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Posts Tagged ‘authenticity’

Testing My Heart

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2011| 2 Comments »

Photo by Charles C. Ebbets, 1932

Are there people out there who actually like taking tests? Not me. Conceptually, I understand the reason for them, they inform me and reveal to me what I know. But I have contorted this process into a performance: good score, good girl and vice versa, or worse, pass/fail. That’s not how it works.

I Thessalonians 2:3-4
For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. On the contrary, . . . We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.

It’s unlikely that God’s intent is to grade Paul on his experiences in Thessalonica in the process testing his heart. Bible translations slightly differ on how they interpret the Greek word, dokimazo. The long definition would be “I put to the test, prove, examine; I distinguish by testing, approve after testing; I am fit.” So, in this context, heart testing is a way to reveal what is really there. It’s an authenticity gauge.

Unfortunately, but most of us don’t really know or understand our hearts. Generally, we get a vague idea based on our behaviors, our decisions, and subsequent fall-out. Sometimes, we create a scenario to see inside. I remember how that turned out a long time ago when Mike and I went to a marriage retreat and were instructed to discuss with each other what we would do if either one of us was trapped on a very high beam that was stretched between two skyscrapers. Would we, despite our fear, go out to the middle of the beam to save the other one. This exercise, I suppose, was to show our sacrificial love for one another. Of course, Mike said he wouldn’t come out. “What ifs” are dangerous games.

Bottom line, heart testing has to be the real thing. It’s the only way to exercise an authentic response to a situation. This is where courage and fear wrestle, where practice becomes second nature, where our progress can be reflected, straight out.

When Captain (pilot) Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger successfully “ditched” U.S. Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River with no loss of life, he was sorely tested. And yet, he responded with all the practice and all the experience he had. He assessed his situation, he evaluated all the choices, and he acted.

I must be willing to do the same. I cannot know in advance how I will react in a situation. I can only work on responses and the health of my inner life and relationship with the Christ Spirit within me. I may need to be more conscious now in my choices as a way of building up my heart’s understanding so that I can respond instinctively to the next situation.

Another word for this sanctification.

Test me, O LORD, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind;
for your love is ever before me,
and I walk continually in your truth. [Psalm 26:2-3]

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Grace & Salt Conversations

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Salt is a seasoning that makes things taste better through its chemical interactions with the food. And yet, in this age of health anxiety, we have started to withhold salt from our diet even though exercise could be just as effective. Have we removed salt from conversations too?

Colossians 4:6
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

When was the last time I sat around with some people and just talked? I mean talked about ideas and possibilities, spirituality or sorrow, hope or despair. When has the conversation started heading one way and my comments moved it another, giving it a new flavor, a new point of view . . . with grace.

Now, I don’t mean those times when proselytizing starts or the 4 Spiritual Laws pamphlets come out of the handbag or a litany of “Praise the Lords” drop in after every remark like a Greek chorus or HipHop melody.

I’m interested in knowing if the truth of me, Spirit-filled and intertwined with the Christ within, has acted as a true flavoring, bringing out the best in others while giving grace and acceptance to any hardened hearts around me.

So much is out there that teaches us how to control a conversation, close the deal, get to “yes,” influence, convince or convert people, win friends, or filibuster until people can’t stand it anymore.

When my daughter, new to this country at 15, went to high school with little or no English, she bemoaned how hard it was to make friends. We chalked it up to ESL (English as a Second Language) and assumed things would get better as her language skills improved. And to some degree that was true and yet, it never became easy for her. Truthfully, I am amazed teenagers have any friends at all considering that most of their conversations tend to be about themselves and rarely about the other, unless they are drilling down into the behavior, looks, attitude or boyfriend of a mutual “other” (i.e. gossiping).

I shared with her a handy book I found called How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor. I encouraged her to try the author’s technique but she found it unmanageable. And why? Because the essence of his technique was to ask lots of questions about the other person and listen to the answers. It’s letting go of feeling it necessary to reciprocate data for data, fact for fact, personal story for personal story. This is the grace part of conversation.

Perhaps it’s time for me to reread this book myself. Or maybe, like here, scripture has been saying it all along: Grace and salt, kindness and joy, love and humor, forgiveness and knowledge, patience and wisdom.

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To Know Christ

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2010| Leave a Comment »

To know . . . to know . . . to know. What does it mean to know Christ? What does it mean to know the power of his resurrection? And what does it mean to know the fellowship of his sufferings? I mean, really!

Philippians 3:10a
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings . . .

To understand with certainty, that’s one definition. Or, to establish or fix something in the mind (like memorization). Or, to be acquainted with (like a friend). Or, to understand with experience (like baking a cake). And finally, to be able to distinguish one thing from another (like right from wrong).

In some ways, each one of these definitions can be applied to this verse. Like Paul, I want to “know” Christ with certainty. I don’t want a casual acquaintance but a deep knowing that comes from exposure. I want the sunburn of Christ (no sunscreen) inside and out. With that kind of knowing, there is trust, contentment, patience, confidence, and security. To the degree that I don’t have those attributes is the degree to which I don’t really know the Christ. Perhaps “to know” really means “to love” (which is how the more archaic definition for knowing meant a sexual union). There is nothing more beautiful than transparent sex, the give and take of pleasure, the concern for other. Too bad. most sexual unions miss the sacred part.

And how about knowing the “power of his resurrection?” That’s formidable. Can anyone imagine being acquainted with this type of knowledge or certainty? That is supposed to be the case for every Christian, but we don’t walk our lives with that kind of confidence. I know I don’t: I still fear illnesses and teens driving home late at night and violence. Besides, isn’t Paul actually asking for the knowledge of this power to operate in the present and not just for raising his own body. Undoubtedly, this kind of power heals the sick, makes the blind see, the deaf to hear, and the lame to walk. Same power, I’m sure of it.

And lastly, to know and share in the afflictions that Christ suffered: not just physical but emotional, mindful, and spiritual. Can I bear the pain? Can I accept it? Or do I still run away from pain. Sweet paradox again.

I’m thinking they all go together. I cannot “know” one aspect without the other. I cannot be acquainted with healing power without knowledge of pain and hardship. My certainty is strengthened by the operation of all three in my life.

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Fear and Trembling

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 8, 2010| Leave a Comment »

“Fear and trembling” is closer to “awe & trembling.” But when does this happen? Supposedly, when God is present within. Just think: in former times, mere angels brought humans to their knees; while we have gotten more and more nonchalant about the Holy Spirit.

Philippians 2:12b-13
. . . continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

For awe and trembling to happen, we got to keep the veil off, the walls down, and the blinders open. It’s the opposite of a hardened heart [Mark 8:17]: it’s about wisdom, knowledge and understanding. And love.

The only times I can discern authentic “fear and trembling” are the times I encounter true God within. I may be overcome but these are the opportunities I have to respond to the Spirit’s leading, to enter the will of God and to act according to the Spirit’s direction in order to experience the results.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen very often, in fact, infrequent. Theoretically, I want to seek the truth of it, this fear and trembling. And yet, my every day world does not lend itself to phantasms and inner miracles. I am so rooted in my three-dimensional world.

It all goes back to a misbelief: what I see with my eyes, hear with my ears, smell with my nose, touch with my hand, or taste with my mouth, is more substantial than the spirit realm, that spacious inner world like the interior of Perkins’s tent in the Harry Potter stories.

This is the secret place really, isn’t it?

It is so rare to find something or someone that instills an awe response. Instead, there are situations that make us afraid like natural disasters (tornadoes, hurricanes, volcanoes, floods, etc.) and we fear evil actions of people-types like terrorists or gang members or sociopaths. But the age of kings is over. Perhaps, for some people, the Pope continues to inspire, but this awe is predictably denomination-based. In order to meet the Queen of England, one must abide by a series of formalities and social codes, but it’s not like we are doing them out of awe, it’s just protocol. In some ways, movie stars and sports figures seem to garner the highest honors. I remember well those Beatles concerts: the screaming, the mania, the insanity, and yes, the awe. What does that say about our culture?

And yet, it’s pretty darn hard to come up with a little awe for God. Some say that nature, like mountains and oceans and forests, can strike an awe point. But only for so long, and then we go back to our cubbies, our back yards, and our TV sets.

Everyone is pleased as punch that we can show up for church now in jeans and t-shirts. Casual is in. Jesus is our friend, our brother, our pal. Oh yes, we love to sing the worship songs, in between sips of coffee and layered gum.

There is a warning here then, not so dissimilar to “Be Alert!” in Ephesians. If we are not experiencing “awe and trembling” by the interior presence of God’s Spirit, then who is in there?

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P.R. Paul

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2010| Leave a Comment »

I need to lighten up about the various gospel message venues that are outside my sense of propriety or taste. If St. Paul is not concerned about motive, then shouldn’t I have more confidence in the ultimate message? God doesn’t need me as a defense attorney.

Philippians 1:18
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

I confess, I struggle with the propriety of those who promote Christ in conjunction with goofy sounding miracles like “gold dust” or body spasms or hysterical laughing. And yet, who am I to say this isn’t God too?
Maybe every miracle appears insubstantial or faked to one person or another.

But the point is that God can bring down the liars without my help. God chooses when to weed the garden, not me.

In my own church, there are people who are moved to tears and confession by the waving of flags, a procession of women in white dresses carrying gold crowns, or children carrying an array of palm branches or country flags. These symbols do not touch me but that doesn’t mean they don’t have value or power.

The conduct of worship or the method of preaching or the way of the witness will be and must be unique to the individuals who do it. The only true mistake is when others try to overlay these ideas on everyone as the best way, the only way, or the surefire way to bring people into the faith.

There is really only one surefire way: authenticity and love.

Paul was confident in his own faith and knew without a doubt that he was in the right place at the right time. God was with him and God was using him. Everything else was a by-product.

I can only know my own God arena. And all the rest is about grace.

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Pray for Me in this Way

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Prayers are scattered throughout Paul’s writings and many are often repeated as blessings, but never has a prayer touched me as deeply as this one did today. With three elements, my way can be transformed: love, knowledge, and insight.

Philippians 1:9
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, . . .

If I can approach my days with love, literally reach out to others with an authentic heart, those actions become a framework within which knowledge and discernment can grow and become strong. I cannot expect to have knowledge of the human soul without love. That kind of understanding comes through relationship. To know someone is to encounter the sacred core.

Every day presents me with choices. I make these decisions based on my understanding of the person or the circumstances. There are good choices and there are the “best” choices. Paul contends here that love, knowledge and depth of insight are essential to discerning the very best path.

Today, we begin the Advent season when we enter a time of anticipation, a “divine interruption” of our regular lives. It’s a time of beginnings. What better way to begin that to set the heart toward abounding love.

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How the Armor Works

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2010| 1 Comment »

The full armor of God is a metaphor. And we must remember it’s for standing (like a palm tree), not advancing into battle. And, in my mind, it works from the inside out. And for the armor to work 100%, it requires me to embrace the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 6:14-17
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

The first three aspects of the armor are truth, righteousness and peace.

Like a belt, truth holds the whole thing together. This means my speaking and thinking truth as well as adopting God’s truth. When truth is bent, then the protection has chinks.

The breastplate (not commonly worn in modern times) protects the heart, one of the most vulnerable parts of the body. And how do we protect this heart? With right actions with fairness, honor, justness, and devotion to the One who embodies these traits. This typifies the sowing and reaping principle: we receive back what we give out. And the converse if true. I cannot expect my heart to be protected if I am grieving the Holy Spirit.

The third essential is “gospel of peace.” Why isn’t it just peace? Because it’s the message of peace itself that has the power. It is foundational (like feet) and carries great weight. Peace is an outgrowth (the promise) out of the mysterious work of the Christ. When I walk in peace, I bring peace with me.

The last three pieces of the armor are faith, salvation and the word of God.

Faith is called a shield for good reason, it is literally held up to withstand direct attacks. What’s interesting to me is the use of the verb “extinguish.” This means that faith can actually neutralize or put out fires. This, next to right living & behaviors, is my strongest defense.

Salvation is the description of a state of being. This state comes from my acceptance of Christ as the “head” of my life, the captain, the tactical center. Thus, the helmet is an apt description. Salvation is not about my “doing” anything. I am not to be about head-butting. It’s security.

And lastly, the sword which has been interpreted as the Bible itself and as a result, people have used this understanding as a case for aggressively cutting others with it. People memorize verses and apply them to as many situations as they can, ostensibly to cut through the circumstances. But, I think it can interpreted as the word within that comes directly from the presence of the Holy Spirit. The sword works together with the shield. The sword does not have to be an offensive weapon, it can block and extinguish as well. The word of God is knowledge and wisdom and truth. The circle is complete.

Remember: the goal here is to stand!

So, here I am Lord. Forgive me for lashing out with the sword before the rest of my armor is in place. May standing in truth, righteousness, and peace be my first priority today.

(FD 16)

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