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Posts Tagged ‘pride’

I’m not sure which is harder, contemplating this scripture from the book of Mark or reading Oswald Chambers’ entry for March 12.

labyrinthAfter calling the crowd together with his disciples, Jesus said to them, “All who want to come after me must say no to themselves, take up their cross, and follow me. All who want to save their lives will lose them. But all who lose their lives because of me and because of the good news will save them. [Mark 5:34-35, CEB]

Chambers wrote: Our motive for surrender should not be for any personal gain at all. We have become so self-centered that we go to God only for something from Him, and not for God Himself. It is like saying, “No, Lord, I don’t want you; I want myself. But I do want You to clean me and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. I want to be on display in Your showcase so I can say, ‘This is what God has done for me.’ ”

Sometimes “taking up our cross” is couched in testing language. Test God, give this up or let go of that, and yTower of Babelou’ll see, God will bless you. Or, and I’m sure I’m not alone, there’s a lot of “gimme prayers,” even ones are cloaked in the name of empathy: “Oh Lord, heal so and so, I love them so much.” It’s as though our love or our prayers might just do the trick and turn God’s heart. Or even worse, those times we have called on God exchange our lives for someone else’s, as though that kind of martyrdom would make a difference; after all, we would only inflict loss and pain on those around us.

I am thoroughly self-centric. I confess it amidst great embarrassment. Just by writing, I have to admit to a certain audaciousness. I have done the very thing Oswald speaks of: flashing God’s power in my life. [Look what God did for little old me.]

egoPerhaps it’s a little of Eckart Tolle coming through, his view of the ego and its battle with Spirit/Now/Presence, however it would be best to express it in his terms. But the point is the same: the “I” in us continually seeks to find the center of our universe. That “I” says, “How does this affect me? What happens to me? What about me? What about what’s best for me?” (Effie sings in Dream Girls)

pelican sacrificeTruly losing oneself happens without fanfare. As soon as I say, oh I have given up all for Christ and carry His cross, well, quite honestly, I’ve just “found” myself wearing different stripes. Nothing has really changed.

No. Losing oneself slips in unnoticed.

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New JerusalemI have read (Bible Study Tools on Jerusalem) that there was a time that Jerusalem was invincible. I can certainly understand how that could happen, just thinking of the miraculous creation of the temple and the tangible presence of God there, how could any enemy prevail?

Jerusalem is built like a city joined together in unity . . . It is the law for Israel to give thanks there . . . Pray that Jerusalem has peace: “Let those who love you have rest. Let there be peace on your walls; let there be rest on your fortifications.” [Psalm 122:3, 4b, 6-7, CEB]

But not unlike the confidence in the Titanic, the unsinkable ship of wonder and power, people abused the vessel itself. The Temple was the core of Jerusalem, it’s lifeblood issued from its center, but the leaders and kings continued to misunderstand its role, the basic requirements of worship and faithfulness. As a result, they began to undercut its effectiveness. So it was with the great ship whose design was flawed and never fully tested, whose strength was challenged by boasting and unnecessary risk. Both Jerusalem and the Titanic suffered due to the pride of its caretakers.

And I wonder, are we doing the same thing with our religion? Are we borrowing from the texts the parts we want to use as a hammer against others and setting aside the words that condemn our own actions? Are we elevating our own understanding above the understanding of others? Are we so sure in the details?

And what about the Church itself? Have denominations and preferences become silos from which we are no longer able to see clearly? Now we have a myriad of “Jerusalems” into which we are endowing superiority and funds for the sake of our structures and mindsets.

God promises the earth, the peoples of this earth, a “New Jerusalem.” I do not believe that this is necessarily a humongous cube that will drop down out of space (the heavens) and we’ll all take a ride. Instead, I see it as a unified peoples, living for the sake of others, honoring humanity and the God who made us. The New Jerusalem comes at a cost, the paradox of letting go and surrendering to a different way of living and thinking.

Jesus was on a mission to bring us closer to the New Jerusalem. We’re not there yet. We may have to sink the ship a few more times before we are able to build a structure that can be inhabited by Truth.

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prisonThe story of Joseph and how he was sold into slavery by his brothers is a popular Sunday School tale. This, along with his “technicolor dreamcoat,” have been repeated over and over again. Joseph was wonderful; his brother were not so wonderful, but God blessed Joseph and the paybacks were sweet. But is that all of the story?

But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison. [Genesis 40:14, NIV]

Despite Joseph’s favor with God and being the favorite of his own birth father, he was sold, enslaved, raised up, imprisoned, and raised up with the prison walls, and forgotten (again and again). Yes, Joseph received favor in his circumstances and yes, apparently Joseph had a great work ethic, but Joseph also knew he was captive to the whims and control of others.

He was not his own man. He was dependent and I believe this is the lesson he needed to learn.

Joseph may have been a man of integrity and all of that, but until he walked the challenges of being in the lowest place could he be elevated to the highest.

Jesus tells a parable with a similar message in Luke 14:7-11.
“When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”Minolta DSC

This is the message of the old Joseph story for me today. Joseph was proud of his many dreams that showed his family bowing down to him. He inadvertently, through a bit of gloating, set a major set of circumstances into motion.

Beware, I say to myself, beware of pride and judgment. God will teach in a variety of ways. In God’s time, there is no time, only the lesson that must be learned.

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ifJob finally stops his long recitation of sorrow and lays out a series of If/Then statements. In chapter 31, he makes at least sixteen if statements, all articulating what he has been accused of by his friends and family (as a reason for his current sufferings) and Job basically says, if it’s true that he did any of these things, then may others benefit from his mistakes, may people change their paths, may more harm come to him, and so on. It’s a fascinating end to his arguments, and the chapter concludes with “The words of Job are ended.”

Scripture example:
If ever people in such conditions did not physically bless and thank me
        for warming them up with the fleeces of my own sheep,
If I ever used my civic strength to condemn the fatherless
        simply because I knew I had allies in the courts;
Then let my arm be pulled from its socket!
        Let my forearm be snapped off at the elbow for raising it against the orphan! [Job 31:20-22, The Voice]

It’s a strong presentation. But it’s also a bit of a prideful one. He’s so sure. Job is just so sure that nothing in his life would warrant his current circumstances.

And of course, for those of us reading, we already know how the story began and ends. Ultimately, he was right. Job had not sinned or lied or cheated. He had feared the Lord and acted accordingly.

But the one thing he did not consider was that God is sovereign and ultimately, can choose or not choose, do or not do as God wills. God cannot be held to logic or democracy. It is not for us, human, to necessarily figure it out. Most people don’t particularly like that concept, but I think it’s quite true.

There is, of course, if/then in our own lives as well as sowing and reaping. We don’t have God’s latitude, except for the divine intervention of the Christ, the Messiah, whose mission was to break the ongoing if/then of our cultures and our races.

ifthenThere is good power too in if/then. We don’t have to throw out the baby with the proverbial bath water. It’s a core theme to a type of goal planning and success. It’s a way of talking to oneself or scheduling one’s day and the reason it has power, the “if” statement presents an accomplishment or finished task that then frees the mind to move on to the next thing, the “then.” For instance, “If I have finished writing this blog post, then I can read those articles on Journaling” or “If it is 7:30 pm, then I can spend an hour on Facebook.” (For more on this concept, How To Use If-Then Planning To Achieve Any Goal.)

Interestingly enough, there is currently a Broadway Musical about to be launched in March 2014 called, of all things, If/Then. The story seems to revolve around different paths in a life. Most of us have played that game in our heads, what if I hadn’t married this particular person and gone to college out of state instead. Then, who would I have become?

I really didn’t get any deep insights here, but I am aware of the power of “If.” It carries with it an assumption or set of conditions and I think, perhaps, I have been building the wrong if statements in my life. I just want to think about it. You?

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busy busy busyMy mind has been churning all morning as I contemplate the reading for today (Luke 18:10-14). Although I understand the overt message of the illustration between the Pharisee and the Tax Collector praying in the Temple, I also find myself resisting an all out dip into “worm” theology. Part of my problem is that I have slid into “self-condemnation” over the years and it can be quite debilitating. Where is the balance between self worth or self-esteem and humility?

Now imagine these two men walking back down the road to their homes. Listen, it’s the tax collector who walks home clean before God, and not the Pharisee, because whoever lifts himself up will be put down and whoever takes a humble place will be lifted up. [Luke 18:14, The Voice]

It’s a matter of perspective. It’s a matter of source: where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord. [Psalm 121:1]

If I can reach the point where my inner self is truly united and led by Spirit, then this quandary would be moot. I am the “human doing” in my family and in my community. I am always on the go and there are projects to be tackled everywhere. Although I have survived my period of perfectionism, I can still be quite manic about a job well done. I am interested in everything. On Saturday, I attended our library’s volunteer celebration to thank the many who come to our library to give of their time and energy. On the way there, one of my volunteers talked about her basket guild and I thought, wouldn’t that be great? I could learn how to weave baskets. At the event, the speaker was a Master Gardener and I thought, wouldn’t that be great? I could have a vegetable garden in my back yard or a container garden on my deck. On our way home, another volunteer talked about cooking. Wouldn’t that be great? I could learn about gourmet cooking. I could write a book. I could paint my bathroom. I could re-organize my closet. I could put my dog into obedience school. I could take a photograph every day of the sunrise on the water. I could. . . I could . . . pant, pant, pant.

Look what I’m doing Lord! Look at me being busy!!!

But what would God have me do?

If God is in the doing, then it’s all about God anyway. And not about me.

Take a breath.

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poor with usSo the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, with great terror and with signs and wonders.He brought us to this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey;and now I bring the first fruits of the soil that you, Lord, have given me.” [Deuteronomy 26:8-10a]

I am no different from my kids when it comes to appreciating what God has done for me.

It makes me so furious when I feel I have given and given and given so much to my children and they barely seem to appreciate it. Instead, they seem to have developed an attitude of expectation as though they deserve more and more. I’ve created a monster that rears its ugly head almost daily asking, “What have you done for me lately?” (like in the last hour).

But am I any different? Just like the Israelites really, who were miraculously whooshed out of Egypt after a series of plagues and deaths that bypassed them and only affected the Egyptians; after escaping through the parting waters of the Red Sea; after manna from heaven and water from a dead rock . . . still it was not enough to sustain their belief. They could not even wait for Moses to come down from the mountain before they created their own golden God who would give them license to do whatever they wanted to do.

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. [Deuteronomy 8:10-14]

I have become equally complacent with the blessings of God. I have lost sight that I live in a land where anything is possible, where water comes out of faucets (both hot and cold), where food is purchased with the swipe of a plastic card, where heat comes out of slats in the floor, where travel is in a car, where clothing is bought and given away in the same year, where illness is an inconvenience and going to work every day is often tedious and renders a justified “mental health day.”

Spoiled believer. I am. Spoiled by the blessings. Giving thanks at a meal is a ritual with little authentic appreciation of the cost to others.

Forgive me Father for my callous and blind day to day living without earnest thanksgiving. All you ask is that I give back some of it for the sake of others, an offering of “first fruits” from the harvest, a tithe from my income, an acknowledgment of your provision. I give but I am cavalier. I donate but not the best part.

Forgive me Father. Keep me mindful this day. And the next day. And the next. Order my day, show me the way.

 

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When people are grieving or anxious, they will often say, “I just keep busy to keep my mind off of it.” And, in those situations, being busy sounds reasonable. But I’m thinking this filling up of the mind with stuff may be interfering with the healing work of God.

Psalm 10:4
In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

Another example is the memory and RAM needed in a computer. I suppose this is on my mind because of the computer parts all over my desk here at home. I knew my computer was on its last legs, but I wanted to get the data off and transferred to the new computer before it was too late. I got all the right cables, the PC Mover software, made all the right connections but when I tried to load the software, I got a blue screen. It was all over. There was simply no more room on the old computer for anything. Even though the PC Mover software would help the situation, would open up space, the computer was too full already.

How many times have I told my kids to leave room at the top of a cup of coffee if they want to add cream and sugar. Instead, there’s a mess all over the counter from spilled liquid while they try to stir it or carry the brimming cup to the sink.

We do the same thing in our brains. Well, at least, I know I do. I max out my head and my calendar. I keep adding and adding and then I wonder why I start to forget things and become more and more stressed out.

Leaving room for what comes next must be intentional.

If I want God to do a work, to help me solve a problem, to transform my habits, then I’d better leave some extra time, energy, and place for that to happen.

De-cluttering is a good example. Surely, everyone knows that things look and feel worse before they feel better when trying to move from chaos to order. To organize a messy closet, everything has to come out first. The stuff ends up all over the floor and bed. And if I don’t leave enough time to return those items methodically to the closet, I have just expanded my problem.

God also needs my time and attention to de-clutter me within.

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