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Posts Tagged ‘transformation’

A Hindering Reputation

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , on October 28, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 9:26
When he came to Jerusalem, he [Saul] tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple.

Reputation is a tricky phenomenon. A good, strong reputation can be destroyed quickly while a bad reputation is almost impossible to reverse. Once a good reputation is ruined, it is even more difficult to recover from it.

Ten years ago, I remember an employee review where my supervisor indicated that I needed to be more tactful with co-workers and colleagues. I knew this was an important concern and although it was hard to accept, I took the criticism seriously and worked at changing that behavior. Unfortunately, despite all of my efforts, the person who gave me this criticism continues to refer to this trait of mine as a “given” to this day. In that person’s eyes, I am abrupt and tactless and nothing I do changes her mind about me.

My teen daughter suffered a far worse judgment when a boy began passing around lies about her in school. These misrepresentations were repeated over and over again and although she has not dated the young man for over three years, the “reputation” has persisted.

I’m sure we can all tell a story or two of how our action or inaction has caused a flurry of stories which built into a controversial or suspect reputation.

When I accepted the “way of Jesus” in my late twenties, everyone who knew me was shocked. My reputation precluded my being a candidate for becoming a follower of Jesus. Many people did not think it was authentic. Even my family accused me of fad-following.

Saul has been known as a persecutor of believers. He had disciples arrested, tortured, and eventually killed by the authorities. His first reputation was a huge hindrance to sharing his new-found faith after his conversation experience.

But Saul soldiered on. He eventually discovered his own niche in the story of Jesus. And slowly, over many years, his reputation changed.

Instead of trying to change his reputation through words, he let his actions speak for themselves. He accepted his past and even included it into his teaching. He became an example of the transforming power that the Messiah can have on a life.

It’s impossible to “make” someone trust you. Trust is built over time and consistency of actions.

I cannot change another person’s view of me. I can be authentic and steadfast. And I can trust the faithfulness of God to change the opinions of others over time.

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Between Two Worlds

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 7:22, 25
Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action… Moses thought that his own people [Israelites] would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not.

I know what it means to be between two worlds… or more. I am a first generation American. My parents arrived in this country in 1951 and, as most immigrants do, they looked for a community of Latvians. They ended up in Indianapolis, Indiana where over 2500 Latvians had settled. Over the years, the Latvians built a community center and had various civic and religious organizations. But, when my father died, we were somewhat ostracized from that community and I never understood why and until much later in life.

You see, my mother is only half Latvian and half German. Her mother was German (as well as her step-mother), and in the end, her sympathies and traditions were more rooted in Germany. She had even “re-patrioted” to Germany before the war, a common practice by anyone with any German heritage. My parents actually met in Germany where my father was a prisoner of war and my mother worked as a translator because she was tri-lingual (German, Latvian & English).

In the end, within that Latvian community in Indianapolis, her Germanic roots and her widow status caused many a cold shoulder. As a result, we gravitated to the American society.

But that was not a smooth assimilation either. We were still foreigners. English was actually my second language as we primarily spoke Latvian in the home until after my father’s death. We were definitely different. My mother had a heavy accent and she had some eccentric ideas to say the least.

We lived between those two worlds, trying to juggle them. We attended events and made friends in both worlds, but we never felt truly a part. My brother and I finally chose one community over the other: we chose to become as American as possible and for many years, we both cast off our Latvian heritage.

My daughter, recently adopted from Russia as a teenager, is going through similar struggles. She doesn’t really fit into either world. Her Russian friends (and extended biological family) see her as a traitor of sorts for moving to this country and her American high school is less than embracing, mocking her accent and loopholes in cultural and language norms (by students as well as teachers). Her pain is palpable.

Moses was raised as an Egyptian… but he was an Israelite. He thought he would be embraced by the Israelites when he discovered his lineage and his background. They did not. His solution was to run away. He went to Midian and raised a family there. His solution was to cast aside both cultures and start over. I can understand that mindset.

We all know the story. God called Moses back to lead his people. God had prepared Moses for this task, specifically by placing one foot in each culture.

Someday, my daughter will discover the power of living and surviving the challenges of two cultures.

For myself, I have been more like Moses and I escaped into a different third world: the Christian world… a culture, up until recent years, all its own. But, like Moses, I feel God calling me back to integration.

I cannot run from the pain of my past. It is all part of who I am and who God wants me to become. All of the choices, the mistakes, as well as the victories and successes, are part of today. Those experiences made my today.

I choose wholeness for myself today… for my daughter… and for anyone who has struggled with any separation within.

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Wisdom and Opportunity

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2009| 1 Comment »

Acts 7:9b-10
But God was with him [Joseph] and rescued him from all his troubles. He gave Joseph wisdom and enabled him to gain the goodwill of Pharaoh king of Egypt; so he made him ruler over Egypt and all his palace.

They go hand in hand, wisdom and opportunity. It is opportunity that gives expression to wisdom.

I have missed so many opportunities to do or say something because of lack of wisdom. I simply did not know or recognize the moment of decision or worse, I recognized it too late.

In college, I was in a sorority and apparently, many of the sisters were active in Campus Crusade for Christ. At the same time that they started having meetings in our rec room, I started dating. I passed up several opportunities to attend one of those meetings in order to go out or hang out with my new boyfriend. Who would I be today if I had met Christ as a young adult?

In Chicago, when I was trying to get “into” the theater scene, I had my choice of small theater companies with which to align. I didn’t really think about it much nor consider my options and as a result, I chose unwisely. I missed out on working at the Steppenwolf Theatre that has since become part of the bedrock of professional theater in Chicago founded by such icons as Gary Sinise and John Malkovich.

The list goes on. We all make choices that redirect our lives. Granted, there is no way to know which road is really best. Hindsight is always easier than foresight.

But wisdom is a gift of God. And today, I have no excuse for missing a God-created opportunity. If I pursue my opportunities with prayer and meditation first, then I will be ready to choose.

O Lord, give me discernment and sensitivity to the circumstances of my life today and may wisdom be my sister-friend, whispering truth into my heart and soul.

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Looking to My History

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , on October 13, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 7:3
“Leave your country and your people,’ God said [to Abraham], ‘and go to the land I will show you.” [retold by Stephen]

All history has lessons and truth for us today, whether it is on a national, local or personal level. It is important to remember. It is important to tell the stories. It is important to learn from our histories. They put our present into perspective.

So much of who I am today is because of my past. Whether I like it or not, my decisions are all colored by my personal history. I cannot escape my past nor can I pretend these things did not happen.

The fact that my mother was the primary breadwinner and bi-polar while my aged father succumbed to alcoholism and died in my ninth year has colored every relationship I have ever had. Among other things, I learned from my mother fierce independence and self-preservation; from my father I carried away a distrust of men and a fear of abandonment. As a first generation American, I learned what it means to be “different” and an outsider. Growing up in a poor environment, I learned the importance of hard work and commitment.

There are so many things, it’s too difficult to enumerate them here. But my point is that these “history lessons” must be integrated into a life and tempered with the new information of today.

There are blessings and obstacles from the past. All must be remembered and assimilated.

I don’t believe we do enough remembering. Out of my broken past, I have lost much. I assume these lost memories have been locked away in a box somewhere deep inside of me. I am sorry now that I cannot retrieve them and address them as an adult.

But there is still a treasure of later memories. I have known Christ now the majority of my life. It is time to remember and tell the stories of this way that changed the very direction of my life. I am here today and alive (literally) because God touched me, beckoned to me and I followed.

Christ is my story. Christ is my history and my today and my tomorrow. It means something. This partnership changed everything.

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Miracles Keep Coming

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , on September 27, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 2:32
“God has raised this Jesus to life, and we are all witnesses of the fact.” [Peter speaking]

If it wasn’t enough that Jesus healed hundreds of people throughout his ministry, fed thousands with very little food, raised people from the dead, and in general, transformed the lives of those who came into contact with him, then he died and rose from the dead himself. That’s a miracle and that’s the point.

Jesus fulfilled the Jewish prophecies about the Messiah throughout his life, from birth to death and resurrection, and yet, unbelief abounded. They had heard of the promised Messiah and how he would bring change and miracles, but when it actually started happening, they said, “not like that.” The miracles (and changes) were not the ones they expected or wanted. Miracles can shake up a person’s world.

Miracles are not always tidy. Miracles challenge the norm. Miracles defy expectations. Miracles are outside of our control.

Of course, not every miracle is the parting of the waters or a blind man being able to see. Some miracles are very basic: people forgiving other people, marriages remade, illness overcome, families restored, addicts staying clean, babies born. Are these anything less than miraculous?

Today I acknowledge and give thanks for the everyday miracles in my life: abundant food to eat, my house and working vehicles, a stable job, a marriage still together despite the odds, my adopted children, my rescued pets, my good health, my faith, my family’s wealth compared to most of the world, my citizenship in a free and prosperous country (as an immigrant family, we could have ended up anywhere), my natural gifts and talents…. all miracles.

Tomorrow will bring something new. Anything can happen. Teach me Lord, to face each and every day with an expectation of your presence: the greatest miracle of all.

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Akeldama

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on September 23, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 1:19
And all the residents of Jerusalem became acquainted with the facts [about Judas], so that they called the piece of land in their own dialect–Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.

The Field of Blood was also called the Potter’s Field because some believed it to be the same place that Jeremiah visited the potter. “So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.” [Jeremiah 18:3-4]

Akeldama was used as a burial ground for “foreigners,” for strangers, and for betrayers. This is one of the hardest truths in the Bible for me: some people are destined for evil, some are destined to be buried in the Field of Blood, some are destined to be a marred pot.

God integrates evil into our lives and from these experiences, we grow, we change, we adapt, and we learn. These are the hard lessons of life. But what of the one who is the tool of evil?

Is there a moment in that life when he/she has a choice? Can this destiny be aborted by faith? Can the one turn and cry out for mercy? Or is the the mercy extended only after the fact? Is it forgiveness that brings a destiny of evil around to hope?

I don’t know the answers.

From my few years working with a potter’s wheel, I know a pot can be re-fashioned with the same clay… but only up to a point. Eventually, the clay becomes hard, unwieldy and unusable. Usually, a potter will not throw out the clay until it’s hopeless.

Keep me pliable today. Give me mindfulness toward those who struggle with their destinies, that they might turn before Akeldama becomes an unavoidable fate.

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He’s Really Coming Back?

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , on September 22, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Acts 1:11
Men of Galilee,” they [men in white] said, “why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.”

When I was in high school I had to take a city bus to school, which was about 2.5 miles from my home. Each morning I would walk about 5 blocks to the bus stop and wait for a bus. I remember a mission church there at the corner that had a marquis (which in mind was the weirdest thing ever) and on it, in bold letters, was written: “Jesus is Coming Soon!”

I wasn’t much of a Christian back then. I attended a Latvian church with my family, but it was all ritual and hypocrites as far as I was concerned. But one thing I was pretty sure of, Jesus had already come and these folks were sorely deluded.

I never got this “coming back” message. There just wasn’t that much emphasis on the idea and certainly, people weren’t living their lives as though they really believed Jesus would return. Of course, it didn’t help that my mother was getting caught up in all kinds weirdness back then and started reading all the Erich Von Daniken books (she was pretty sure Jesus was an alien and would come back in a starship).

It’s been over 2,000 years… is he really coming back? But that is the promise. According to scripture, his coming back is at the end of this age. Well meaning people have been predicting his return ever since he left. In modern times, it was during the second World War (Hitler being the anti-Christ), then later, the turn of the century (Y2K), or now things are really heating up with the 2012 phenomenon. Is one date any more reliable than another?

But the actual coming, no matter how dramatic or not, is a little late in the process. Once he does return, whether today, tomorrow or in the next turn of the century, the real issue will be what we have done with the time. [Matthew 25]

People don’t really feel an urgency of life until they (or their loved ones) are truly facing illness and death. Then, it’s clear: time is precious, life is to be lived, and people are to be loved fully.

We adults accuse teenagers of having their heads in the sand about the future, but are we much better? We don’t really believe it will happen to us. We don’t really believe that turning point could happen today.

What would I do differently today if I believed it was my last day? Carpe Diem.

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