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Posts Tagged ‘acceptance’

Favoritism = Judging

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 23, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Favoritism with ice cream is a lot different than favoritism with people. Oh I might try not to judge people on first impressions but I find it inescapable. Can I overcome these moments with intentional action?

James 2:1, 4
My brothers [and sisters], as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism. . . . have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

Some years ago when we still lived in Atlanta, we attended a small church composed mostly of fellow believers who had been asked to split away from a larger denominational church because of our bent toward the charismatic. One of our leaders, Jim, was a wonderful man, kind and dignified, smart and loving. I will never forget the day he taught about enthusiasm: “If you want to be enthusiastic, sometimes you just have to act enthusiastic to feel it.” And then he proceeded to stomp and cheer and pump his arms around like a lunatic. It was hysterical but his message stayed with me.

Personally, enthusiasm comes easily to me. In fact, when I’m excited about a project, I’m quite the cheerleader, almost nauseatingly so, I’m sure. But how can I take that passionate commitment to action and use it to break down my internal tendencies toward judging others through intentional choices to change?

Some people call it a “besetting sin.” When I looked that up, it can also mean a type of harassment, or being surrounded, or an obsession. I can certainly relate to my judging of others in that way. My time in confessional prayers is dominated by asking forgiveness for my judgments. And in my way of thinking, judgment and favoritism go hand in hand. I cannot “favor” one person above the other without having made a negative of judgment of the other.

What to do? I know I can’t just tell myself to stop. If that worked, I’d be golden by now. Should I treat it as a bad habit and follow these 29 Tips for Changing a behavior?

Here are some suggestions from Oprah.com (go figure) written by Tim Jarvis. At first I was going to make a joke about it, but perhaps I need to take a few of these ideas to heart:

  • Like the Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, it may take a number of efforts to get to the “boiling point” or threshold when things happen. So, in my case, the more I tackle this issue, the more aware I am and the more opportunities to get over the hump.
  • I need to think more about the other side, what it would look like and feel like to “not” be a judge so much. Instead of looking back at my failures, look ahead.
  • One of the approaches for change is to engage in community. This is why groups like Weight Watchers and Alcoholics Anonymous are so important: support and encouragement. Hmmm. Not sure how to translate my habit of the heart into a club of regenerated judges.

A friend of mine who struggles with food addiction says that this is one of the most difficult addictions to tackle. After all, unlike alcohol and drugs which can, to some degree be avoided, food is always with us. I think judging and dis-favoring others is similar. People are everywhere. I say that I love to “people watch,” but I wonder if that’s not just a buzz word for judging, mocking, and categorizing. Not a good thing.

What do you do? Honestly. Am I really alone out here?

Lord, forgive me again. Today. And right now, I’d appreciate it.

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Long Lasting Possessions

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2011| 1 Comment »

“Confiscation of property” goes back a long, long time in the guise of political necessity or religious cleansing. Could I let go of my stuff willingly in the face of injustice?


Hebrews 10:34
You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.

As a first generation American, stories abounded at the dinner table about the terrible losses our family and their friends suffered at the hands of both the Nazis and Communists during WWII.

When I met my half-sister for the first time in Latvia, 1997, she regaled me with stories about “our” father in his youth and then the terrible time of flight from oncoming forces, first from the West and then from the East. Karlis, in fear of conscription, fled his farmland and hoped his wife and child would be safe enough. Instead, the communists came through and took the land, giving the women only a few days to gather what they could carry and flee to the city of Riga. Once there, they were never united with my father again, who was caught by the Germans and forced into service as a guard.

They lost everything. This is just one family’s story, but of course, just a quick look at a newspaper shows entire villages fleeing for their lives, bundles piled upon their heads. They take what they can carry and no more.

What would I take? What is the most valuable? Would I lug out my laptop or my hard drive? Albums of pictures? My bible? Which clothes? How much can I really carry? Would I get the cat carriers, the dog leashes, the plant I’ve nurtured over 30 years of marriage?

No. Not really. These are the things of the “matrix.” No matter how tender I may feel toward them all, there is really just life itself and faith in the eternal Spirit.

One of my favorite Ann Tyler books is Ladder of Years: the main character walks away from her family and leaves everything, including them, during a beach vacation. Naturally, she causes her family some chaos and pain and concern, but for me, the tantalizing part is her slow discovery of self without the stuff that had come to rule her identity. She walked until she couldn’t walk anymore. She hitched a ride, she ended up in a boarding house room and there she stayed for a long time. She had nothing. And yet, she had everything she needed to live on.

Sometimes it’s a storm, a Tsunami, a tornado, that takes away our possessions. And there is no way to minimize the dreadful sense of loss. And yet, if life remains, then spirit remains, and anything is possible next.

Will that day of challenge come into my life still? Could be. Yes. Could be.

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Wavy Glass

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2010| 2 Comments »

Photo by Mark Dodge Medlin

Paul refers to the “old self” as those behaviors, those superficial external actions that cloud and deceive the person within. I think of this old self as wavy glass, that glass we can sometimes see in the windows of historic houses. It’s beautiful in some ways, but truthfully it distorts, both looking as well as looking out.


Ephesians 4:22-24a
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, . . .

Wavy glass is transparent enough to be able to see what is on the other side, it’s just not clear. There are people all around me who are presenting this distorted self, yet unaware that they are doing it. With just a little extra effort, I could see the truth of what is there, just no detail.

It is not for me to break the glass, as though I know best because I am in relationship with the Christ. I think it better to say, “I see you” through acceptance and understanding and patience. Too often, I look at behaviors and appearance and language and thereby “write off” the other. Jesus was our model here: eating and drinking with “sinners.”

Jesus was/is clear glass. Everyone could see inside. That was the draw, the attraction.

I wish I could say that I was clear glass. But I’m getting better. Slowly. It’s a process.

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Intentional Redemption

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Whatever God gives, it’s given on purpose: salvation, forgiveness, healing, anointing, power, revelation, and more. All of these gifts are given according to his understanding of what is needed, when and why. Our leap of faith is accepting the timing.

Ephesians 1:7-8
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

It’s a trust issue. Do I trust God to give me what I really need or am I always looking for God to give me what I want in the moment?

And why is it so hard for me to remember that what I already have was given in the same spirit? I was redeemed 32 years ago. I had an epiphany, a revelation of the Christ and the necessity for the veil to be taken down. I was offered a relationship with God that was unlike any other relationship I had or would ever have in this 3-D world. I was invited to partake of the universal “Body.”

I needed that moment back then. And now, along the way, oh God, help me to see the other moments. Help me to recognize the gifts you gave and to return thanks. Help me to appreciate this path instead of complaining about the conditions of the way. There are so many other ways things could have gone.

If I were totally surrendered to your wisdom and understanding, I would know true joy. I still can, right? The invitation has never been snatched away. Today is just another example of the story we are making of my life.

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Compelled to Follow

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2010| Leave a Comment »

There are times in a person’s life that he/she feels compelled, for the sake of faith, to act. I don’t think we can know when that moment will come, but we cannot help but recognize it in hindsight.


II Corinthians 5:14
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.

The first compelling moment of this kind comes at the Christ recognition moment: to accept or not to accept the truth of Him. At least for me, it wasn’t a casual decision. I simply had to choose, as though Jesus was sitting beside me saying, “But what about you?” . . . “Who do you say I am?” [Mark 8:29a] The question had been lingering at the back of my mind as I read through the New Testament. There was so much in that read-through I found unbelievable, frustrating, and even misogynist, but the identity of Jesus, that was becoming more and more plausible, not less. I could not deny Him.

After that day, there were more times I had to “fess up” to believing in that Jesus of Nazareth as the long-awaited Messiah. “For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” [Romans 10:10] Some of my friends were shocked, some were belligerent, some were curious, but few were compelled to do what I did, to make that leap of faith. I didn’t understand.

My immediate family saw my new found Christ-consciousness as a passing fad. Unlike legwarmers over jeans, rat tail hair, and the “Where’s the Beef?’ commercial, my faith did not go away. I am still compelled to follow after thirty years.

It’s taken me a long time to realize I cannot compel another person to believe in the Messiah. There are no rules, no “four spiritual laws,” no “evangelism explosion,” no memorized verses, no descriptions of hell and damnation that will “do the trick.” I can only share my story.

Along the way, my faith has taken me down a number of unexpected paths: I married a man after a three-day whirlwind; I created two scripture-based performance pieces I toured over many years, I adopted three children with my husband of twenty-five years, I traveled to Africa in mission, I have taught and spoken to both small groups and crowds on the ways of God, I have led in a variety of para-church organizations, I continue to read extensively, I have been a mentor, a bible teacher, and a Sunday School teacher, I have been a worship leader, a counselor, and a prayer partner, I have fasted, been on silent retreats, and clowned for Christ in white face. I have danced, cried, laughed, and fallen over in the spirit. I have spoken in tongues, sung in the spirit, and prayed for healings.

I am compelled to seek the deeper way. I am compelled to know the Christ within. And my life continues to evolve. My journey is far from over. There will be more. I give thanks.

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Holy Adaptation

Posted in Feast Days and Holy Days, tagged , , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2010| 2 Comments »

Since I struggle with chameleon tendencies, I have been uncomfortable with Paul’s assertion to “become all things to all men” to win them to the faith. But then I realized: non-judgmentalism comes with adaptation. And that’s the crux of it all.

I Corinthians 9:22b
I have [in short] become all things to all men, that I might by all means (at all costs and in any and every way) save some [by winning them to faith in Jesus Christ] [Amplified]

Paul consciously chose to adapt to the people around him; he was not pretending to be someone else to be liked. He chose to “be” with people fully. Jesus did the same thing. He spoke to be understood. He genuinely listened. He was present in the moment.

Adapting does not necessarily mean imitating. It’s not necessary to speak crassly to be around people who do. Nor does it mean I must smoke, use drugs, or drink because they do. But, it does mean I can’t condemn them for their way of speech or habits. It is accepting them where they are right now that makes the whole difference.

I am personally sensitive to cursory attention. When I am out of my own comfort zone, around wealthier people or people with greater authority or power, I am aware of my non-status in some of their eyes and demeanor. And I yet, I think I do the same thing to others who don’t measure up to my own internally set standards. God forbid.

People don’t want my pity, my sympathy, or my indulgence. All of these come with an assumption that I have it better than they do, either by luck or perseverance. And yet, does that make me better?

It goes back to the “sacred other.” It goes back to the heart of humanity. Instead of identifying differences, I want to be seeking for similarities.

As babies, we were all seeking the same thing: safety. And that safety was demonstrated to us by a primary caregiver. If we didn’t get that then, we are still looking for it as children, teens, or adults.

Am I a place of safety for others? Can I become one? Isn’t this part of my mission as a believer? To manifest acceptance and safety: “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” [Psalm 32:7] “My [Jesus’s] prayer is not that you [God] take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.” [John 17:15]

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All Things are Mine

Posted in Time Up to Pentecost, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2010| Leave a Comment »

We each have what is needed to become what God intends. Our destiny is fueled by our giftings, environment, genealogy, and circumstances. Do I like that idea? Not much. I keep trying to run away from my past, my trials, and my circumstances.

I Corinthians 3:21-23
So let no one exult proudly concerning men [boasting of having this or that man as a leader], for all things are yours, Whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas (Peter), or the universe or life or death, or the immediate and [a] threatening present or the [subsequent and uncertain] future–all are yours, And you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s. [Amplified]

For years, I kept searching for the right church, the right leader/teacher, the right community, the right books. I’d hear about incredible anointings upon this church or that church, this leader or that leader and ask God why I didn’t have access to these experiences. I’d read about miracles and outpourings, but always from afar. And with the advent of lightspeed communications, I could hear and see all of these things happening elsewhere.

It’s like daydreaming about winning the lottery. Oh, if only I had a million bucks, then I could really do something good. Why, Lord, I’d even tithe 10% of that million. There’s generosity. And I’ll send another 10% overseas to the missions our church supports in Africa. And then I’ll pay off my debts. I know you want me to do that, it’s scriptural. And then I’ll sock some away for my kids’ education. But once I get past these obligations, I can rub my hands together and really have some spending fun.

When will I get it?

Look in the mirror. This is what I have: my health (for today), my age, my family, my knowledge, my work, my friends, my church, my neighborhood, my pets, my “stuff,” my faith. . . ah, my Redeemer, who really owns all of these things. Remember, I surrendered myself to God. That included the whole package, what it was then and what it became through the years and ultimately, what it will be.

This day, I have everything I need to serve God. It’s up to me to accept all the challenges and circumstances and to live, really live this day fully and to apply all I know to it. I am not a president or a preacher. I am not world renown. I am not a celebrity. I am me and I am called to live this day completely in the name of the One God. That’s all. That’s enough.

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