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Posts Tagged ‘pain’

Suffering = Love

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2010| 1 Comment »

In this passage from Romans, Paul writes that suffering goes hand in hand with glory. On this Ash Wednesday, it seems befitting to ask “what is suffering?”

Romans 8:17
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Much attention is paid to Christ’s ultimate sacrifice on the cross as his primary moment of suffering. And of course, that is true. He gave everything he had that day and died that we might become “heirs,” eligible for direct relationship with the Father–children.

But is that the suffering we are to duplicate? Some answer that we are to understand that Christ’s death on the cross symbolizes the sacrifices that we are to make on behalf of others. The implication is that those sacrifices will cause suffering. And that can happen.

I am thinking of simpler things today. I am considering other examples of Jesus’ suffering like the pain of rejection, sorrow, misunderstandings, false accusations, hatred, and attacks by crowds. His every word was scrutinized and his enemies were always trying to trip him up. Oh sure, the crowds followed and adored him but they were fickle. They marveled at his miracles but missed the message. They accepted the free food but missed the bread of life. For me, his greatest suffering was the pouring out of himself each day with little to nothing in return. He suffered in his love for us.

That’s right. Loving the unlovely is painful. Loving those who don’t want to love you back is a struggle. Loving when we are tired, feeling sick, or lonely is a challenge.

But there is a promised reward for loving in this way: glory. Our pastor says that glory is really the light or expression that comes from a fully formed character. Perhaps that is true.

Certainly, loving unconditionally brings change within. Loving unconditionally requires authenticity. This kind of love cannot be faked. As I become more transparent, even translucent, only then can the true glory, the Spirit of Christ become evident.

Teach me your Way, O Christ.

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Road to Hope

Posted in Christmas Through Epiphany, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2010| 2 Comments »

I actually selected this verse on suffering and hope yesterday but couldn’t bring myself to write about it. I don’t go easily into the realm of suffering and pain.

Romans 5:3b-4
. . . we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

I suppose I’m doing better. For years, my mantra was “avoid pain at all cost!” And as a result, I would run away from challenges and opportunities. I was afraid. Primarily, it was emotional pain that kept kept nipping at my trail, trauma from my past. I suspected, if I acknowledged the pain in any way, I would be overwhelmed. At one point, I though my body would explode. I had pushed down so much sorrow, disappointment, resentment, and fear, that the pressure on my soul was severe; it was like a geyser preparing to erupt. That’s chaos. It is not the road to hope.

What is suffering then? We recognize it most easily by example. Surely, the people of Haiti are suffering after the great earthquake. So many have lost everything including loved ones. They are sick, malnourished, exposed to the elements, and grieving all at the same time. And yet, we also know, that recovery from such a horrendous ordeal, can only be done through perseverance and hope.

Perseverance is the human piece of the equation. To get to hope, we must choose to press on. As soon as we decide that we will not give up, then hope can find purchase in the soul.

This is the story of Haiti as well. How else could a young woman survive beneath the rubble for 15 days and come out alive.

Hope, by its very nature, is hope in God to intervene. Since hope is about the unseen, the future, the unknown, only God operates freely there.

Why does God allow so much suffering? I don’t know. It’s a mystery. But God has provided a way out of suffering, step by step. Every time a person can make a choice toward healing, perseverance grows in strength. And as perseverance grows, that person’s character is formed and built on the backbone of faith.

In the past two years, two of my colleagues from work have died of colon cancer. Both walked the journey of suffering and although they died, their struggle was a testimony to the survivors who saw perseverance and character and hope never falter. They are the heroes. They are my teachers.

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30-60-100 Fold

Posted in Christmas Through Epiphany, tagged , , , , , , on January 17, 2010| Leave a Comment »

I think the multiplication principle noted in Matthew 13:8 which is based on “good seed and good soil” is the same for “bad seed and good soil.”

Romans 1:29a
They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, …

The list of evil in Romans 1:29-31 is pretty overwhelming: wickedness, evil, greed, depravity, envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, gossip, slander, God-hating, insolence, arrogance, boastfulness, disobedience, senselessness, faithlessness, heartlessness, and ruthlessness. One evil runs into another. One sin breeds the next. One sorrow bleeds into another.

Most people put their emphasis on the sexual depravity that is described in the verses that precede this list and that implies, it’s those who participate in non-traditional sexual activities who will dive bomb into the list of evils. In fact, however, I believe the sexual sins are just one more in the list. Really, the list, including “sexual behaviors” is the result of the “suppression of the truth.” This is the first sin that plants the seed and changes the relationship that people have with God and the Christ.

There are no easy answers.

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A Restraining Spirit

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , on December 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »

That Paul, once he was in a groove, it was tough to get him to listen to anyone else. He was single minded. How often have I allowed my single mindedness to prevent me from hearing sound counsel or trust that “waiting” is part of the plan?

Acts 21:4b-5a
Through the Spirit they urged Paul not to go on to Jerusalem. But when our time was up, we left and continued on our way.

When is our struggle to reach a goal simply an attack from enemy lines and when is that struggle the restraining pressure of the Holy Spirit? I’m not sure I always know the difference. This is particularly difficult when the original goal seemed compelled by God in the first place. Did God change? Probably not…

But, isn’t it possible that the methods or the path I am taking to accomplish my goal may have strayed from a better plan?

When Mike and I decided to adopt our teenage daughter, Lily, we felt sure and confident that this was God’s will for both her life and for ours. But as the weeks stretched into months and one obstacle after another kept daunting our efforts, I began to doubt the entire process. Had I missed God? Why would God have this girl languish in an orphanage for two years while we were stumbling over bureaucratic red tape? I went into overdrive: there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Since our agency’s authorization to operate in St. Petersburg was still on hold, I found a Russian lawyer who would handle our adoption privately. This would process would be very tricky and expensive, but I would not be blocked. About two months later, the agency got their paperwork and we decided to continue with them.

Here’s the end of the story: at the court hearing, the new director of the orphanage turned out to be the crux to our successful adoption hearing. He spoke fearlessly before the judge who had been of dead against our adoption. He was our champion. This man had only been the director of Lily’s orphanage for about a month. The previous director was much too political to fight the judge (he was on a trajectory to bigger things). I believe our long wait was necessary to insure all of the pieces were in place, particularly this new director.

So, what is the moral of this story? God is sovereign. If God restrains me, then I must adjust my personal time schedule to God’s timing. This is particularly true when circumstances are completely out of our control.

In my case, it wasn’t the obstacles but my attitude toward the obstacles that was the problem. If God wanted to stop me and the adoption, that could have been easily done. In the same way, God could have stopped Paul from going to Jerusalem. I still think Paul was pushing the process a little because of his nature. But, in the end, God is God. And even if I (or Paul) blow it or force an issue, God is there to pick up the pieces. It’s just easier on everyone if we pay attention along the way.

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Vow Making and Taking

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 18:18b
…before he [Paul] sailed, he had his hair cut off at Cenchrea because of a vow he had taken.

There is a small difference between taking a vow and making one. I believe taking a vow is accepting an existing agreement such as taking a vow of celibacy (how that is done is already established). While making a vow is something you create yourself, like making a vow to stop or change a particular behavior.

In modern times, more and more couples are “making vows” (that is, they are creating their own marriage vows) as opposed to taking on a traditional vow. In an age of casual divorce, many couples remove the “til death do us part” bit. It’s easier that way.

In ancient times, vows were serious business. There was often an outward sign that a vow had been taken to alert the community (like the cutting of hair). These practices may have served as another form of accountability for the person making the vow. Historically, the wedding ceremony was similar: a public voicing of the vow and then a symbolic exchange of rings to signify the vows were made and accepted.

But the seriousness of vows has been lost in our age. We have softened vows into “promises.” And somehow, promises hold less power and are often broken. How often do we say, “I promise … I will …” and then don’t. There is no apparent result. There is no cost.

I maintain there is a cost however. The cost is within. Broken promises break the heart of the one to whom the promise was made and hardens the heart of the one who made the promise and broke it. The effects of broken vows is even worse.

If a vow is made before God, then the breaking is not only between the people, it’s a triad vow and includes God in the mix. Broken vows give pain to God as well.

Keep me mindful this day of my words and thoughts. Oh God, keep me in the circle of your covenant with me.

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Between Two Worlds

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 7:22, 25
Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action… Moses thought that his own people [Israelites] would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not.

I know what it means to be between two worlds… or more. I am a first generation American. My parents arrived in this country in 1951 and, as most immigrants do, they looked for a community of Latvians. They ended up in Indianapolis, Indiana where over 2500 Latvians had settled. Over the years, the Latvians built a community center and had various civic and religious organizations. But, when my father died, we were somewhat ostracized from that community and I never understood why and until much later in life.

You see, my mother is only half Latvian and half German. Her mother was German (as well as her step-mother), and in the end, her sympathies and traditions were more rooted in Germany. She had even “re-patrioted” to Germany before the war, a common practice by anyone with any German heritage. My parents actually met in Germany where my father was a prisoner of war and my mother worked as a translator because she was tri-lingual (German, Latvian & English).

In the end, within that Latvian community in Indianapolis, her Germanic roots and her widow status caused many a cold shoulder. As a result, we gravitated to the American society.

But that was not a smooth assimilation either. We were still foreigners. English was actually my second language as we primarily spoke Latvian in the home until after my father’s death. We were definitely different. My mother had a heavy accent and she had some eccentric ideas to say the least.

We lived between those two worlds, trying to juggle them. We attended events and made friends in both worlds, but we never felt truly a part. My brother and I finally chose one community over the other: we chose to become as American as possible and for many years, we both cast off our Latvian heritage.

My daughter, recently adopted from Russia as a teenager, is going through similar struggles. She doesn’t really fit into either world. Her Russian friends (and extended biological family) see her as a traitor of sorts for moving to this country and her American high school is less than embracing, mocking her accent and loopholes in cultural and language norms (by students as well as teachers). Her pain is palpable.

Moses was raised as an Egyptian… but he was an Israelite. He thought he would be embraced by the Israelites when he discovered his lineage and his background. They did not. His solution was to run away. He went to Midian and raised a family there. His solution was to cast aside both cultures and start over. I can understand that mindset.

We all know the story. God called Moses back to lead his people. God had prepared Moses for this task, specifically by placing one foot in each culture.

Someday, my daughter will discover the power of living and surviving the challenges of two cultures.

For myself, I have been more like Moses and I escaped into a different third world: the Christian world… a culture, up until recent years, all its own. But, like Moses, I feel God calling me back to integration.

I cannot run from the pain of my past. It is all part of who I am and who God wants me to become. All of the choices, the mistakes, as well as the victories and successes, are part of today. Those experiences made my today.

I choose wholeness for myself today… for my daughter… and for anyone who has struggled with any separation within.

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Exposing Gentleness

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , on August 13, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Philippians 4:5a
“Let your gentleness be evident to all….” [Paul]

Exposing gentleness has always sounded dangerous to me. That’s why most people perceive me as having a “strong,” maybe even tough exterior. It’s a type of shield for my heart. I’m sure, even my dearest friends, wouldn’t choose “gentle” to describe me. But it is there.

I only expose my gentle self when I judge the circumstances are safe. For instance, I’m sure my pets would call me gentle most of the time, particularly one on one. Or is it that they gentle me? In any event, I respond to their unconditional love. But the heart cannot count on unconditional love from others. The gentle heart must give it.

One key to exposing the gentle heart is not responding like for like. I get sucked in emotionally to the flames of others when I want to be cool water.

Another key is trusting God to protect my heart. I think the revelation for me today is that a heart protected by God is like a “tempurpedic mattress” – it returns to its shape naturally. It’s not that the heart won’t be pushed or compressed, but it will bounce back.

In truth, the gentle heart is resilient and very strong. The gentle heart accepts people right were they are. The gentle heart places no expectations on others. The gentle heart is patient. The gentle heart is brave.

Oh, gentle heart, be brave today.

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