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Posts Tagged ‘surrender’

Desire is Not Enough

Posted in Christmas Through Epiphany, tagged , , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2010| 1 Comment »

I want to do the right thing. I want to be a good mother, wife, and friend. I want to choose well. But truthfully, my “trying” and my desire are not enough.

Romans 7:15; 18b
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. . . . I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

As long as I am trying and doing and choosing in my own strength, I am behaving just like an alcoholic, promising myself and others that I’ll do better “next time.” This is the point of decision: do I keep trying to do it myself or abandon this tactic and truly give myself over to that “higher power?”

Even though I have surrendered a great deal of my life, I am still hanging on to a lot of details. I am still hanging on to what “I want to do” with my life and what my kids should be doing. I am still controlling. I keep taking back the reins particularly when I look around and the environment has become unfamiliar.

God is actually about change. And although I say I love change, it’s change under my control and understanding that I love: change that doesn’t touch the heart of me.

But now, I see, that God is moving me toward the next level. It’s time to move into new terrain.

I have said again and again that I want more intimacy with God in Christ. So, now, I stand at the door. When I open this door, my ability to control the outcome is negligible. My hand is on the latch.

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Pruning or Cutting

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , on August 16, 2009| Leave a Comment »

John 15:2
“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”

Do I know the difference? I’m not sure I do. Conceptually I understand. Pruning is supposed to be that little snip here and there, deadheading, and shaping, while cutting is chopping off a dead branch or even more drastic, the whole top of something and starting over. One action is a hopeful trim while the other is not so hopeful, more resignation I’d say. Oh sure, there are times that a major cutting happens and the plant regroups and sprouts all over again, but how often does that happen?

My husband and I have always wanted a willow tree, but we’re too cheap to just go out and buy one. So, he keeps coming up with these little willow tree sprigs and shoots to try and generate some roots from them… either in a jug a water or sticking them directly in the ground (according to “his” daddy, this is possible). Anyway, to make a long story short, none of these methods have worked to date. That is, until the last one. He stuck it in the ground (we have a very wet area of our yard) and no surprise, the little thing up and died. So we didn’t bother to prune it, we just cut it down. Guess what? That little guy interpreted that action completely differently. For that little willow, it was pruning, and up from nothing, came a healthy willow branch, ready to face the world. Go figure.

What’s the lesson here? Anything is possible. Pruning and cutting can look the same sometimes but it’s what the plant does with it that matters.

When an idea or a planned future is cut off from out lives, how are we interpreting it? I have assumed that broken dreams were God’s way of saying, “no, not that!” But really, it’s possible that it was just a re-direction. It was really a pruning… maybe it felt like cutting because I had carried the plan along too far without checking in. Who knows?

I know I’m in Christ. I’m in the plant… the vine. And if that’s the case, it’s all pruning, every change out of my control and in God’s control has tremendous potential. I think it’s time to really embrace the shifts and snips.

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Have You Forsaken Me?

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , on April 8, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Matthew 27:46
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”—which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

We don’t know how God will save. Despite Jesus being God in the flesh, he was also limited by this flesh and did not really know how the end (or the beginning) would manifest. All around him were mockers. All around him were soldiers “just doing their jobs.” And even, around him, were a few faithful, believing in him still… somehow. But what would happen next? He had already suffered so much: the betrayal, the false hearings before the Sanhedrin and Herod, the flogging, the long walk to his the Golgotha, the nails, the erecting of the cross with his body impaled upon it.

How much more could he bear? How would his salvation come? Would he know death? And still, the pain of the flesh overcame everything. And there was the most human experience of all: fear and doubt.

Had Jesus known these anytime before? I can’t think of one. Even in the face of Lazarus’ death, he sorrowed, but he knew. But here, I think he felt the intensity of our human fragility.

We don’t know how God will save. For Jesus, he went to the end of human life to find the beginning of new life. And this is so for many of our loved ones. But there are also dramatic reversals, healings, mercy, transformations, love, and renewal. Everything is possible now because Jesus pressed into the reality of his fear and doubt and still surrendered to the wisdom of God: “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”

Today I will remember surrender.

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Peter Wept

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2009| 1 Comment »

Matthew 26:74-75
Then he began to call down curses on himself and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”
Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

In Matthew’s version of this story, Peter is confronted with the truth of himself and weeps; a few lines later, Judas confronts himself and commits suicide. Both men felt remorse. Both were overwhelmed by their actions but only one survives. Peter is not mentioned again individually by Matthew, except as within the group of eleven disciples who return to Galilee to see Jesus ascend. But in Luke’s gospel, we see Peter among the gathered disciples and then he rushes to the empty tomb to see it for himself.

Here’s my point: Peter wept when he saw himself in stark reality. Both Luke and Matthew say he wept bitterly which implies how difficult it was for him to accept the truth. But Peter’s response, his next step, was to return to community instead of isolating himself.

When we see the truth of ourselves, our first tendency is to hide and go it alone. But that is not the best way. Isolation is just the beginning of a downward spiral into depression and hopelessness. Nothing we have done or said is beyond surrender to God. Forgiveness is made real by sharing that painful confession with other believers. It is the body of Christ that puts hands and feet on forgiveness and renewal.

I am working my way back into community, into koinonia. Will there be open arms?

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Build Faith

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , on March 3, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Matthew 17:19-20
Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it [the demon] out?”
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Jesus gave the disciples everything they needed to drive out the demons, to heal the sick, to proclaim the gospel. Jesus gives us everything we need to do the same. There is only one thing lacking: our faith. Each person must determine in his/her own heart, mind & spirit, what is blocking the building of faith? Are we looking for a sign or a miracle before our faith can be exercised? Or doesn’t that fly in the face of faith? Mustard seed faith requires a leap… a leap beyond logic, 3 dimensions, and expectations. Mustard seed faith has abandon. Mustard seed faith requires total surrender. “Lift up your heads, O you gates [of the heart]; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.” Ps 24:7.

Found this today in my mailbox, a quote by Jean Pierre de Caussade.

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