My mind has been churning all morning as I contemplate the reading for today (Luke 18:10-14). Although I understand the overt message of the illustration between the Pharisee and the Tax Collector praying in the Temple, I also find myself resisting an all out dip into “worm” theology. Part of my problem is that I have slid into “self-condemnation” over the years and it can be quite debilitating. Where is the balance between self worth or self-esteem and humility?
Now imagine these two men walking back down the road to their homes. Listen, it’s the tax collector who walks home clean before God, and not the Pharisee, because whoever lifts himself up will be put down and whoever takes a humble place will be lifted up. [Luke 18:14, The Voice]
It’s a matter of perspective. It’s a matter of source: where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord. [Psalm 121:1]
If I can reach the point where my inner self is truly united and led by Spirit, then this quandary would be moot. I am the “human doing” in my family and in my community. I am always on the go and there are projects to be tackled everywhere. Although I have survived my period of perfectionism, I can still be quite manic about a job well done. I am interested in everything. On Saturday, I attended our library’s volunteer celebration to thank the many who come to our library to give of their time and energy. On the way there, one of my volunteers talked about her basket guild and I thought, wouldn’t that be great? I could learn how to weave baskets. At the event, the speaker was a Master Gardener and I thought, wouldn’t that be great? I could have a vegetable garden in my back yard or a container garden on my deck. On our way home, another volunteer talked about cooking. Wouldn’t that be great? I could learn about gourmet cooking. I could write a book. I could paint my bathroom. I could re-organize my closet. I could put my dog into obedience school. I could take a photograph every day of the sunrise on the water. I could. . . I could . . . pant, pant, pant.
Look what I’m doing Lord! Look at me being busy!!!
But what would God have me do?
If God is in the doing, then it’s all about God anyway. And not about me.
Take a breath.
Meditations from Zion 