such transient things, how much more you can depend on God to care for you, weak in faith as you are. [Luke 12:28; The Voice translation]

It’s like a diet sometimes. I mess up and my tendency is to think, “I just blew it; might as well throw this entire day out and eat whatever!” It’s like I condemn myself and give permission to myself all in one fell swoop. Whose voice is that?

And yet, this day, I heard for the first time, begin again right now. Just take a breath and turn around. There is plenty of time; there is plenty of grace for this day yet.

I have been starving my soul. I have been shutting out the Holy Spirit from my daily decisions and directions. It’s like my inner self has been holding her breath.

It’s a good moment to begin again. It’s now. It’s today. Anything is possible.

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Bondage in Me

May 15, 2013 by Irmgarde Brown

surrenderIt’s an unpleasant word: bondage. It brings up all kinds of lascivious images of chains and whips and leather. It’s the new interpretation of the word; it’s the culture in which we live. But in this case, it’s about slavery and compulsion and captivity. It is the antithesis to freedom.

During the time before you knew God, you were slaves to powers that are not gods at all. But now, when you are just beginning to know the one True God—actually, He is showing how completely He knows you—how can you turn back to weak and worthless idols made by men, icons of these spiritual powers? Haven’t you endured enough bondage to these breathless idols? [Galatians 4:8-9; The Voice translation]

And the phrase that I keep hearing is “haven’t you endured enough bondage . . . ” How much more do I need to experience before I finally set free from my old self, my old habits, my old way?

I have read that a body, once overweight, believes that higher weight is the norm. As a result, despite conscientious diet and exercise, the body will continue to betray and crave. It wants the old me back again: indulgent and insatiable.

Haven’t you endured enough? Haven’t I endured enough? I have.

I want everything that God has for me.

When I was just a baby believer, trying to figure out what it even meant to follow Christ and how it would change me . . . or, did I even want to change? No, not back then. Truthfully? I wanted everything to stay the same, just add in the Jesus bit. I thought I could treat Jesus like a spice, just sprinkle it on top. That is not how it works. Not really. And especially not if I say the words and surrender.

And I did. I waved the white flag back then and again and again and again. Each time, each year, a new surrender, a new discovery.

That’s been the journey; two steps forward, one step back. But I feel as though I am coming to a new place, a fork in my road, a new terrain. It’s like the last push before reaching the top of the mountain.

Ready.

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Christ Living in Me

May 13, 2013 by Irmgarde Brown

sunday-school-jesusWhat does that really look like? Sometimes, my imagination carries me away and I think of my body as some kind of hollow, yet intricate cave where the Jesus of Sunday School paintings sits around and chats up all my body parts and memories. Absurd, I know. Or, how about one of those alien movies where the creature pops out of the chest or stomach? Yuk.

“Now I have found the freedom to truly live for God. I have been crucified with the Anointed One—I am no longer alive—but the Anointed is living in me; and whatever life I have left in this failing body I live by the faithfulness of God’s Son, the One who loves me and gave His body on the cross for me. I can’t dismiss God’s grace, and I won’t.” [Galatians 2:19b-21a, The Voice translation]

The scriptures about Christ’s Spirit, that also being called the Holy Spirit or Spirit, is the stuff of non-traditional thinking. The Christian experience, the believer’s life, with the Presence of God within, is supernatural. It is just as “woo-woo” as any other Eastern beliefs or “new agey” talk. The walk with Christ is the stuff of transformation. Because it is full of paradox, it requires faith . . . of things not seen or even understood. Miracles are things that happen outside of the natural order. That’s the point.

Jesus withinThe difference is the affiliation. Do you engage with the other powers or do you engage with the power of the One God, manifest through the Christ and offered to the faithful . . . freely. The sacrifice is in letting go of “self.” But the “other powers” want the same thing. Who do you trust with your soul?

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” [Ephesians 6:12, NIV] And when you see “heavenly realms,” think spiritual realms, the world within.

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