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Posts Tagged ‘beginnings’

Lonely Gardener

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 1, 2012| 1 Comment »

Two things: from the beginning, it was always God’s intention that humans should work. I never noticed it before, that “Adam” was put in the garden of Eden to tend it, his first real job. The last garden I tried to create showed me how much real work goes into sowing and growing. And secondly, “Adam” (or man … or human) was lonely without someone else of his kind (human) to do this work. That tells me that relationships are important to people. We do better together.

Genesis 2:15; 18a
The Lord God took the man [human] and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. . . The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man [human] to be alone. . .

Just like the Karate Kid, I’m guessing that Adam’s gardening gig held many unexpected byproducts of learning. Gardening teaches the cycle of life, patience, diligence, perceptiveness, creativity, consequences, and so forth. I know just enough about gardening to know how little I know. It’s one of those things I’ve always thought should have an apprentice program for those who really want to learn it. Oh, I suppose I could read a book about it, and over time, I’d learn by trial and error. But to have a master gardener next door who would be able to show and explain along the way, season by season, now that would be awesome.

The alternative, I suppose, would be to have a gardening buddy. Even if we were both novices, we would be tackling it together, discussing possibilities, sharing the workload, being encouraged, celebrating successes or mourning losses. In either case, two can learn, both from the experience as well as from one another.

The way of Christ is the same. Any spiritual way yields more fruit with a partner. I have neglected this aspect of walk for some time. I have tried to go it alone, thinking no one would be interested in cultivating what I wanted to cultivate. But maybe that’s the point, maybe it’s ok for me to want to plant perennials while another plants annuals. Or maybe I want to plant watermelons that spread out everywhere and my garden friend wants to plant potatoes deep in the earth. Isn’t the garden enhanced by both? As long as the dirt is good and nutrition filled, as long as there is water and sunlight, many different things can grow together.

I need to stop being a “spiritual snob.”

 

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Creation Story & Me

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2012| 3 Comments »

Based on Genesis 1:1-31

Here’s what I’m thinking: there is a pattern to the creation story that can be replicated in my own spiritual renewal journey. The one I started yesterday. Again. Of course, each day is a new journey and each valley makes for a different trek up the next mountain. I know that. But for the sake of reflection, here’s what I picked up from the 7 day model.

Day One: Light, or discovery. See Renewal and Light post. It’s when a person realizes that something has to change.

Day Two: Separation (like light & darkness, water & sky). It’s really a way to get some order out of chaos. This will be my next challenge and it would be lovely if it would only take a day, but I’m thinking I’ll be at this stage for awhile. Everything got away from me and it’s time to do some sorting: save, toss, or give away. Those are the choices.

Day Three: Growth. Once there’s a little order, then there’s breathing space for growth (vegetation started on this day) and I can see how important it will be to build on what I discover.

Day Four: Time and Milestones. When God placed the sun and the moon and the stars, in my mind, these became a type of measurement. Time was established and the rhythms of life. And so it is in a time of renewal. As there is growth, then there need to be milestones and landmarks along the way. That’s the way I’ll be able to remember. It’s important to mark the time.

Day Five: Multiplication. This is interesting to me that the multiplication part actually starts before the big Kahuna was created (human beings). So, that means, that while I am growing and marking my development, I will also be multiplying “self.” That is, the self that I am becoming, the learnings, the developments, the comprehension, and maybe, if I can sustain this journey, the wisdom.

Day Six: Human (in God’s image). That’s huge. True humanity is true holiness and godliness. I’d love to think I could “arrive” at human one day, but instead, I know, there are only glimpses on this side of heaven (as it were). But there are moments and in those moments, there is love and kindness and generosity and thoughtfulness and patience and transparency and selflessness and yes, even sacrifice. That is Human to which God wants us to aspire.

Day Seven: Rest. Selah (pause and calmly think about that).

And then start all over again. Thanks God for taking me along this way again. Thanks for giving me a “Way” to you. You laid it out even before you sent the Christ.

Glory be to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

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Malaise in Writing and Prayer

Posted in Random Thoughts, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2012| 2 Comments »

Some people call it writer’s block, but for me,  it’s more like malaise. I looked it up: “a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort.” I’ve had it for the last month (or more) and I have put less than 500 words (or prayers) to page. This is not good. I need to get back on some solid ground.

Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Here’s a bit of confession: I haven’t felt like writing. It’s a grievous mistake, I know, because writing (like prayer) cannot be done out of feelings alone. It’s a discipline. A persistence. A slogging-on despite the circumstances. My favorite metaphor for endurance and doggedness leaps up: the tortoise of Tortoise & Hare fame. But you see, I have given way to the Hare again, round and round and round I go, no closer to the finish line, and off the path.

Another confession: if I am not writing, you can assume I’m not praying. The two have gone hand in hand for the last several  years and apparently, the Muse has departed, the Spirit hides behind a cloud, and the galloping horse of time has whipped through my apparently delicate balance of personal retreat with both God and Muse and daily life.

It’s not that daily life is a bad thing. I’ve had an amazing number of experiences and involvements over the past six weeks, from travel to Europe to visit extended family to my Navy son visiting for two weeks and second trip out west. Each agenda was full of laughter and joy and healing. I was much blessed. But. . . I took no time alone. Each day I hit the ground running and every minute was loaded. And really, that’s not so bad in itself. I know. But, once I returned to the days and minutes of normalcy and anticipated routine, I had no anchored place or time. I no longer retreated to my favorite chair (or if I did, I woke up an hour later) and I no longer had a plan for study since I just completed my New Testament journey of echoes, prayers, and meditations. Everything has come to a point all at once and, since my way is unclear, I am still standing at a crossroads of sorts. Where do I go from here?

And the worst of it all? When I stop doing something, I tend to forget how to do it. This is most clearly illustrated in a foreign language. Use it or lose it.

To get good at writing, one must write; and to get good at prayer, one must pray. No other way.

I am amazed how easily and quickly I lost my routine of prayer and writing. In the past, I had conquered malaise by keeping track of my time. I know that sounds anal, but it worked! Each time the inner voice of condemnation would attack me because I missed a day or two of prayerful meditation and study, I had facts to shore me up. Sure, I missed a day, but in a year, I’ve gotten it right over 70 or 80 or even 90% of those 365 days. So, “evil voice,” back off! I’m ok.

That pattern  has worked for the last five years.

And in the writing department, I became a great fan of Anne Lamott and her book, Bird by Bird, who encouraged me to start writing, 300 words a day, every day! And I did. I even completed a manuscript that way. But then, the next step was editing and cutting and slashing and changing and re-writing and soon, 300 words could no longer be used as a measure. I faltered. I am once again unsure, beleaguered by another voice or worse, silence. I tried to give myself a little credit, after all, I was still blogging. At least, I was. I did.

Breathe. I gotta breathe here.

Scratchboard by Michael Halbert

Today, a holiday, I woke with the determination that I would count it a victory day over lassitude and melancholy. I would pray. I would write. I would tend to my inner self. So, how did that go: I slept more than anything else with books on my lap and pen falling to the floor, tea growing cold. I lost four hours of my day to malaise, true malaise. Shortly, I must go to the grocery store for dinner. The day is flying by.

And yet, I do have this to show myself. I am sitting here right now. I made it this far. I crept over the edge. And tomorrow, hopefully, I will make the next step.

It’s time to choose. A way.

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Come Along

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Come. It’s an invitation. Come see. Come along and be a part. Please come (don’t stay behind). Come with us. But it can also be a command: Come! Come here. Come on. Come away. Move! Why do I resist this word? Why do I want to go the other way? Why retreat?

Revelation 22:17, 20 b
The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let the one who hears say, “Come!” Let the one who is thirsty come; and let the one who wishes take the free gift of the water of life. . . Come Lord Jesus. 

It’s a commitment to come along. It means walking or running forward. Anything else is a decrease or standing still.

When I accepted the truth of Christ as the unique being He is, I did not fully understand the implications, but I did hear the call to participate in the God Presence anyway. It was quite simple, just these words, “Come … and drink.” And these words, “Come Lord Jesus.” And with my willingness to move forward, Christ moved closer to me into a mutual embrace.

Thirty-three years ago, a friend asked me to read the New Testament as an exercise, an acting exercise if you will. In the same way that an actor should read a script for the first time, I was asked to put these words, “if this were true,” at the beginning of the text and suspend all judgments until the end. It was in this way that I heard the invitation as well as the command, to come. Like stepping through a door, I knew I would be entering a different world. For awhile, I tried to straddle the threshold, but in the end, there is only, “come” and then a decision. It’s only after the decision that a person can really know, grow, and change. Even Yoda had it right, “Do… or do not. There is no try.”

I began this particular journaling/blogging walk through the scriptures back in 2009. It’s been a very slow investigation and yet quite revealing. Of course, there have been lost days and lost verses, so I assumed I would just start over again once I finished. But is there a point? Have I lost the momentum? Am I too scattered?

I felt an actual resistance to reaching the end of Revelation. That is, until I read that same call, that allure to drawing closer, the beckoning voice of the Holy Spirit with a promise of more and deeper. Come.

What will that look like? I don’t know. But I must go.

Last week, I went to Hershey Park (amusement park) and in an uncharacteristic and spontaneous moment, I agreed to ride a roller coaster with which I was totally unfamiliar. I did not know how fast it would go or how steep it would climb or drop. I had not been watching it while walking around the park looking for my family. We met up at the entrance of the ride and they said, “Come on Mom,” and I went. It was terrifying. But I survived, as we mostly do. I screamed, I prayed, I closed my eyes, I opened my eyes. I experienced a mini-life.

God does not intend for me to know much about the ride. He just wants me to come along.

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First Seed

Posted in Ordinary Time, tagged , , , , , , on August 17, 2010| 2 Comments »

Starting something new always seems so daunting. But, in reality, it’s God who provides the “first seed,” the initiative to begin. The source of all beginnings is the One at the very beginning, the fountainhead.

II Corinthians 9:10
Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.

Jesus and his cohort used the planting metaphors for good reason: they speak loudly to the basics. I get so caught up on the complexities of life that I lose track of the baseline.

I think I’ve been planting the wrong seeds in the wrong ground at the wrong time of my life. Well, maybe not wrong, but not the best seeds. I’m trying too hard to use someone else’s seeds . . . trying to build on someone else’s foundation . . . trying to become the image of who I think I should be instead of who I am.

The book by Elizabeth Gilbert and now, the subsequent movie, Eat, Pray, Love is finding so much resonance with women because we recognize ourselves in her pre-journey self. We recognize how often we have been sucked up into someone else’s story and lost something along the way.

But I can’t take off a year to let go of all my previous choices. Instead, I must begin each day as a journey. And I must look to God who offers me a new seed each day to plant.

This day can be new. This day holds the potential for anything and everything. This day holds a seed of an idea.

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30th Anniversary

Posted in Christmas Through Epiphany, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 25, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Thirty years ago, I finished reading the New Testament all the way through for the first time. I had a decision to make. Was it the truth or a lie? I kneeled beside my bed and confessed to this Jesus that the words felt… they resonated like truth. That decision changed my life forever.

Hebrews 5:14
But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

In some ways, I feel as though I am still on “spiritual milk” and have not matured as I should. After all, it’s been a long time. I have professed followership of Jesus for many, many years. And yet, I still struggle with many of the basics: love, trust, faith, hope…

Perhaps that is the maturity… I recognize I am still struggling. When I was younger in the Lord I can remember attending spiritual retreats where confession was a signature event where we pounded our written sins onto a cross. For many, it was extremely cathartic. But for me, in those early years, I’d struggle with the writing. What should I put on that little piece of paper? What great sin had I committed that still needed to be confessed. Hadn’t I confessed them all by now?

That makes me laugh. These days, I confess my sins daily. They accumulate quickly. I place even the smallest sin at the foot of the cross before that sin can grow, like yeast, to a besetting mountain of emotional pain or denial; before it can darken or harden my heart any more than it already has. And, unfortunately, I confess, some days, it’s the same sin… judging, pride, resentment, self-pity, anger… to name a few familiars.

I understand now, more than ever before, what it means to pray the Jesus prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me, a sinner.”

My sins are legion, which reminds me of the demoniac [Luke 18:30] who was possessed of many demons. In the same way that many demons can be “swept away,” they can also come back to look for purchase in a newly cleaned “soul.” Sins also reappear [Matthew 12:43-45] to plague the spirit.

This is my message to any believer, young or old: confess often, accept grace and forgiveness daily, and give to others what Christ gives to you.

This is not just the beginning of the church year, it is also the beginning of my own new year in Christ. Continue to teach me, guide me, and renew me. Amen.

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Beginnings

Posted in Time Up to Pentecost, tagged , , , , , on May 13, 2009| Leave a Comment »

John 1:1-2
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.

It’s a strange time to have a beginning, the middle of May, but that’s just how it has worked out. Last year, I had just finished facilitating the Seeking Him bible study and felt convicted to dedicate myself to the discipline of a daily devotion time. I have not been perfect, but I have also not given up my quest, which for me, is all good!

Today is the beginning of my second year and I consider the importance of beginning with the Word. He is my source and my strength. He is the One with whom I want a primary relationship. It is in Him I hope and trust.

Last year my theme was based on Ps 25:1, “To You O Lord I lift up my soul.” But this year, I believe I will be pursuing discernment (…And this is my prayer: that [my] love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that [I] may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ… (Philippians 1:9-10).

May the meditations continue in this light and my thanks to those who share this journey with me.

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