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Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Captive Thoughts

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2010| 4 Comments »

Who wants to be held captive? Just the idea of it makes me want to run the other way. Like most people of our culture, this sounds like the opposite of freedom. Ah, it’s another paradox of the faith: captivity is freedom in the realm of Christ.

II Corinthians 10:5
[Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) . . . [Amplified]

I remember visiting a church once and being totally turned off. The message was about the “mind” and all its evils. The mind was the whole problem, he said. The mind caused every sin and every mistake. The mind was to blame. Both Mike and I walked out of there to never return. At that time, we equated the mind with intelligence, creativity, and logic, not evil.

But now, I think I have a clearer understanding of the mind’s role in my faith. The mind is the initiator of all things: both good and bad. The spark of an idea comes from the mind. Christ dwells in the mind as well, but without a whip. The mind must be tamed with love.

To bring the mind into captivity is to harness the thoughts that may initiate the wrong direction, a poorly conceived plan and unintended consequences.

The mind is where resentments can grow unfettered. The mind is where “Pete and Repeat” live: they go over and over the words someone said to me or what I should have said back or worse, reminding me of what I did or said that hurt others. Pete and Repeat live in a cesspool of words and feelings.

There are two possible solutions. One is to use the Jesus duct and to allow that cesspool to drain periodically. If not, it gets so full, eventually, one way or another, that stuff starts building a home in the heart and coming out of the mouth. The second solution is to put those thoughts and words and feelings into captivity first, before they get too powerful, too sullen, too belligerent, too stubborn to remain corralled.

My picture of such a thing is a corral with little delinquents running around, hurting each other with name calling, punching and the like. And there is Jesus walking among them, laying a hand here or there, touching a head, or blowing away the hurt like a mom does for her little baby who fell down. He sits in the middle of the muck and slowly, their curiosity gets the better of them and they come closer and closer, to listen, to touch, to be healed, and to be renewed.

This captivity is a place where broken things are made whole again.

I yield.

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Love Without Measure

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on August 2, 2010| Leave a Comment »

One thing that Jesus had going that Paul did not: lack of expectations. In these verses, I hear Paul’s own disappointment and frustration. “What more can I do for you?” He’s human. . . just like me.

II Corinthians 6:11-13
We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.

How many women get frustrated at their children and mates for a lack of appreciation of the sacrifices? Periodically there are rather humorous stories of women going on strike to “wake up” their families. “Look what I’m doing here!!!!” Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Relationships often suffer from these inequalities.

Unfortunately, love has no such guarantees. We can do and love and serve but we cannot limit our doing and loving and serving to the degree of reciprocity. We’ll always be disappointed.

Oh, if I could really get this truth into my heart. If I could stop looking out for evidence of their love for me. It’s not my job to measure. Help me this day to love without fear.

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I’ve got a Lawyer

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2010| Leave a Comment »

The whole idea of the “judgment seat” has always given me pause. Today, as I encountered this verse, I wondered again, would I be shuttled off to the “left side” with the goats? [Matthew 25:31] But then it occurred to me: Hey, I’ve got a lawyer.

II Corinthians 5:10
For we must all appear and be revealed as we are before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive [his pay] according to what he has done in the body, whether good or evil [considering what his purpose and motive have been, and what he has achieved, been busy with, and given himself and his attention to accomplishing]. [Amplified]

I think there will still be a conversation and revelations about this life of mine (in the body). I’ll understand my mistakes in a way that I have never understood them before. I’ll be able to see the right turns as well as the wrong turns. I’ll learn how my actions manifested in the lives of others. I’ll get the whole picture.

There will be confession and forgiveness. There will be joy and appreciation. There will be knowledge.

And although I’m sure there will be an great array of missteps and even rebellion, my advocate will step forward and the one choice I made to follow, as best I could, the Christ, will be my defense.

Thanks be to God.

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Fixing my Eyes on the Unseen

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , on July 25, 2010| Leave a Comment »

There must be a trick: how do I look at something intently that I cannot see? It must be the reverse then. In other words, it’s not so much that I am to fix my eyes on the unseen as much as I am NOT to fix my eyes on the seen. It’s a little like the old mantra, “it’s only a movie, it’s only a movie.”

II Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

This is not an easy task. The “seen” is all around me. Everyday life is constantly presenting itself to me in one form or another Circumstances are doing their best to surround me.

Tasks, responsibilities, jobs, lists, chores, and duties assail me every day. And what about the people: children, significant others, parents, grandparents, extended family, neighbors, co-workers, supervisors, subordinates, church friends, non-church friends, enemies, club friends, organization friends, acquaintances, and strangers. They all require my attention. They are all part of my “seen” world. Oh, and what about the state of world: the wars, the tragedies, the killings, the weather, corporate crime, drug lords, benevolent dictators, not so benevolent dictators, congress, criminals, statesmen, presidents and their wives and their children, and on and on and on. Should I mention the inanimate objects? I don’t think I can bear it.

And yet, the message is clear: these things are temporary. Jobs will change, people will die, governments will collapse, technology will fail. Like the seed that must die to bear a fruit, all of these things will die to produce the next generation . . . whether it’s people, ideas, or gizmos.

My eyes need to look elsewhere. My “eyes” need to look within. More often than not, this actually requires me to close my eyes. This is why we usually pray for eyes closed, to block out the “seen” and to give ourselves a chance to glimpse the unseen. I must choose.

The seen world is the one that causes anxiety and fear. The unseen world of the Holy Spirit is a world of peace and order and love. Forgiveness happens in the unseen world. Freedom too.

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Transformation

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010| Leave a Comment »

With each day that the veil of my heart is down, the more accessible and available I am for transformation and change. Isn’t that why I keep pulling the veil back up? Transformation is not easy. Old things must pass away and the new is unpredictable.

II Corinthians 3:18
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I have always considered myself as some kind of agent for change. It’s even part of my personal mission statement, “to inspire meaningful change . . . ” But when it’s my own change, my own transformation, I am a little more reluctant. Oh, I can change my hair, my weight, my clothes, and all the other external trappings. I can change my job and change my tasks. I can change the way I work. But in all of those things, I am in charge. I control the change.

The next step in my Journey requires a submission to the work of Holy Spirit. It’s moving into something more unfamiliar. It’s giving permission to the relationship I have with God to manifest differently.

What does it really mean to be a believer, to love God with my whole heart, soul and mind? What does it really mean to love others, to love my neighbor as myself, to love unconditionally, to the love the unlovely (an not just on a mission trip, but every day).

My theme song for many years has been, “Refiner’s Fire.” But the dross is so familiar, so comfortable, and yet so meaningless in the bigger picture.

I’m still afraid.

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Relying on God

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 11, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Why should I rely on God? Hmmm, that should be a no-brainer. You know, God, the who who raises people from the dead? God, the Spirit. God within. God of the kingdom: all there and available to me. And yet, I still try to to work it out alone, to go my own way.

II Corinthians 1:9b-11
But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.

The faith walk includes a submission to the Spirit within.

The story of Eve, whether viewed as an actual event or an allegory, is about the decision a person must make, either to broker all knowledge alone and to “be like God” [Genesis 3:5] or to trust God and not necessarily understand everything that happens but follow all the same.

I believe there is world space different than the 3-D world we can see, touch, and smell. That world is Spirit.

But how do I connect to this “other” world? That is the whole point, isn’t it? That is the reason believers have been meeting together over the millenniums. That is the reason for the “spiritual disciplines.” That is the reason for prayer (inner talking and dialogue with Spirit). That is the reason for a Christ, the way.

What’s also interesting in this brief passage is the allusion to the prayers of others has having direct impact on the process. When I pray for another person on his/her journey, circumstances, and perils, I am actually helping that person stay on the path and recognize the way.

Sometimes it’s easier to rely on God to work and do for someone else than for oneself. It’s a good enough place to start. In either case, I must acknowledge God to be God and I may not understand all of that. In fact, I know I don’t. But revelation does not come without commitment and trust.

One cannot believe without a willingness to believe.

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In the Face of Despair

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , on July 10, 2010| 6 Comments »

No, I have not faced despair to the point of facing death. My life is blessed. What are my struggles compared to walking streets where a car bomb could go off at any moment or looking into the eyes of my starving children each day or living in a tent city or carrying water for miles in plastic water jugs?

II Corinthians 1:8b-9
We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

I understand the theory of trusting God in the face of despair. I understand that God is present for the poorest of the poor, for the loneliest of the lonely, the widows and orphans, the lost. But I have only witnessed these lives from afar. Even when I went to Africa, I was in a cocoon of safety.

In Namibia, I spent one afternoon at the Mafuta village where our church-sponsored children’s home was providing a lunch to the local school children. And I was touched by their need, their struggle. And yet, these were better off than many. They were being fed while many others elsewhere are not.

Would I have the courage to trust in God in the face of true despair? Would I be able to hold fast to my faith?

It is the reason I am still in awe of Mother Teresa when she served in Calcutta. She faced the despair of others every day. But she was able to sustain herself in Christ. Only her faith in God allowed her to rise each day and touch the dead and dying. To be the hands of love. She could not bring hope, even. Just tenderness and love in the face of despair.

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