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Posts Tagged ‘change’

Transformation

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010| Leave a Comment »

With each day that the veil of my heart is down, the more accessible and available I am for transformation and change. Isn’t that why I keep pulling the veil back up? Transformation is not easy. Old things must pass away and the new is unpredictable.

II Corinthians 3:18
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I have always considered myself as some kind of agent for change. It’s even part of my personal mission statement, “to inspire meaningful change . . . ” But when it’s my own change, my own transformation, I am a little more reluctant. Oh, I can change my hair, my weight, my clothes, and all the other external trappings. I can change my job and change my tasks. I can change the way I work. But in all of those things, I am in charge. I control the change.

The next step in my Journey requires a submission to the work of Holy Spirit. It’s moving into something more unfamiliar. It’s giving permission to the relationship I have with God to manifest differently.

What does it really mean to be a believer, to love God with my whole heart, soul and mind? What does it really mean to love others, to love my neighbor as myself, to love unconditionally, to the love the unlovely (an not just on a mission trip, but every day).

My theme song for many years has been, “Refiner’s Fire.” But the dross is so familiar, so comfortable, and yet so meaningless in the bigger picture.

I’m still afraid.

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Grace Called Me and Changed Me

Posted in Random Thoughts, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2010| Leave a Comment »

It comes up a lot: grace. It is one of the greatest mysteries of the Christian faith and the least likely to be immediately understood. Grace is a power. Grace is a state of being. Grace is personal and specific. Grace is a gift. And Grace . . . is a change agent.

I Corinthians 15:9-10a
For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect . . .

As a believer, I can look back and say that grace has changed me during these years of following after Christ. That would only make sense since it’s all about God’s grace.

But, what about the time before? Can I understand that the really hard times before I accepted Christ were also about grace? Can I understand that losing my father at age nine included grace? Can I accept a bi-polar mother, poverty, loneliness, and a failed first marriage still had the mark of grace?

That is certainly the message of Paul, the great persecutor of the early Christians, a “pharisee of pharisees” [Acts 23:6], he thought he knew it all. He was an insider. And from his perspective, the followers of Jesus were desecrating the law, blaspheming against God, and disrupting a tenuously achieved “order.” He took it as a personal mission to destroy or incarcerate all followers of Christ. He was a righteous champion for God.

In many ways, after his conversion, he was still the same man: a man of passion and conviction. He was relentless before and after meeting Christ on the road to Damascus.

But all the while . . . he was under the banner of grace. And although he would carry the guilt and shame for those years of persecution and would have to face the friends and relatives of those he had killed, he also recognized the call that was there throughout his journey.

I feel the same way really. In the Methodist church, they call it “prevenient grace,” that time when God was putting together all the pieces, manifesting in ways unknown, unrecognizable, and yet, still present. For all of the tough times in my life, I have to admit I was graced with many strengths as well.

I am more like a little terrier dog that will not let go. I have persistence and I have energy. I have hope and I have resilience. These are also gifts of grace that I needed as I slogged through those early years without understanding and with a veil still covering the eyes of my heart.

None of us can assume where someone else is on this journey. God forgive my judgment of others. Help me recognize the hand of grace on them, just like it was on me.

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This Current Crisis

Posted in Time Up to Pentecost, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Other translations of this phrase are “this present distress” or “this present trouble.” The entire discussion on not marrying or marrying is about that moment in time. Paul believed the time was short. But we’re still here. And what is the application for us?

I Corinthians 7:26, 29a, 30b
Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. . . .What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. . . . For this world in its present form is passing away.

The commentaries are numerous on these passages and the emphasis is almost entirely on the attachments to worldly comforts and the responsibilities of a mate and/or children (I presume). And certainly, much can be said for being unattached to any of these things. But alas, I am neither. I am a wife, a mother, and culturally, I confess, I’m tethered to the conveniences of my world.

But for me, it’s the phrase about timing that intrigues me the most. Paul was pretty sure that Christ would return within his generation, if not within his lifetime. This, in itself, does reflect on the human-ness of Paul. He was wrong on this point, and in a big way. For him, the times were bad. Later, they got worse for that part of the world when the Romans besieged Jerusalem and destroyed it. That was certainly the end of the “their world in its present form.”

And what about our own crisis? What about our culture’s troubles? What would help? Only one thing, single or married, could make a difference. The practice of the presence of Christ. Nothing else. It is this presence within that has the power to change our responses to the world. It is the Christ spirit that is perceived as light. It is the love of God that transforms situations. When that is present, then the attachment to the world becomes less by default. Marriages remain whole. Singles remain trusting.

We cannot take on the outer trappings of Paul’s recommendations and expect change. For me, it must begin within.

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Overflowing Hope

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , on April 1, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Hope is already powerful in itself. There is a sustaining energy to hope that is unlike any other belief. With hope, anything and everything is possible. Now, imagine hope flowing over a glass like a carbonated drink. It’s exhilarating, really.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

When Jesus came into the world and revealed himself to a poor and hurting world, he was a beacon of hope. In our culture, unless people are fighting serious illness or sudden loss of livelihood, we don’t have as much appreciation for the power of hope. We have replaced the potency of hope with desire. But hope is much more dynamic than mere desire.

Hope is so strong it can live and grow in the worst circumstances. Hope needs no proof, no logic, no reasons. Hope needs no group and no training.

Hope begins with two simple words: I believe. And hope expands with two more: I trust.

I believe in a sovereign and loving God. I believe circumstances can change. I believe anything is possible. I believe in miracles.

Today, I want to re-imagine myself with undaunted hope. That kind of hope would, indeed, produce peace and joy. Yes, I can imagine that, even for me.

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A Lament

Posted in Lent, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2010| 2 Comments »

I think of Paul as a punctilious kind of teacher, quite linearly-minded, regimented, and formal. But then, he surprises me with this verbal requiem over a particular loss he feels in traveling the “new way” in Christ: losing the people and all that was familiar to him to “boldly go” and explore this “strange new world.”

Romans 9:1a, 2
I [Paul] AM speaking the truth in Christ. I am not lying; . . . I have bitter grief and incessant anguish in my heart. [Amplified]

I remember the weeks after I first became a follower of Christ. Even though I was clear about my choice and more than willing to venture forth, I also experienced a type of grief. Who would I be? How would this new way look? Would I lose all of my old friends? Would I have to conform to behaviors that didn’t feel like me because I agreed to follow this Messiah?

But, as the true adventure took hold, a joy and confidence grew within. My spirit was shooting off and I knew, despite any lingering questions and doubts and even grief, this was the way. I started telling everyone my story. But there were only a few who wanted to listen. I had to let go of them because I understood, they were no different than I had been. In the years before my spirit woke up, I had considered the Christian way old-fashioned, ineffectual, narrow-minded, and confining. Their discovery would be in God’s time. I cannot say, even to this day, why the planets aligned and I had that revelation glimpse of Christ. Others would say that I was chosen (one of the elect), but I find that too prideful to say. All have the potential to Christ.

Paul had his own supernatural experience on the road to Damascus and subsequent miracle when his eyesight was restored through the prayer of a man who should have feared being in the same room with Paul, a former enemy because of his faith in Jesus. [Acts 9:10-17] Paul was the least likely conversion.

As I walk through Paul’s writings, his dominant proof message is that Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah. For Paul, this was the whole point! And he could not fathom why his own people didn’t “see” what he saw, didn’t understand what he understood, didn’t accept what he had accepted. They had all the information, the genealogy, the promises, and the prophecies.

But to accept the Messiah meant changing everything. It was easier to keep waiting for the Messiah than to consider he might have come.

My lament is that many people see the trappings of Christianity and cannot project themselves into that perceived lifestyle. They are actually rejecting what they assume it means to become a follower on the Way. But I know now that accepting Christ doesn’t have to “look like that.” The first step is to open the inner door and simply allow God to direct the way.

There is always some loss in change, but there is also gain.

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A Young Man’s Courage

Posted in Advent, tagged , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Paul had a nephew who was following in his “Pharisee” family tradition apparently. As a result, he was present when the Sanhedrin and 40 men plotted to ambush and kill Paul. That young man, unnamed, changes Paul’s course. Who’s life will I change… who will change mine?

Acts 23:16
But when the son of Paul’s sister heard of this plot, he went into the barracks and told Paul.

Over and over again, I am astounded by the impact of one person’s courage. In a recent post by Seth Godin, he wrote of the power to affect change by corralling 1000 people into action. And I think that is very compelling, but then, I read about the impact of one person in a single moment that changes everything.

If Paul had been ambushed that day, the New Testament would be totally different. Many of Paul’s writings would be lost. His legacy and witness to the gentiles would have been diminished.

And in all of this, Paul had no control whatsoever. He had no idea what was happening. The situation was being molded completely outside of his knowledge.

How many events and people are operating right now that may collide with my own life? Will there be a turn in my future when I go out shopping today? Will someone cross my path who will unlock something critical in my understanding of God… of life? Or will I be the catalyst for someone else? Will I have the courage to act if the situation is dangerous?

I don’t believe Paul’s nephew was a believer or follower of Christ. But he recognized evil and he was moved by his own personal sense of right and wrong; he warned his uncle of the plot. Who knows what else prompted him to act? We’ll never know. Perhaps he loved his uncle… perhaps he spoke to his mother first and her love for her brother trumped everything else. It’s fun to speculate.

Today, I want to be mindful of those around me. Give me courage today to act when necessary. And if I am on the receiving end of a dramatic shift in my circumstances, may I be at peace knowing that this too is within the sovereign will and grace of God. Plus, my change may be the opportunity for someone else to exhibit his/her own courage.

Oh yes, we are woven together. I am grateful for our God, the weaver of life and death.

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Keeping My Heart Open

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2009| 2 Comments »

Acts 16:14b
… The Lord opened her [Lydia] heart to respond to Paul’s message.

Revelation… truth… understanding… none of these can happen without an open heart and it is God who makes this happen. It’s not that we can’t open our own hearts, we can. Unfortunately, we usually don’t realize how closed off we really are. We assume our hearts are open… after all, what does a closed heart even look like?

I imagine a closed heart like a fortress, like the keep of a castle, the last line of defense… it is the stronghold. The heart can be like an entire castle for our normal activities and relationships; we open and close the drawbridge, we let people and ideas come in and out. But the stronghold is not open to just anyone. And sometimes, no one is allowed inside at all. And if we have collected assumptions, secrets, memories, untruths, misconceptions, pain, and prejudices, they are stored in there to keep them “safe.” If the storage areas are full, some of this stuff will pour out through the window slits and cracks and affect our daily lives. But generally, we manage to keep all that stuff inside. It is, after all, way too dangerous to let anyone inside, just opening the door may let too much out.

When I hit forty, my stronghold was so full that it was not just leaking out, it was spewing out periodically like a volcano. I often felt like I would explode, literally. I would sob uncontrollably. I would walk outside in some lonely place and just scream and scream until my throat was raw. My thoughts were jumbled up. I was like a lone survivor in an ocean trying to hold on to a life boat, but with no clue how to get in. I really thought I was going crazy.

I am grateful for the counselors, pastors, and friends who held me up during this difficult time of my life. The very thing I feared the most was the very thing I needed to do: open the keep… open the stronghold. Finally, I asked Jesus to do this work. I could not. When the door finally opened, it was not pretty. Eventually, equilibrium was achieved.

And after awhile, I thought the work was done. The proof was in my fresh energy and sense of renewal. It was during these healing years that we adopted our children, moved into a different house, changed jobs, I got a second master’s degree, I met new people and allowed new ideas to filter in.

But what was considered new then has become somewhat entrenched in my stronghold again. It is not as full as before. It is not as volatile. But I am aware that the door of my heart/my stronghold has been swinging shut more than I would like. And so, I ask my God this day, to keep my heart open. Give me courage to embrace people… all different kinds of people… authentically. Give me faith that you will sift ideas for me. Give me revelation knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. Give me trust that Jesus will always be my doorkeeper.

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