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Posts Tagged ‘authenticity’

…if he [Saul] found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem.

Saul started out as a great persecutor of the followers of Jesus. He considered them a threat to the traditions and laws of Israel. They were undermining the faith. How were they doing this? How would he recognize these disciples?

Back then, what did a Christian follower look like? How did a Christian follower behave? How would Saul have identified those followers in his time?

The question is no different today. Am I on the Way? For years, it’s been a pop question: “Is there enough evidence to convict you as a Christian?” I think there’s even a song that asks the question. Funny, after 2000 years, we’re still asking who’s on the way.

Certainly, it would not have been an Ichthus symbol on a bumper or Christian music blaring from a car radio or a creche in the front yard. It would not have been a well-worn bible or marching on Washington for some worthy cause or wearing a cross or crucifix.

By the time Saul was on his rampage, the believers had gone underground. They were meeting together in secret. This was one of the foremost clues: they met together often. They chose to be together because of what they had in common. They broke bread together and everyone shared in what was available. None went hungry.

What else did they do when they met together? They shared stories about Jesus. They sang. They worshiped. They waited. They prayed. They encouraged one another. It was a simple life.

Were people healed? Were there miracles? We don’t really know. But the implication is that those on the way, that is living as Jesus lived, were doing the same things He did.

In the end, Saul probably found out about followers because of a snitch. He was told where they would be meeting together. They would be collected and arrested as a group, not so much as individuals.

To be on the way is to be together with others on the same path. I have struggled with this concept my entire Christian life. Going to “church” on Sunday morning isn’t the same thing. That has become a “passive” experience. There is no sense of journey at all. It’s the small group, the cell, that can operate with true mutuality. It’s the place where we can be authentic, transparent, and united on the way. It’s where we can struggle together over the questions of faith, trust, and disappointment.

If I am not in fellowship with a group on the Way, then, no, there is very little evidence that I am a follower of Christ. An isolated follower will elude detection for a long, long time. And so I have done.

God forgive me.

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Acts 9:22
“…Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart.” [Peter to Simon, the Sorcerer]

What is going on in the deepest places? I usually think of thoughts as emanating from the mind, but here is a phrase that sends me to an underground level: the thoughts of my heart.

These are the truly secret places, the closed places that are only exposed in times of trial or transparency. These are places that I have kept away from others. These are thoughts I might be ashamed to expose.

Psalm 44:21 says God knows the secrets of the heart. So, why do I bother trying to hide?

Keep me authentic today, Lord. Keep my heart open and let me not fear the opinions of others.

I know there have been times when I have tried to allow my secret self to show, but I am a fairly keen observer of people and when I see someone’s body language recoil from my small truths, I wrap my heart back up again. It takes courage to leave the heart open. It takes courage to reveal the thoughts of the heart.

I think the first revealing must start in private time with God. Unveil there since God already knows, after all. It’s safe. It’s a practice test. It’s a place of healing; here the thoughts can be tenderly trimmed like a small Bonzai; here will be some pain, but the end is far more beautiful. With that exposure can come my own acceptance of who I am… what I really think… what I believe. And then, only then, the courage will come to show my “self” to you and you and you.

What do you see or hear from the thoughts of my heart?

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Acts 7:51
You stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit!

It’s such a temptation to use a public forum like this to pontificate about the condition of the church or the condition of all the “others” who are not in God’s will or plan. But today I realize again how important it is for me to show my own heart. Oh sorrow, it is buried again beneath the layers of self-deception.

The heart is tricky because it regrows layers even after it’s been circumcised. These regrown layers may start out very thin and almost indiscernible at first, but eventually, layer upon layer forms and the heart is back to where it was before the Holy Spirit touched it. As the layers accumulate, the hardness begins to set in and although the mind and body can go through the motions of worship and service, the heart is no longer involved.

Some of the symptoms: a cavalier attitude toward corporate worship, missing times with God, a quick temper, a judgmental cattiness, overwhelming tiredness, forgetfulness, looking for change for the sake of change, putting others under the microscope, dropping responsibilities, indulging the body, resisting the Holy Spirit, just to name a few.

I don’t think I’m at the totally hardened stage yet … obviously, or I wouldn’t be writing today.

Psalm 51:17 says, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” It’s really quite simple, acknowledge what is happening and be chastened by the truth of it. It goes right along with repent. It goes right along with choice.

God does not come in with a sledge hammer or a fancy butcher knife to do heart work. Instead, like a child who runs to a parent and shows the injury, God brings comfort and then gently removes the harmful effects. God cleans the layers of dirt and grime and if necessary, the scab that his holding in infection. God uses truth with love.

I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like placing myself in places where I might get hurt. I hide my fears with layers of humor and bravado and chameleon-esque behaviors. In this way, I can keep people out of the tender places, I can control the connections. I know how to hide.

Oh, “refiner’s fire,” come and burn away the dross. Give me courage to be transparent and authentic. Give me courage to accept my tender places.

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Acts 4:13
When they [Sanhedrin] saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

There are many types of courage and there are many ways to gain courage. Just because one has courage does not mean one does not have fear or uncertainties. Courage is moving through uncertainty, moving on despite the fear. Courage is believing that something else is more important than self-preservation.

Courage comes easier with practice. This is one reason group wilderness experiences, ropes courses, and other challenge building exercises have become so popular. They build an individual’s tolerance for fear and a history of success in the face of fear.

Of course, what requires courage for one person is not the same for another. I enjoy speaking in front of a group unlike many of my friends and colleagues. I can probably say that much of that “courage” comes from my theater background. But, there is also a confidence that comes with a group setting because I rarely have a sense of disapproval from a group. However, put me in a one on one situation where I can read a person’s body language, their expressions, and can observe their dismay or disagreement, I freeze up. It takes great courage for me to say something to an individual that I suspect will cause disagreement or anger or disappointment.

Basically, I want people to like me. Don’t we all? And so often, I have chosen silence in the name of keeping the peace or maintaining a friendly connection. But, in the end, this is giving people a false impression. It’s a lie.

It is my hope that I may grow in courage to be more transparent and authentic… to speak my heart, to speak from love, but honestly… to speak of my faith and why I follow the Christ. That’s all. One does not have to be “schooled” in theology to talk about the power of change and faith.

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Acts 3:3-4
When he [the crippled beggar] saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!”

Eye contact. It’s a lost art. But really, it’s one of the most important connections.

When I was in acting school and took stage combat, it was the first thing we learned. One cannot engage in combat without looking, really looking, in the eyes of the opponent. In stage combat, it’s a team effort. The one striking and the one being struck must see each other and agree on the moment.

Last night, at a rehearsal, my stage partner was supposed to give me a kiss. He missed my lips and it landed on my chin… basically because I didn’t look at him, nor he at me. We were not in sync.

I think the great healing that Peter did at the Gate Beautiful outside the temple courts was similar. The cripple was in a begging habit, calling out, asking for help, but without looking at the actual people going in or coming out. He was throwing out his need like buckshot and hoping his plea would somehow land on the heart of someone.

But healings are specific. Peter demanded the man really look at him. I believe the healing happened in that moment. The “get up and walk part” was after the fact. When they really looked at each other, the crippled man’s authentic need was passed to Peter and in exchange, Peter released the power of the Holy Spirit.

Healing love, concern, hope, trust, assurance, and confidence are among the many things that are passed through the eyes. Not that there isn’t power in other connections (like touch), but the eyes are a unique window to the soul.

Today, open my eyes to see Jesus. Today, open my eyes to see need. Today, open my eyes to give of the Spirit.

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John 19:11b
“…Therefore the one who delivered Me to you has the greater sin.” [Jesus speaking to Pilate]

Although Jesus knew that one of his followers would betray him, the suffering was still heavy to bear. Imagine, in this scene, Jesus tells Pilate that Judas, who betrayed him, has committed a greater sin than Pilate who would be condemning Jesus to death. I believe the chief priests, who brought Jesus to Pilate, were also betrayers. They twisted the truth to achieve their own goals. As leaders of the faith, they betrayed the people.

I have experienced betrayal and I can testify to the depth of such pain. To give someone trust, to open the heart and expose it willingly to someone, and then have it crushed through betrayal is a misery like no other.

Love is a contract. Relationship is a contract. Friendship is a contract. It may not be a written one, like a marriage vow or certificate, and yet, as the onion layers of our hearts are removed in order to love more deeply, we are placing more and more trust in that contract. Contracts of this kind are strengthened by our transparency and destroyed by lies and deception.

And yet, love requires that we accept the possibility of betrayal. This is the greatest challenge of all. Once injured by betrayal, the tendency is to protect the heart from another incursion. But love is anemic without trust and vulnerability. It is not love at all.

Jesus loved Judas despite the eventual betrayal. Jesus loved all the disciples, knowing they would fail him and flee. Jesus loved Peter who denied him three times in a single night.

Our only safety in loving others is Christ. He is the healer of betrayed hearts. Without his presence within the heart, we will develop a heart of stone. It all starts innocently enough, a protective shield from the disappointments and betrayals we have experienced over the years, but eventually, if left to our own devices, the protective layer begins to soak through and our hearts are hardened. This is the highest cost of betrayal.

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart…” [Psalm 51:17a] The heart of stone must be broken in order for healing to begin. [Ezekiel 36:26]

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John 17:13-14; 17
“I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they [followers] may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world….For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.”[Jesus praying]

Three promises are embedded in these passages: joy, suffering, and holiness. These are part of becoming a follower of Christ.

I believe Jesus had joy because he completed his task on Earth. He accomplished what his Father had sent him to do. He was faithful. And out of his accomplishment and faithfulness comes joy. His joy is available to us because HE did the brunt of the work. As Julian of Norwich says, “All will be well…” Despite our circumstances, joy is available. “It is finished!” But we continue to struggle… we continue to make our own joy.

I believe Jesus understood his own suffering and anticipated his followers to experience suffering as well. Jesus was outside the norm of the day. He challenged the religious leaders of the time. He promoted actions and thoughts of paradox: love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you, etc. But these teachings are no better understood or walked out today. Most Christians are uncomfortable with the idea of suffering for an ideal like the lion and the lamb dwelling together. Jesus world and our world are not that different, both worlds are equally violent. Perhaps the biggest difference is that we, in the West, have more to lose. Which bring us to the challenge of holiness.

I believe Jesus offered his followers a holy life by walking outside the the ways of the world. In order to know this life, we would have to willingly step away from our consumer lifestyle. Sanctification (holiness) comes from casting ourselves fully at the feet of Christ. It’s submission to the way of Jesus. It’s humility for the sake of the other. It’s letting go. It’s living sacrificially.

Oh, most patient Lord, forgive me for looking for my own joy, for running from suffering, and fearing holiness. Show me the narrow way.

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