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Posts Tagged ‘way of Jesus’

Letters of the Heart

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , on July 16, 2010| Leave a Comment »

What do my heart letters say? So many people have written onto my heart: some with joy and some with pain; many with indelible ink. But what has God written on my heart? Can people even read it or is that letter being crowded out?

II Corinthians 3:3
You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

I know there’s a lot of junk mail in my heart. Like my email inbox, I hang on to things too long, thinking I might need that information someday. In my basement, I still have boxes of letters from old friends. There was a time I kept every letter ever written to me. I’m talking about way back, like the seventies and eighties! I keep thinking I’ll go back and re-read them. I’ll glean some truth from them, some insight. Or, I’ll develop a story based on the content. But each box is taking up room in my storage area and I haven’t opened them once since we moved into this house twelve years ago.

I have given too much space to the junk in my heart as well. Unlike the unopened boxes in my basement, I replay these letters over and over again. I read the painful ones in particular, again and again, allowing more blood to flow. I replay the sentences. I reconstruct the circumstances. I play the “if only” game (if only I had said such and such . . . if only I had walked away sooner, etc.)

The Holy Spirit has written more then one letter on my heart. I know this. When I am quiet, some of those words will float up and I can hear and read of the love of the Father/Mother for me. I experience a contentment of soul.

I don’t think it’s just about the busy-ness of my life, although I do fill my calendar too readily. It’s about the junk mail. Today, I’m going to start tossing this stuff out. I’m going to hit the “delete” key. I’m going to give more room to the words of God on my heart.

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Yin, Yang, Paul and me

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Paul must not have been an very easy man to get along with. Probably stemming from his Pharisaic background, he appears to be quite the taskmaster. I imagine him as abrupt, determined, and overly confident. He lived by high standards and expected the same of others. Hmmm, that sounds uncomfortably familiar.

II Corinthians 2:1-2
BUT I definitely made up my mind not to grieve you with another painful and distressing visit. For if I cause you pain [with merited rebuke], who is there to provide me enjoyment but the [very] one whom I have grieved and made sad? [Amplified]

So much was expected of me as I was growing up in my family but I never seemed to make the mark. My brother was the successful one in school and my mother was always comparing me to him. I was the “last of the best” and somehow, that was worse than anything else. Smart, but never quite smart enough.

I lived such a roller coaster life: jumping in and out of people’s lives or making friends and losing friends or trying things and giving up on things or looking for fame and fortune but finding disappointment and loneliness.

When I finally accepted Christ at age 29 and stepped onto the “way,” for a long season, I actually became even more obnoxious. The very person I didn’t want to become, I became anyway: narrow, prideful, judgmental, assumptive. I used my faith like a club. What was I thinking? I thought I had all the answers. It took me thirty years to figure out I was just starting to understand the questions.

Am I saying that St. Paul smacks of that? Not necessarily, but I do think he stuck his foot in his mouth alot. He loved people but he wasn’t good with people. And I do that too.

He meant well too. And yet, his “chastisements” were a deep blow to those folks who were trying their best to understand it all, to “get” the new message, to accept the Messiah who had really come. . . and gone. I think they felt like they had actually missed the most important moment of their lives. All they had were their traditions and the stories of others like Paul. If we think our churches are crazy, I bet it was insane back then. Everything and I mean everything they had believed up until then was tossed out the window. It was a new day, a new kind of faith.

Paul was one of those “all or nothing” kind of guys. Stay or go. Believe or don’t believe, but “don’t waste my time or yours.” In some ways, that kind of dynamism is contagious and it’s easy to “follow” such a strong leader. But it can also be off putting.

I can be a bull in a china shop too. I tell you, when I’m right, I’m really right, but when I’m “wrong,” I’m really really wrong. Foot in mouth up to thigh. I say things I’m just thinking and others here me speaking with conviction and authority. Heck, I’m just thinking out loud.

Lord, forgive me for casting others aside with the sound of my voice. Forgive me for not remembering that lots of people are different from me, that they may need more time with information, that they may need to take a breath, that they may need space, that they may simply disagree with me.

Show me how to love unconditionally, to accept people right where they are. And to let you do the rest.

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Relying on God

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 11, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Why should I rely on God? Hmmm, that should be a no-brainer. You know, God, the who who raises people from the dead? God, the Spirit. God within. God of the kingdom: all there and available to me. And yet, I still try to to work it out alone, to go my own way.

II Corinthians 1:9b-11
But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.

The faith walk includes a submission to the Spirit within.

The story of Eve, whether viewed as an actual event or an allegory, is about the decision a person must make, either to broker all knowledge alone and to “be like God” [Genesis 3:5] or to trust God and not necessarily understand everything that happens but follow all the same.

I believe there is world space different than the 3-D world we can see, touch, and smell. That world is Spirit.

But how do I connect to this “other” world? That is the whole point, isn’t it? That is the reason believers have been meeting together over the millenniums. That is the reason for the “spiritual disciplines.” That is the reason for prayer (inner talking and dialogue with Spirit). That is the reason for a Christ, the way.

What’s also interesting in this brief passage is the allusion to the prayers of others has having direct impact on the process. When I pray for another person on his/her journey, circumstances, and perils, I am actually helping that person stay on the path and recognize the way.

Sometimes it’s easier to rely on God to work and do for someone else than for oneself. It’s a good enough place to start. In either case, I must acknowledge God to be God and I may not understand all of that. In fact, I know I don’t. But revelation does not come without commitment and trust.

One cannot believe without a willingness to believe.

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In the Face of Despair

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , on July 10, 2010| 6 Comments »

No, I have not faced despair to the point of facing death. My life is blessed. What are my struggles compared to walking streets where a car bomb could go off at any moment or looking into the eyes of my starving children each day or living in a tent city or carrying water for miles in plastic water jugs?

II Corinthians 1:8b-9
We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

I understand the theory of trusting God in the face of despair. I understand that God is present for the poorest of the poor, for the loneliest of the lonely, the widows and orphans, the lost. But I have only witnessed these lives from afar. Even when I went to Africa, I was in a cocoon of safety.

In Namibia, I spent one afternoon at the Mafuta village where our church-sponsored children’s home was providing a lunch to the local school children. And I was touched by their need, their struggle. And yet, these were better off than many. They were being fed while many others elsewhere are not.

Would I have the courage to trust in God in the face of true despair? Would I be able to hold fast to my faith?

It is the reason I am still in awe of Mother Teresa when she served in Calcutta. She faced the despair of others every day. But she was able to sustain herself in Christ. Only her faith in God allowed her to rise each day and touch the dead and dying. To be the hands of love. She could not bring hope, even. Just tenderness and love in the face of despair.

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Overflowing Comfort

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2010| 2 Comments »

When anything overflows, the implication is that there is more than enough. Although I can speak at great length about my pains and our troubles, I rarely discourse on the overwhelming comfort I’ve received. Why is that?

II Corinthians 1:3b-5
. . . the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

What travels faster, good news or bad news? There’s nothing like a juicy story at someone else’s expense. Or, it might be a tragedy that is played and replayed on the television. So often, even in sports, it’s the mistakes or the “cheating” that gets the most press. During these weeks the 2010 World Cup is big news and yet, the biggest news seems to be the bad referee calls, faked injuries, and intentional errors.

During the course of a day, don’t we tend to remember the person who was unpleasant and rude more than the polite or sympathetic one? Somehow, the gentle hand never seems to be enough.

Pain has a reputation of being stronger than comfort. Sorrow lays across our heart like a heavy blanket. Disappointment can be a wound that will not heal. Betrayal is the repeated slashes of a knife.

I remember one horrible emotional breakdown I had some time ago. I don’t really remember the source of my cataclysm, but it definitely took me over the edge. I was in full tilt: shouting, crying, and door slamming. My daughter tried to come into my room to “comfort” me and I sent her away. What was I really saying when I rejected her, “You are not able to comfort me!” or “I don’t want to be comforted; I want to feel like this a little longer because I deserve it!”

Despite saying we don’t like to swim in misery, I think we do it more than we care to admit. In fact, swimming in misery can become the norm. Swimming in comfort means feeling better, even good, despite our circumstances.

For comfort to work, it has to be accepted.

Here are some other words for “comforter” in the New Testament: Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby [Amplified]. The comforter is the Holy Spirit and, as we all know and the Holy Spirit is within. True comfort comes from within: the voice of counsel, the voice of solution, the voice of encouragement, the voice of support, the voice of strength, and the voice in the background.

The Comforter has my back . . . if I let that one do his/her job. The comforter picks me up when I fall.

But the Comforter, like Jesus, is polite. Comfort cannot be pressed upon a person. One can always send comfort away.

I am reminded of Matthew 20:32, “Jesus stopped and called them [two blind men]. ‘What do you want me to do for you?'”

The Comforter does not presume. It is sometimes up to me to figure out exactly what is the true problem, what is the issue, what is causing me to feel so much pain, anxiety, fear, etc. This is the first step toward comfort. The second step toward comfort is breath.

That may sound simplistic, but taking a deep breath will often start the healing particularly if it is the breath of God.

My prayer: Open my mind and heart and soul to your Comfort, to your breath, to your spirit. Forgive me for shutting out the Comforter. Forgive me for shutting out the people who come to me in the name of Comfort.

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Holy Kiss

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , on July 8, 2010| 2 Comments »

Like foot washing, head coverings and the like, the holy kiss has been discussed ad nauseum by many scholars and theologians. Generally, it is accepted that “kissing,” as a greeting is culturally based and not “required” in today’s church. We can just shake hands. But even that is going out of fashion.

I Corinthians 16:20
All the brothers here send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

Oh yes, today, we know all about the germs. Those bad boys are putting a crimp in just about everything. And somehow, they seem to be getting worse than ever with each age. But never fear: we now have hand sanitizers everywhere, from the grocery store cart stand to the entrances of most public buildings and even the hallways of movie theaters.

People have become afraid to touch each other, much less kiss or drink from a common communion cup. Pretty soon, after the small plastic cups and tiny white dog biscuits are passed, they’ll follow up with a squirt of sanitizer.

Everything is becoming sanitized and impersonal when we’re face to face while intimacies flourish online. People say things in chat rooms, email, and texting that they would never say to one another in person. Some folks even participate in full blown virtual communities as “avatars” and in some of the worst cases, develop avatar-based intimacies and actually discuss in forums whether it’s cheating on a husband or wife if their avatars are having virtual sex.

Where is the simplicity in relationships?

A friend of mine once bemoaned that people don’t seem to know how to just “get together” and spend time together or just drop by and chat. Neighborhoods where people know each other and chat across a fence are becoming far fewer even though we are living closer and closer together.

The holy kiss greeting is a symbol of connection, a genuine touch of one person to another. This kiss doesn’t even have to be a lip to lip kiss, it can be as simple as authentic eye contact or a genuine hug or a gift of self.

To kiss in this way is to give. But if it’s not real, don’t bother. There are too many people who hug and kiss the air next to someone’s face because of heavy lipstick or some of other hair or make-up interference. Men have stopped kissing their children. I’m beginning to think more people are kissing their dogs than they are kissing other people.

A true kiss is an exchange, that’s all. I can kiss with my eyes, my fingertips, my nose, my feet. I can kiss with my lips. But if there is nothing behind the kiss, I have cheated the other person. If there is no true affection or desire to connect, then there really is no point in doing it.

In some fantasy books, if there is a true connection between people, something happens between them when they touch . . . like a small jolt of electricity. We have lost the ability to send ourselves through touch, through the kiss, through the eyes. How then can we pass Christ?

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Do Everything in Love

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , on July 7, 2010| 2 Comments »

No matter what we do, we are admonished to do it all in love. It is unfortunate that the “love” message has gotten so watered down by our current culture. That’s so simplistic, we might think. It’s so 60’s. It’s so “new age.” We miss the power.

I Corinthians 16:13-14
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.

The more I study, the more sure I am that love is the bottom line. If there was love in our words and actions, so much would come out differently.

Intending to love and actually loving are different. The first one doesn’t really count.

I keep reminding myself that love is about “other.” Love is not just a soft feeling. As the saying goes, “love is a verb.” It might only take a moment to ask myself the question, how are my words and actions speaking and demonstrating love? Is it in my voice quality? Is it in my facial expression. Is it in my touch? Is in my choice of words? Is it in my heart?

Is love in my work?

In verse 16:13, Paul has a string of encouragements about strength and courage. Isn’t it interesting that these would be partnered with doing everything in love? Apparently, these qualities are part of the love quotient.

To love in the face of “no love” is far more difficult than any other human act.

Will I stand for love today? Will I be strong? Will I have courage to love? And harder still, can I love without payback? Like everyone else, I want to be loved too. I want to be cared for and appreciated and nurtured. I want to be complimented and admired. I want to be known.

But we’re back to paradox. I’m sure of it. To be loved, I must love…. in everything. So simple.

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